“Fear is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot allow it to paralyze me.” ~Isabel Allende
In life, we experience two kinds of fear: real fear and psychological fear. Or, as I prefer to think of the latter, ego-fear.
In the words of Immanuel Kant, the ego is âour precious little self.â Or as Eckhart Tolle calls it, âthe voice in the head.â It isnât who you really are, but the you that you think you are.
Each day, what you see in the mirror is the reflection of your physical being, and within, you may get glimpses of your unique personality in that reflection too, in between your laugh lines or furrowed brow. Still, it’s not really you.
Same thing with the roles you inhabit each day and how they are reflected back to you: as friend, lover, parent, child, worker, boss. These are different selves we pick up each day as needed, as the situation or relationship summons them.
But knowing that these roles, as well as your reflection in the mirror, are not who you actually are is an important distinction to which all enlightened, sentient beings become aware.
With this background, we can better understand our shared fears and how to overcome them.
What is Real Fear?
Real fear is the bodyâs natural response to a threat.
Letâs say, for example, youâre proceeding cautiously through a green signal at an intersection when the driver of another car suddenly disregards his red signal, and drives through without stopping. Because you drive defensively, youâre able to maintain control and avoid a collision.
To do so, however, you are required to slam on the brakes, turn the wheel, and steer your car into a nearby ditch. To compound the seriousness of the situation, the driver of the other car never stops.
In an instant, your life flashes before you. Your heart pounds rapidly. Perhaps you even shout an obscenity or two at the driver and shake your fist at him for being so stupid and irresponsible.
What are you feeling and experiencing?
This is real fear. Our body instinctively knows how to respond in a threatening situation, thanks to thousands of years of evolutionary history. You know it as âfight or flight.â
For as long as you live, you will occasionally find yourself in circumstances that necessitate an involuntary, automatic response to a real threat. This is normal and natural.
What is Psychological Fear?
Psychological fear is unnatural.
If we follow the example above, psychological fear is likely to appear later, when youâve had time to reflect back on your close call. These reflections take on an added life when you share the story of the near collision with colleagues, family, and friends.
You can almost think of psychological fear as fear with an attitude.
Whenever fear ceases to be real fear and becomes psychological, it becomes ego-driven fear. As the voice in the head gets going, itâs prone to make a story out of the event, develop an attitude and opinion about it, and relive it in countless ways.
This remembrance manifests as anger, complaints, comments, and negativity. The longer the ego thinks about the incident, talks to itself about it, shapes a victim identity around it, and fashions it into a story to tell to others, the more personal the story becomes and the more anxious and offended the ego feels.
You will never overcome real fear. Nor should you. Ego-fear, however, can be overcome, if living from a place of peace and tranquility is your desire. And, who is it that does not desire peace?
Here are the five most important ways to overcome fear.
1. Know the difference.
Be aware of what youâre feelingâwhat triggered the physical and mental/emotional responseâand make the distinction between the kind of fear or anxiety you are feeling.
2. Recognize fear in its other guise: worry.
This is the twin sister of fear and, while it may seem a little more socially acceptable, it is entirely ego-based, too. No less toxic, either. Worry is fear talking to itself; and it moves in one of two directions: either toward the past or the future.
That’s because worry feeds off memory, or the past, and anticipation, or the future. Neither of which, I might add, is real. Only what is now is real. So, pay attention to the mental conversation you have around any fear you feel so that, when it begins to morph into worryâas all ego fear eventually doesâyou can better handle it.
3. Pay attention to the mental noise that typically begins with âmy.â
Ego-fear and worry both concern themselves with the stuff that happened in âmy life,â (or, didnât happen, should have, or shouldnât have happened, and so forth). Or, it concerns itself with âmyâ future, (what should happen or shouldnât happen, what might happen or could happen, and so on).
âMyâ may make you feel empowered in the moment, but eventually âmyâ is isolating. It cuts you off from a collective spirit of support, abundance, and generosity. Yet, this is how most people live their lives almost continually.
So when âmyâ arises, take a moment to listen to its surrounding statement. Is it charged with ego-fear and worry?
4. Observe your thoughts of fear and your physical reactions to them.
Here is the key to overcoming fears: Do not fight them. Why? Because you canât win.
Donât punish yourself either, thinking youâll never rid yourself of fear. Instead, observe your fears. In the East, this exercise is known as âthe witnessing presence.â
When you observe the conversations in your head, as well as the emotional reactions to those conversations, you put a little distance between you, the real you, and the you who is upsetâthe ego self.
This distance creates a space of peace or what Zen Buddhists call âthe space of no mind.â As you make this your spiritual practice, this space will widen and your state of mind will increasingly relax. Your fears will disappear, too.
5. Know that it takes practice.
Relaxing your mind takes repeated effort. However, people who discipline themselves in this regard will know âthe peace that passes all understanding,â as Saint Paul put it.
Observing your fear is the dissolution of fear. It is that simple. I encourage you to practice this, over and over again, and see for yourself what happens.
Photo by tanya_little
About Steve McSwain
Steve McSwain is the author of The Enoch Factor: The Sacred Art of Knowing God. He can be reached at www.stevemcswain.com.