Sometimes in the name of being good we forget to be good to ourselves. We put so much energy into meeting other people’s needs that we fail to meet our own. And yet that doesn’t change that we have needs; it just pushes us to deny them or to find manipulative ways of getting them met.
For the longest time, I felt certain that good people put everyone else first. They stretch themselves, bend over backward, and even completely exhaust themselves if it means making everyone else happy.
I also thought giving would naturally invite reciprocity. Inevitably, after months of martyrdom, I’d feel frustrated that other people weren’t returning that kindness and meeting my expectations. The truth is that it wasn’t their job. It was my job to take care of my needs.
And it’s the same for all of us: only we can make the choice to receive.
Knowing firsthand how challenging it can be to find a balance between giving and taking, I was excited to read Amanda Owen’s new book The Power of Receiving.
On the surface, it may seem like a book about putting yourself first, but it’s so much more than that.
The Power of Receiving is about being able to receive without feeling obligated or indebted. It’s about finding the courage to be your authentic self so that you can invite other people’s genuine acceptance. And it’s about identifying and receiving the dreams that will fulfill you, professionally and personally.
From the back of the book:
“Combining age-old Eastern and Buddhist philosophy, quantum theory, and good old-fashioned common sense, The Power of Receiving unearths the key to restoring balance in your overscheduled, overextended life, and to finally attract the life you desire and deserve.”
Amanda has spent the last twenty years researching receptivity, and it shows throughout her book. Through engaging stories and exercises, she outlines a clear-cut path toward a greater sense of confidence, well-being, and satisfaction in life.
I’m generally not a proponent of books that suggest we should aspire for abundance because I personally don’t believe more is the key to happiness. But The Power of Receiving reminds us all that we shouldn’t be ashamed to pursue and attain enough.
We all have an intrinsic need and right to receive. Now all that’s left is to learn how.
For a Chance to Win a Free Copy of The Power of Receiving:
1. Join the Tiny Buddha list. (You must be a subscriber to be eligible to win!)
2. Comment below—and be sure to use Disqus or comment as guest so I have your email address to contact you if you win!
For an extra entry, tweet the following:
RT @tinybuddha Enter the Giveaway for The Power of Receiving http://bit.ly/hqXLhO
You can enter until midnight PST on Sunday, December 26th.
If you’d like to purchase a copy today, you can buy The Power of Receiving on Amazon. Just a reminder that once you click on that link, any purchases you make on Amazon generate income to support the site.
And now a note about holiday posting: because I would like to receive a couple of technology-free days, I will not be posting anything new on the site from Friday through Sunday. Tiny Buddha will return with daily wisdom on Monday.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Top photo by Natasha d.H
FTC Disclosure: I receive complimentary books for reviews and interviews on tinybuddha.com, but I am not compensated for writing or obligated to write anything specific. I am an Amazon affiliate, meaning I earn a percentage of all books purchased through the links I provide on this site.
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
I’m a follower of tinybuddha 🙂
sounds like a good idea/concept for a book. even down to the littlest thing like a compliment, some people are just not good at receiving things and need to be taught how to!
Receiving can be difficult and any advice on how to comfortably accept things would be helpful.
Those first few paragraphs in particular I feel like you took right from my head. I’ve been brought up with that ingrained into me – give give give and the world will come back and do the same for you. Which I’ve only noticed lately does exactly what you said – lead to my frustration when nobody pays it back. I’m not saying I’m going to give up giving completely (I don’t think I can lol), but it is definitely time to not feel like a horrible person and be stricken with guilt just for doing something for myself for once. Thanks for this.
As a Buddhist being chronically ill for 20 years and having to limit my giving has been a real struggle- surely I was limiting my growth as a bodhisattva?! But I came to see that allowing others to give to me was often the only way I had of giving something back to them. Still struggle to fully receive though so would really love a copy of this book.
Hey, I would like to start practicing the power of receiving by receiving a free book. That’s the best my authentic self could do right now. I feel a little guilty though. See, that’s why I need this book.
This looks like an interesting book. I think like most things it’s a case of balance. Giving with the expectation of receiving something back is shifting the responsibility on to others to make us happy. Giving just for the pleasure of it means we won’t be disappointed if we don’t receive in return. I think it also means we find our own natural place of balance where we don’t ignore our own needs.
And just to add to that. Receiving gratefully can be a great gift to the giver and bring them a lot of happiness. In the UK we almost have a tradition of arguing with someone if they are generous to us, saying we can’t possible accept it and eventually giving in with a surly grunt. A strange tradition when you think of it!
Happy Christmas to all 🙂
As Don Miguel Ruiz would say, “we are born perfect and we will die perfect”
Maybe we have lost the true meaning of how special we are along the way. Maybe we find it hard to receive because we don’t feel we deserve to receive without first giving.
A lot of the problems we face in our lives stem from the false belief that nobody is perfect, but this simply is not true. We are all perfect because we were born that way, it’s the lies we have acquired growing up that has led us away from this truth.
Love yourself, Respect yourself, Know that you are worthy and believe that you are perfect. If we accept these truths then receiving can become a joy because we know that others see in us what we see in ourselves.
When we see how beautiful we are, we also see how beautiful everyone else is.
Love this site…
wonderful post, Lori – thank you so much for all you do to make Tiny Buddha possible
[…] If you can relate to overextending yourself and not always getting what you need, read on to learn how you can win one of five free […]
Thank you Lori for your wonderful review of my book! I love what you say about The Power of Receiving! So much attention is paid to the importance of giving and so little to receiving. I want people to know that receiving actually strengthens their ability to give. When you replenish yourself by receiving — whether a compliment, support, your feelings or even noticing (receiving) something beautiful — you end up having so much more to give. My message is all about balancing your giving with receiving. We are taught to give (as we should be!); my book teaches you how to receive.
I have not read the book, but the description sure feels like it describes me to a tee! I am forever thinking, wondering, analyzing if I have done the “right” thing and sometimes I am not even sure that the right thing is! I love doing for others and making them happy, I just have to get over the guilts when I want to do something for myself or feeling unworthy if people do things for me…hard thing to do sometimes. Happy Holidays to all….
This book is exactly what I need in my life right now….I would love to be able to be more receptive. I spend a lot of time in an over scheduled life wondering why I feel run down, and I’ve realized lately it’s because I need to stop and learn how to receive!
Added myself to the list, though I thought I already had a while back but stopped receiving daily emails. I read through my RSS and love, love, LOVE entries here. The books seems like one that would be very useful to me during my winter hibernation.
[…] Read more here: The Power of Receiving review and giveaway […]
I look forward to my daily Tiny Buddha quotes.
I have been much more open & much more receptive and it has made a HUGE difference in my life.
Wonderful offerings! Thanks for your give away!
This book is definitely something that would be important in my life. 🙂 Happy Holidays!
Thanks for running this! I’m dumbfounded I wasn’t already subscribed to a tinybuddha list. 🙂
Being the adult child of an alcoholic I thought keeping everyone happy and doing for them was my job. It took me a long time to realize my ex was never going to be happy no matter what I did-from cutting the crust off of his toast to making sure the butter didn’t show through the peanut butter. Wow can’t believe I did that. Trying to put myself first now is still hard with an aging mother in a nursing home. But I keep trying to meet my needs. After all of these years it is so much work to remember I can say no, but I keep trying!!! I would like to receive this book so I could share it with a friend who is feeling overwhelmed by doing for her family and church and not being able to say no. I hope you have a wonderful Holiday!!! I love your blogs and it’s amazing how they always seem to reach me and help me to learn something about making my life and the lives of others better. Thank you so very much!!!
I’m fairly certain I’m subscribed to your email list but when trying to click the subscribe link I get a page error.
reminds me of Mama Gena. you should check her out.
wonderful post definitely something to think about during the holidays
As a homeschooling mom of four boys, you have just described my life. I have started trying to take a little bit more time out to take care of myself but realized when it took over a month of my husband nagging me to make a dentist appointment for me that I still have a long way to go. I’d love to read this book and help bring a better balance to my life.
This sounds like a great read – would be lovely to get a copy of this during the holidays. Thanks for the contest.
Years ago I attended a class that highlighted the importance of how to receive that would both fulfilling to the giver and the receiver. Your post today inspired butterflies in my stomach. The information I learned was pivotal in the way I learned to be with other people through the art of receiving. I am looking forward to reading The Power of Receiving. Bravo for bringing this art to life. I can’t wait to see the instructional exercises. Perhaps, there will be more articles on this topic that center around putting the exercises to practice and we can all share what we learned and experienced together making a community or excellent receivers.
BTW, I am happy to hear you are taking off a few days from techonology!!!!
Very interesting, would love to read more in depth! Thanks!
Wow this sounds like a book I need to read. My boyfriend is constantly telling me how I’m a giver and a lot of my friends are takers. Maybe this will teach me how to balance my time and energy to ensure that my well being. And I’m interested in the fact that it involves Quantum Theory which I’ve been reading a lot about lately. Have you read “The Dancing Wu Li Masers” by any chance?
“Each day comes bearing its own gifts. Untie the ribbons.” ~Ruth Ann Schabacker
This sounds like a wonderful read for the start of a new year. I’d be tickled if I won a copy!
I have the perfect person in mind to gift this book…great idea for a contest 🙂 I love love love TinyBuddha!!
~Emily
I have struggled with this my whole life, feeling the need to deserve and having to justify myself by giving giving giving, and feeling frustrated when it doesn’t get acknowledged. This book sounds like just what I need.
This sounds so much like what I would love to receive in my life right now. Restoring balance, harmony and being open to what abundance is there without grasping. To be your authentic self. Thanks for a great review!
I subscribe to your email list and follow you on twitter @MissingLynxx. I tweeted about this here:
http://twitter.com/MissingLynxx/status/17993307082719232
Thanks so much and Happy Holidays to all!
Sounds interesting. I know I’m particularily bad at receiving or taking care of myself. At one time, I was so frazzled that I sat down in a chair… and proceded to complain about “this feeling in my stomach.” My boyfriend said to me: “Well, I’ve been with you all day and it’s 3 in the afternoon and you haven’t eaten anything. Maybe you’re hungry.” Geez, who forgets to eat? 🙂 I’ve gotten better, but I know I’m still not as well off as I should be… I got heavily persuaded into having an aqua massage yesterady. Shouldn’t take much persuasion to do something like that!
Have a good holiday!
This looks awesome. Thank you for allowing me the chance to enter!
Hmmm I’m not certain what the issue might be. The link seems to work on my end. Could you try again? My apologies for the trouble!
What a wonderful observation about receiving gratefully being a gift–it’s so true! I know I feel amazing when someone allows me to give to them. I’m sure it works the same in reverse. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
As a professional in the counseling field I am so often guilty of leaving my own needs for last, if at all. This is a great reminded that taking care of ourselves is a must, not a luxury. Thanks!
Tammy
tammy@fletchertherapy.com
Thank you Barbara. I love running this site, and I love that people enjoy it. Happy holidays =)
Growing up watching my parents give to their children, friends, and community relentlessly inspired me to try and give as much as possible daily. I often find myself overcommited and stressed trying to please everyone. I’d love to learn to better deal with the guilt I feel saying “no thanks”
Would love to Recieve this gift, love all your post, Happy Holidays. Sherrin
I am interested in the book because as the oldest child of many, I learned at a early age to be conscious of other people thoughts, feelings and needs and hope mine would be recongize without asking. Then I entered the field of social work, encouraging and helping people is second nature. But I am finally became comfortable and feel worthy of receiving for me.
Great post! Sounds like a great read!! I’m not sure how this comment will appear…. I no longer have a twitter account, but my only button below is to “post as @twitteracct.” No option to change it….
Especially during this season, giving from the is so important and so rewarding.
Reposting. I was @nikkifaith. Figured out how to change my twitter default. 😉
Now you’ll be able to contact me if I win!! 😉
You post completely resonated with me today. I have been on a lifelong quest to balance the giving/ receiving dynamic. I remind people all the time about being open to receive and often find that I don’t take my own advice and counsel.
Obviously a timely post Lori. I think you framed the difficulty many of us have with receiving when you said, “I’d feel frustrated that other people weren’t returning that kindness and meeting my expectations.” It’s not the lack of giving that bothers us, it is the fact that our expectations get in the way. No expectations = no frustration, just happiness with receiving.
I’m sure that the book is a great read. Thanks for pointing it out!
Your post always touch my heart and help me regain perspective of what life is really about and what is really important. Thank you so much. Happy holidays, enjoy your tech free time.