Develop Self-Confidence: 7 Lies You Need to Stop Telling Yourself

“Be honest with yourself, and you will find the motivation to do what you advise others to do.” ~Vince Poscente

What if you could only tell—and more importantly, only believe—the truth? Not the half-truth, the white lies, or the other grey in between, but the pure, beautiful, and unadulterated truth.

If I had to pick one super power, it would be to know the liars from the truth-tellers. I would walk around in public places, eavesdrop on conversations, and know immediately if someone is lying or being honest.

I would go to social events and exercise my super power by posing my burning questions to friends and strangers alike. I would sit in the courtrooms of the world, and know instantly if the victim is lying or telling the truth. How fascinating, how disconcerting, how shocking it would all be!

Most of all, though, I would use my super power to listen to the voices that I hear in my own head, from the loud inner critic, the large ego full of opinions, and the years of social conditioning and upbringing; and I would be able to tell, without a shadow of a doubt, the lies from the truths. Oh yes!

I grew up in Tehran, and witnessed not only the horrible 1979 Iranian revolution but also the terrible war that ensued between Iran and Iraq. Even though I was very small, I remember the horror, the bombings, the sirens, and the oppression.

Mostly, I remember the way our teachers would brainwash our small little minds and fill it with the new regime’s lies. I remember that our families needed to play it safe while still helping us draw some faint distinction between those lies and the truth.

I moved to America when I was 15 years old, and today, even though I know the difference between a lie and the beautiful truth, some days the inner critic returns and insists on the lie.

But I don’t think I am alone. We tell ourselves lies, half-truths, and anything but the pure truth every day.

We are paying for them, you know? They create new doubts in our mind and new fears out of thin air.

They make us a little blind to our own amazing opportunities. Most of all, they bruise our self-esteem, crush our self-confidence, and leave us looking for it everywhere except the very place that we will find it: within ourselves.

Your confidence lives inside you. It does not deplete itself or run away and desert you. It is a permanent part of who you are. But with enough lies, you can silence even the greatest force of confidence.

The solution: Stop lying to yourself and stop believing the lies that you hear.

The simplest and most powerful thing you can do to make that happen is believe in yourself.

Here are 7 lies you need to stop telling yourself:

Lie #1: You are not worthy of love.

Everyone in this world is worthy of love, and that includes you. The great thing about love is its abundance—it does not run out—and you can start with the first rule of confidence, which is to love thyself.

Self-love is totally in your control. It is a choice that you can make every day, as well as a shift in how you view love. If you can love yourself deeply and truly, you will generate plenty of love for the world around you, and you will start to see yourself as entirely worthy of love in return.

Lie #2: You are not enough.

Says who (other than you)? Maybe there were people who told you this lie at some point in your life. Maybe you started fabricating it on your own. Either way: it’s not true.

There is a difference between improving the person you are to be the best that you can be—a lifetime journey that we all share—and not being enough as a human being.

You are more than enough! You are good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and then some. It starts with believing it before you can live it.

Lie #3: You do not deserve happiness.

This is the silliest lie of all. What have you done not to deserve this happiness that is your birthright? Who has dared implant such a falsehood in your head?

Yes, you deserve happiness in abundance, and the funny thing is you cannot have happiness while you hold on to the lie. Happiness flows to you when you fully expect it, not when you resist it. Stop resisting it. Start inviting it.

Lie #4: You are not unique or special.

This one still shocks me. Every human being—all seven billion of us—is born with unique fingerprints and unique voices. Does this gift form Mother Nature alone not shock you? It is the best perspective to instantly remember that you are oh so unique. There is not another one like you. There never will be. Know this. Exploit it. Enjoy it. Remember it.

Lie #5: Your dreams are too unrealistic or impractical.

It takes reading one inspirational biography or life story to switch you out of this mindset, so pick your favorite hero and go.

People achieve the impossible. They do it every day and in every age, every demographic, and every social condition. They rise up to the occasion and defy the norms. Nobody has to give them permission so they can live out their dreams and make waves in their own life and many around them. Why are you waiting for permission then?

Decide if your dream is practical or not, achievable or not. Then go make it happen.

Lie #6: Your circumstances dictate your success.

So many of us go through life carrying the shadows of our past and tainting our future. If we had great failure in the past, we let it define our identity and severely limit our potential for any future success.

Then we hear success stories of those who did not let any disadvantage dictate their success, those who blatantly ignored their shadows, shunned their current circumstances and defined their new future with brilliant colors!

How did they do it, we wonder? Can we too let go of these dark shadows? Can we walk into a new light, no matter what our past may have been and what our current circumstances suggest? I believe we can.

Lie #7: You are not worthy of wealth.

Wealth is personal. Some define it in the strength of their finances and some with the depth of their inner peace, and for some, one leads to the other.

How you define wealth is your business, just know that how you feel about it will affect your confidence. If you do not feel worthy of achieving your own state of wealth, ask yourself why? What self-limiting beliefs are you telling yourself that creates this condition? What better story can you believe so that you attract the wealth that you seek?

Telling yourself the truth can be the best habit you can develop, and asking questions and talking things through with yourself can be the easiest and quickest way to establish this habit.

You can kick start this habit by eradicating these seven lies first. Your reward is a renewed, strong and solid sense of confidence in yourself and your amazing abilities!

Photo by Sadie Hernandez

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