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Interview and Giveaway: Six Simple Rules for a Better Life

Note: This winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

The Winners:

It’s often occurred to me that the most important components of my peace and happiness are actually quite simple. When I start feeling overwhelmed or unbalanced, it’s generally because I’ve complicated things and lost touch with what truly matters.

This is precisely why I loved reading David J. Singer’s book Six Simple Rules for a Better Life: it offers practical wisdom by focusing on the simplest of ideas—which we nonetheless forget at times—and includes concrete suggestions to make incremental change across multiple areas of our lives.

David writes in a warm, down-to-earth tone, and shares his experiences, insights, and, most importantly, his humanity with candor, which makes the book easily digestible and accessible.

I’m excited to share a little about David and Six Simple Rules for a Better Life, and also offer two free autographed copies.

The Giveaway

1. Leave a comment below, noting one “rule” or guideline that you’ve adopted for your health and happiness.

2. Tweet: RT @tinybuddha GIVEAWAY and Interview: Six Simple Rules for a Better Life http://bit.ly/x0zZM4

If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. You can enter until midnight PST on Friday, January 6th.

The Interview

1. You’re an author, speaker, and former workshop leader for high school students. Can you tell us a little more about yourself?

I love being a dad, a husband, a son, a brother, a community member, and a friend. I also love spending much of my time with smart, interesting, and wonderful people in my day job running a service business.

I love sports, music, and reading. I love to learn and grow and to help other people learn and grow. A good friend calls me a learnaholic and I used that to describe myself on the first page of my book.

2. What inspired you to write Six Simple Rules for a Better Life?

Nothing feels better than knowing that I’ve made a difference in other people’s lives. I’ve always tried to help family and friends, and I derived great satisfaction working with the high school students you referred to in your first question. I wrote Six Simple Rules for a Better Life to be able to help a wider audience.

3. What are the six simple rules?

Be happy, Be nice, Be a leader, Be organized, Be a lifelong learner, and Be healthy.

4. You’ve written that your book is not like other self-help books. What makes it different?

People who write self-help books often come across as super-beings. While it’s nice to be able to look up to them, their seeming perfection can make their suggestions seem unachievable.

I’m no super-being. I readily acknowledge experiencing frustration, failure, stress, and anxiety like everyone else. And I make mistakes. Plenty of them. I work hard to learn from my mistakes. And then I share that learning with everyone I know.

Another friend, after reading the first draft of the book, said to me that he loved my book because it’s unlike other self-help books that “tout all kinds of grand changes that end up oppressing you, making you feel so guilty that you avert your eyes as you walk past the shelf where they sit and accusingly call out to you, Why aren’t you following our instructions?

My book, instead, is filled with practical, achievable suggestions for all kinds of ways that you can improve your life, along with a method for making changes that stick.

5. One thing I love about your book is that you write in an accessible, down-to-earth tone and you offer suggestions to create positive habits starting right now. What would you say is the most important habit for happiness?

I’m a big fan of the work of Richard Carlson and Viktor Frankl. From their teachings, I have learned about the power of our thinking.

“The power of negative thinking” is something I talk about when I give speeches. No one has heard that phrase, but everyone is familiar with the results of negative thinking—stewing over minor slights and inconveniences, being snippy with the ones you love, and general unhappiness.

When we learn that our thinking has everything to do with our emotions, we can be happier by recognizing when our thoughts are running away from us, bringing ourselves back into the present moment, and reminding ourselves not to sweat the small stuff and to be grateful for what we have.

6. Your second rule is “Be nice.” I think most of us might consider this common sense, and yet we also struggle with this at times. What do you think is the main reason we struggle to be good to each other?

All of us are so busy—we have so much on our minds that it’s very challenging to live in the present moment. We spend a lot of time thinking about things that have happened in the past, or thinking (and often worrying) about the future. If we’re not present, it’s easy to let those “Be nice” habits slip. That’s why I wrote a whole chapter filled with ideas for ways to be nice.

7. Another of your rules is “Be a leader.” How do you define “leader”—and do you think leadership is something that is accessible to everyone?

When I was writing the book and told a friend about “Be a leader,” he said, “I don’t think everyone can be a leader.” I explained that I wasn’t talking about world leaders and company CEOs; that the leadership I was writing about includes making the world a better place even in “small” ways.

Being a leader is about getting involved in your community. It’s about setting an example and taking on responsibility. It’s about the role you play in your family. In answer to your question—yes, we all have it in us to be a leader.

8. You’ve written that we need to slow down to make changes. What do you think is the main reason we often struggle to make real, lasting change?

We live in a world filled with offers for immediate change. “Get rich quick,” “get thin now,” “stop smoking today.” Those quick fixes, when they do work, rarely last. In the same way, we’re encouraged each year to make New Year’s resolutions—grandiose plans, which nearly always fail.

You know how it works—gym memberships spike in January and then those same gyms’ parking lots are empty by February. The secret to making real, lasting change is to slow down to make changes.

Instead of creating the once-a-year, New Year’s resolutions type of list, the better way is to create and maintain a running list of goals—an ongoing list of life-improvement ideas. Then, because it takes 21 days to form a new habit, slow down and focus on one new habit every 21 days. This slow and steady approach is extremely effective and adds up to the positive changes we all want.

9. You also suggest we need to take time to celebrate our progress. Why is this so important?

Looking forward to more accomplishments is a great motivator and a list of goals is great raw material for our progress. But it’s important that we don’t end up seeing the list of goals as a list of shortcomings.

Even someone who would not be officially labeled as a perfectionist likely suffers to some extent from the perfectionist mentality, frustrated by all that they haven’t accomplished—and that’s a negative, unhappy place to be. Toward that end, it’s important to make a second list—a list of achievements—and to stop and celebrate our progress every day, looking back at all that we’ve accomplished. We deserve it.

10. What is the main message you hope readers take from your book?

I could say this any time of year, but it’s especially poignant in January, when people are already struggling with their New Year’s resolutions: As we discussed before, the way to real, lasting change is to slow down.

We’ve all heard the saying, “life is short” and that we have to “stop to smell the roses.” I agree. But I’ve also learned that life is long,” meaning that we have time, and that we don’t have to try to make a million changes all at once—which can leave us so overwhelmed that we make none. If we slow down to make changes we’ll accomplish much more.

I talked before about focusing on one new habit every 21 days. Even if you slow down further (for example, one new habit every month, or every six weeks), you can experience many positive changes this year, and an awesome number in the years ahead. The years will go by anyway. You might as well make those changes. And you can. We all can.

Read more about Six Simple Rules for a Better Life on Amazon.


FTC Disclosure: I receive complimentary books for reviews and interviews on tinybuddha.com, but I am not compensated for writing or obligated to write anything specific. I am an Amazon affiliate, meaning I earn a percentage of all books purchased through the links I provide on this site.

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.

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Natalie Gee

One guideline that I’ve adopted for myself is that its ok to make mistakes as long as I learn from them.

Nancy E. Wigal

The biggest guideline for me is to lighten up and not take everything so seriously! Apply perspective and recognize that many things are exacerbated by the drama queen syndrome. Thank you for this wonderful article!

Brittany Mckenzie

My biggest guideline, that I have developed over the past year and will continue to work on in 2012 is to stay positive.  Stay positive for myself and for others.  It becomes infectious after a while and now I catch myself in those negative moments and remember to come back to a place of serenity and not to get caught up in that spiraling effect.  I am not all my thoughts.

Brandi {nyao}

I try to do one random act of kindness for someone else everyday. It takes the focus off of my life and puts it on how I can help other people. It’s really made a difference for me.

Working Mom Journal

I volunteer at the local schools to help high school student prepare for science and math competition. It helps clear my thoughts, keep me energized and motivated, and also gives me a sense of community.

Betsy Chapman

My rule: if something makes you think twice, there’s a reason why. And you probably shouldn’t do it.

Laura Wilson-Brown

My rule: If it causes anxiety or fear then DO IT. Often times the experiences which I benefit from the most are those that initially I was too scared to do. So long as there is a very reasonable expectation of safety I push myself to go beyond my comfort zone whenever possible.

Barb Seiltz

The rule is use is: Be nice.  I try to use the golden rule as my guiding rule.  Treat others how I want to be treated.

Beth G.

I have adopted “Be Happy” as my daily mantra, as no matter what is thrown in my path – there is joy in each moment. Even in the face of tragedy or grief, there are moments of joy. Also, for the new year, I’ll start training for a 5K in the spring!

Susan

The rule I have tried to be consistent with is Be Nice. I have realized that everyone is going through something difficult in their lives at any given time. Being nice, be it a smile, a door held open, paying for a coffee etc can make all the difference in someones day.

Susan

The rule I have tried to be consistent with is Be Nice. I have realized that everyone is going through something difficult in their lives at any given time. Being nice, be it a smile, a door held open, paying for a coffee etc can make all the difference in someones day.

Abrookhouse

Remember that everything is a blessing and to be grateful.

Lindsey Kasch

Just breathe. Best advice I have ever implemented into my life. If I’m ever anxious, overwhelmed, excited…anything…you name it…take a second to just breathe. Also..I remember to be present. Right now is the only moment that matters!

kathryn jennex

One thing I am very aware of is my health. Especially my mental health. I know when to slow down, nap, and take extra care. Even if I have to cancel commitments with people I love.

Allison

I am focusing on taking the time to be sure to eat nutritious foods.  After receiving a disheartening diagnosis last year, I need to put more time into taking care of myself so that I can be more effective for everyone else.

Natasha OM

I am focusing on being more aware of my thoughts and intentions, and making sure I stay positive. If I have a negative thought or comment I then ask my self what I do want or think about something I am grateful for to put myself and mind back into a positive compassionate state of being 😉

Matt Schanback

I try to slow down and appreciate what is happening around me.  This usually works best with my children.  Seeing them discover life, learn and interact with the world around them reminds me of the true goodness of people.

Nicole

The number one rule I have adopted in my quest for a better me is to LOVE.  Act with love, give love, accept love.  The biggest challenge and the biggest reward has come from loving those who are not acting in a loving way towards me.  Instead of my former tendency to complain and dependency on others to make me happy, I know seek to add value to every relationship and encounter in my life (from my spouse to my job to strangers to MYSELF) and the most effective way to achieve that is to consciously practice radiating love.  People respond to you differently. Your mind is quieted. Your ability to forgive and not take every negative experience as a personal affront is increased and that along has changed my life immeasurably. 

Cygank

I am going to use the guideline of celebrating accomplishments. Sadly, I don’t do this enough and move right on to the next thing. Thanks, Kim

Redhen45

My guideline is to begin and end my day focusing on what I am grateful for ( and strive  to be grateful for ALL of “it”…no matter how I perceive it…good, bad or ugly).
love’n’light,
Patty

Angela Chee

My rule is always to stay positive, but this year I’ve also started meditating.  A few minutes in the morning or at the end of the day. As working mother of 2 its hard to find time for yourself in the chaos of life and I’m trying to create a peaceful space to either start or end my day with a positive mantra.

Jackie

One guideline that I have adopted for my health and happiness is to be present in this moment and to do one thing at a time.  I often feel overwhelmed by tasks and to do lists and goals and concepts/ideas of what I should or want to be – ahhh!  I feel the burden of all these expectations/goals ideas and It becomes impossible to do it all. I just want to be.
What works for me is to let go of the ideas in my mind and do what is before me now – the best I can, intentionally, mindfully and as naturally as possible.  This is my life – right now and I want to enjoy it. 

Anonymous

I try to find happiness and love in everything that I do.  If I can do that, then the rest allows follows.

Gmsmom60

Trying to not focus on my depression so much and focus more on my family.

Sissler_77

Where I’m at right now in life, I could use as much inspiration and beauty as possible. 🙂

Lonnie L. Jones

My ONE simple rule is that when things start to get to me, I take some alone time to unwind and allow my true nature to come forth.

Laura Craddock

One rule I’ve adopted for my happiness is to focus on expressing gratitude.  To start my day each morning or before I go to bed, I make a list of everything I am grateful for- even if it is just the clothes on my back or running water.  This has made a tremendous difference in my life.  I would really love a copy of this book.  Thank you!

Linda Maria

That I can’t truly take care of anyone else if I am not taken care of. 

George Colombo

I’m 57 and, for much of my life, I was genuinely conflicted about whether it was more important to be “successful” or to be happy. Over the last few years, after an incredible amount of upheaval in my life and a long-term bout of depression, it’s become clear to me that there’s really no contest, the important thing is to be happy. So, I’d say that Rule #1 is first for a reason. The most important thing is to be happy.

janet

Everything in moderation 🙂

Ang

Be happy by loving myself first – this is my focus after a couple of VERY rough years… When I love myself everything else falls into place…

Fettuccine Albrisus

In the last year I’ve changed a focus on removing the word ‘but’ from my vocabulary and replacing it with ‘and’. It has really done wonders for my self esteem and how I set out to accomplish projects. very simple, but wow what results

Liz Russo

For my own health and happiness on living day to day life, I breathe and remember —> You can’t push a river, but you can go with the flow.

Liz McConomy

It may sound silly, but a while ago, when my life was not where I wanted it to be I took on the attitude of “fake it ’til you make it!”. That meant to me that if I wanted to be happy, I would just pretend I was by being cheerful, extra nice and attentive. Soon, I realized it was reciprocated. That was a huge moment for me…just by doing it even if I didn’t feel it I could invite it in. 
And so, when I am down, having a bad day (anything really) I just choose to ‘fake it til I make it’! 🙂

PEarle

My One Simple Rule is something I first heard from my best friend: “Build a bridge and get over it”!

Anne Duncan

Change your perspective, change your life.

steph

Love yourself but don’t expect others to

Chaos

My single biggest rule is that no matter how upset or angry I am, I don’t post those feelings to the internet. That can only make things worse.

Simply_stoner

Be nice…my  parents and my aunt raised me to be polite to everybody.I see so many service people being abused behind the counter.  It is rewarding, to see them smile by just appreciating who they are and what they do.  This also extends to saying thank you, please, opening doors, letting people ahead of you, etc. Rudeness is NOT a good quality in a person!

Blhecker

Where I’ve always shown, is in Being  Lifetime Learner. Often it’s through literally studying, reading, observing, and listening; more often than I like to admit, it’s through making questionable choices, suffering the consequences, and learning (sometimes repeated) lessons; sometimes, it’s in simply being a student of the universe – remaining awake to the lessons all around me.

Mareb1968

I try on a daily basis to say or do one nice thing to someone– could be as simple as ” you look nice today” – the reaction of a smile makes me happy -and the idea that my positive comment can make a difference in their day is rewarding

Julie

Excellent info as always. Thx!

Anitas World

Got the happy, nice and lifelong learner parts down, but definitely need to read up on the organized, leader and healthy parts! :o)

Alentahc

One of my rules: Your emotions are real, but they are not reality.  When I find myself angry, resentful, bitter…I allow myself to experience this emotion for a specified amount of time and then I “force” myself in to a new mood. Just because I’m upset over a particular experience, doesn’t mean my whole life and world is something to be upset over…there’s so much more than that one experience…recognize it, embrace, then get over it!

Aleks Veselovsky

My one rule is to be grateful.  I am a high school math teacher, a PhD student, and a newlywed, and sometimes I feel a lot of pressure to be a good teacher, a good student, a good wife, a good daughter, and a good friend.  When I start feeling this way I remind myself to be grateful for the wonderful opportunities and people in my life instead of feeling overwhelmed by them. 

Susan

i try to think before i speak. Is this important? am i thinking and speaking with integrity and respect? Will this matter a year from now? or is it best to leave things be. My life has been much more peaceful since i changed my approach ..

Joanie215

I am fully committed to life- long learning! I try to learn something new everyday. it keeps life interesting and exciting. You never know what you will develop a passion for!

Yuyinsd

Ive learned to live life day by day, not worrying about the past or the present, because what you do now wont change the past, and the future is still a mystery so living the present is what really counts. Grasping every opportunity and making the best of it, thats what ive learned.

Yuyinsd

past or future**

Wendi Matt

I like what everyone has posted. I am trying to do all of those things, but a rule I have adopted this year is to eat mindfully. I am making my family sit down at the dining table and eat together. I am also chewing my food, tasting it, and noticing the smells, texture, etc as I eat it. It has been a lot more difficult than it even sounds but it’s a tangible way I can “be more present” in my life.