“You alone are enough. You have nothing to prove to anyone.” ~Maya Angelou
My knees hit the pavement, unable to hold me up as I watched my entire life purpose drive away.
I had put my entire heart and soul into that relationship. I had sacrificed everything—my family, my friends, my career, my hobbies. And now I had nothing. What had gone wrong?
I lay there for a while, quite convinced that the pain and unhappiness was going to be the end of me. I wallowed in the misery of it all.
Then something touched my face. I brushed it away and opened my eyes.
A breeze had shaken loose dozens of leaves from the autumn tree above me. Scarlet and gold and sunset orange leaves were drifting down to me. Beyond them was the periwinkle blue sky with gigantic fluffy white clouds floating about.
I stared at the beauty around me. I had spent so long looking inward, criticizing myself, working to become better, to become enough for a person that had their own issues. And in doing so I had lost sight of just what a beautiful and amazing place the world could be.
Putting my life on hold for others wasn’t getting me anywhere. I was miserable, I was broke, and I was alone. Enough was enough.
Something was going to change, and in that moment I determined that what needed to change was me.
I was no longer going to shut myself away from the world. I was no longer going to ignore all the good things that were out there. From now on I would live a life of open eyes, a life of appreciation, a life of simplicity, a life of happiness.
In the following months I learned more about myself than I had in my entire lifetime, and in applying those lessons to my everyday life I became truly happy and deeply appreciative of the world around me. I also discovered the strength of the power within me.
Here is what I have learned:
No one will ever love you as much as you can love yourself.
If all you want is to be loved, you need to understand that no one will ever fulfill that feeling as much as if you wholly and completely loved yourself. Many of us have grown up with movies like Jerry Maguire that promise a perfect person who will complete you.
It may seem radical, but what if that person was you? What if you acted as your own true love? Choose love for yourself over the fear of being alone and realize your own power.
No one is worth sacrificing your values for.
We all sacrifice a certain part of ourselves for others, whether it’s deciding not to get a cat because your significant other is allergic, or getting up early every Saturday to drive your child to football practice. These sacrifices are a way of showing we care about another person’s happiness and well-being.
But anyone who cares about your own happiness and well-being with never ever want you to sacrifice your values. Our values are what define us as human beings. To deny them is to deny our very essence. Stay true to them and to yourself.
There is always something to be grateful for.
Just as in my darkest moment I saw how truly beautiful this world could be, so can you find something to appreciate.
Take time out every day to witness the wonders that exist not just around you but within you. From the way your body allows you to run and jump and dance and sing, to the sunshine and fresh fruit on a summer’s day.
If you take the time to notice it, life is really very wonderful.
Spending time alone doesn’t mean you have to be lonely or bored.
When you spend time alone you learn more about yourself than you ever could in a crowded room.
By being alone you can determine your own likes and needs without any external influences. You can discover passions you never knew existed, and when you don’t have to worry about what other people will think you are able to pursue them wholeheartedly.
There is always something new waiting to be discovered. Seek it out and become your own best friend.
When you say no, you open yourself up to more meaningful yeses.
By being a people pleaser and saying yes to every opportunity that crossed your path, you may have thought you were doing yourself a favor—that people would appreciate you more. But without creating boundaries, you give people an opening to take advantage of your generous nature, and risk becoming burnt out and resentful.
Instead, learn the power of no. Take time out for yourself so that when you do say yes, it’s sincere and meaningful.
Change and grow a little each day.
No matter how much you feel you’ve lost yourself, you can always instigate change and rediscover who you truly are. It’s okay to start small. Try a new hobby, go on a holiday, do something you’ve always wanted to try. Expand gradually. Learn a little more each day.
By putting yourself first you can discover who you truly are and form an identity separate from any other person and unique to you.
By forming a loving, happy, confident base to work with, you teach others to respect you as a person. When you become a whole and complete individual it doesn’t matter what storms appear in your horizon; you will have the strength to weather them.
Photo by blob-fish
About Sophie Crooks
Sophie Crooks is an Aussie dreamer, currently studying a Bachelor of Online Media and Marketing while starting her own Life Coaching Business. She works to support young women in their journey to discover themselves and their purpose both online and off at charmedhearttao.com.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Very nice tips of how to improve ourselves. Especially starting from “there is always something to be grateful for” boosts our motivation and inspire us to keep going
This is practically my life story. I gave too much of myself for a relationship. I meet many people who practically give themselves for their relationships but they give nothing for themselves. I have been criticize of being lonely, weird, unconventional. Some people have said that I will never find a partner because of all these things. It took me 3 long years to realize that I am the only one who is in control of my own happiness. A relationship, a job, money, clothes, nothing external is going to make me happy. I am going to make me happy. This was truly inspiring and a constant reminder of what true happiness is. Thank you for posting this.
“No one is worth sacrificing your values for” This is one of those things that I wish I could tell to my teenage-self! Amazing! The price we pay by sacrificing our values it to live an empty life. Nothing is worth it. No one.
Usually when we sacrifice ourselves for another person there is low self-esteem underneath that. This is a great lesson for all of us to look inward and see what it will take to be happy alone, without the need for a significant other to make us feel whole.
Perhaps we need to do the work to heal old emotional scars that has us feeling “I’m not lovable, I’m not worthy, I’m not enough.”
When we know we can be happy alone, then we will look for relationships that complement the whole of who we are already.
Love how you compare sacrificing values to sacrificing for something else ie a cat! Super clear!! Great post.
The opening paragraphs are exactly what I have done in my own life. More times than once. And I am mad at myself for it, and struggling to rebuild and move forward. Thank you for the advice and the insight. By sharing your personal struggles and triumphs, you help the rest of us get through our own.
I like “No matter how much you feel you’ve lost yourself, you can always instigate change ” – Perhaps some people have to lose themselves over and over until they learn the lessons you describe. But I believe if we intentionally spend time with ourselves and God – (not always just doing things we like, like exercise, listening to music, etc – although all that stuff we like is good too), but intentionally setting aside some time to just sit with yourself (and ask your highest power to be with you) then you will really take the lessons you shared to heart. I am on this journey. Thank you for sharing your story!
This was a simple & yet eloquently written blog… What you said in here is something I need to remind myself more often in my life… Really enjoyed reading it; Thank you for sharing! 🙂
This is a wonderful post, thank you for sharing your experience, and such wonderful insight/advice!! 🙂 BEAUTIFUL! 🙂
Emily, I agree. I think it is that we dont feel good enough on our own. So we have to go above and beyond to show/prove to this person we are worth keeping. People certainly have the mentality to look for the person who will “complete them” instead a more healthy approach is look for someone who will compliment you…
Its funny, I used to be the type of person who gave their all in a relationship. In my last one I made a concentrated effort to hold something back. To no just jump in head first. I feel like this reservation kept me emotionally walled to a small extent allowing my conscience to take a rest and allow me to do some inconsiderate things I never thought I was possible of doing and hurting another person in ways I didnt think I had in me….. So now I found myself at the opposite of the pendulum swing. Not giving enough? Im not really sure. For the most part when I am single, I am completely content in doing for myself and addressing my responsibilities to myself. The thoughts of starting a new relationship is way on the back burner nor is it something I ferociously pursue. However once I find someone worth the while, the valve goes from nothing to all, generally…. sort of a weird contradiction.
Thank you for sharing this. These are great points. My mentor taught me there is a difference between being alone and lonely. You have to love yourself. <3
You know what? You are so damn right. I used to depend on other people for my happiness, i wanted everyone to love me but they just dissapointed me and i felt like something is wrong in me but as i was growing up i realised that you cannot please everyone or make them like you, you need to love yourself first and then others.With time people realize that loving yourself comes first and then others. My bf left me when i was hospitalized and that took me down but i got my strength again and was back on my feet. Do not depend on other’s for making you happy, depend on yourself by loving yourself first. I wrote this article elaborating about my personal experience, i hope this inspires you like your article inspired me 🙂 http://www.sevenswag.com/top-5-reasons-why-you-should-love-yourself-first
Thanks Sophie… Be blessed… Just what I needed to read..
thank you for these words.