“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
Up until my early twenties, I carried around a lot of anger toward someone in my life. I’d been hurt by a person I trusted, and for a long time in my adolescence I wanted to hurt them back.
I lived in painful stories and in visions of what could have been if I hadn’t been wronged. I blamed someone else for the life I didn’t have, and felt vindicated in the soul-sucking resentment I carried around from day to day.
I realize it makes less compelling writing to talk so generally, but these stories aren’t only mine to tell. They involve someone I love and have since forgiven. So perhaps the kindest thing I can do both for them and me is not retell the story, but instead create a new one: a story about letting go.
It’s a hard thing to do—to completely let go of something painful and forgive the person who may or may not have realized what they did. At my angriest point, I was convinced the person who hurt me did it with full intention and cruelty. I felt not a shred of compassion; just unadulterated pain and rage.
Then I realized, unless someone is a sociopath, they are rarely without feeling. And if they’ve hurt another person, even if their ego prevents them from admitting it, odds are they feel remorse on some level.
No one is purely bad, and everyone carries their own pain which influences the decisions they make. This doesn’t condone their thoughtless, insensitive, or selfish decisions, but it makes them easier to understand.
After all, we’ve all been thoughtless, insensitive, and selfish at times. Usually, we have good intentions.
And for the most part, we all do the best we can from day to day—even when we hurt someone; even when we’re too stubborn, ashamed, or in denial to admit the hurt we’ve caused.
So how do you forgive someone when every fiber of your being resists? How do you look at them lovingly when you still have the memory of their unloving action? How do let go of the way you wish things had worked out if only they made a different choice?
I decided to consult the Tiny Buddha Facebook community to learn how they’ve moved on from anger and resentment.
Readers offered nearly 150 ideas to help forgive someone when it’s hard. The ones that resonated with my most strongly were:
1. I remember them as a child and it’s much easier! –Joy Thompson
2. I remind myself that I forgive not for them but for me and that it’s easier to forgive than to hang on to so much anger, hurt and betrayal. –Sarah Clark
3. I just acknowledge that we are humans, so we are allowed to make mistakes. –Haydee Lizbeth Lopez Cruz
4. Remind yourself that they are not separate from you; they only appear that way. Then you will realize you are one, and it is yourself you are forgiving. –Justin Hayden
5. Do not keep thinking of the past or the bad thing that happened; when you let go of it, you get over the anger/bitterness that you felt and it clears the path of forgiveness! The best thing is time! –Ashna Singh
6. Remember that we are all doing the best we can at the time. –Diane Paul
7. Remind yourself of how much forgiveness would mean to you if it was your turn for a mistake! – Carol Mcbride-Safford
8. Wayne Dwyer describes how hate is love which has been turned around. Seeing the expression of what can’t be forgiven as love makes it easier to forgive. We’re also all doing the best we can, according to our own evolutionary state, including those we find hard to forgive. –Lise Heeley
9. Because it takes less energy to love and forgive than it does to stay angry and hold a grudge. It brings peace to your life. –Linda Adams
10. I know that I need to forgive someone, not for their benefit, but for my own peace of mind. Don’t do it for them, do it for you! –Cathryn Kent
11. You remember why you love them. Love is about forgiveness.- Holly Chapman
12. Forgiveness comes easier with the passing of time. I tend to find that, if I am wronged, I forgive the person before they forgive themselves, and when I am in need of forgiveness, it is I who feels the guilt for longer. –Mandy Richardson
13. Stop thinking and just do it. Open your heart and forgive. –Lindsey Windrow
14. Don’t force it. If I don’t feel forgiving, I can at least not act on my anger. Eventually forgiveness will come if you welcome it. –Julie Trottier
15. Just learn to smile and let things go. –Sudharma Lama
16. Give up on all hope of a better past. –Matt Child
17. Every time you think of them send them love. After a while it gets easy. –Crystal Chang
18. Meditate, meditate and meditate some more until it’s gone! –Margot Knight-Guijt
19. The harder it is to forgive someone else, the more I am responsible. When I understand and forgive myself, forgiving others is easy. –Pamela Picard
20. Two different approaches. One involves restoring your boundaries and sense of protection first. The other involves focusing on what your body is feeling and stop dwelling on the offense. Both involve being present. –Chris Campa
21. Forgiveness comes easy when you know that what people say or do is about them, it’s not about you. –Kim Kings
22. Shift the focus, feel the pain and think of the thousands of others in the world who are also feeling the same pain, then send a loving-kindness message to everyone to be relieved of this suffering. -Nick Ong
23. When it happens I often ask myself “What strengths must I develop further from this?” Often the feeling of resentment just goes away, slowly but surely, because I wasn’t focusing on the person that wronged me, but the lesson that the event was trying to tell me. –Natassia Callista Alicia
24. I allow myself to feel again whatever I didn’t express “in the moment” when I was with them. Forgiveness always seem to follow those (usually) difficult emotions. –Cynthia Ruprecht Hunt
25. Write a brutally honest, emotionally raw letter telling them how much they have hurt and angered you, then tear it up and burn it. As you watch the smoke rise, think about the fact that you are not that hurt and that anger. It is fleeting, just like everything else. As the smoke carrying your hurt and disappointment disappears into the air, you can let it go. –Renate Wuersig
26. For some wrongs, I just have to remember that they are responsible for their actions and then it is easier for me to just let it be. –Karen Garland
27. By remembering that it will free me from the burden of the stress I feel, also, if I can’t forgive then how can I expect to ever be forgiven? –Leslie Brown
28. Just look to the future instead of focusing on what’s past…think of creating new good memories to wipe away old bad ones. –Elizabeth Lindsay
29. It becomes easy when you remember a time when you were forgiven, centering on how it made you feel. –Louisya Graves
30. Understand this: Whether you like it or not, over time, you will stop feeling the pain, so why hold onto something that’s going to go away anyway? –Nirav KAKU
How did I forgive when it was hard? I came to this realization: No one ever gets to the end of their life and thinks, “I wish I stayed angry longer.” They generally say one of three things: “I’m sorry,” “I forgive you,” or “I love you.”
After taking space to heal myself, I decided to cut out the middle man of time. I now set boundaries to take better care of me, but I’ll never regret that I’ve forgiven.
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
As many others have said, forgiving others is something we need to do for our own health, not the other person’s. I once heard it said that holding on to anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Most people would agree that expectation is sort of silly. At the end of the day, our Anger and hatred is poison to OUR soul, not theirs.
I loved this post and love Tiny Buddha. Wish you posted more frequently ♥
I fully agree that in fact i am really releasing the prisoner that is me, but how do I get over the fear that it may happen again??
As soon as I read this, I immediately thought of the following letter, as found on http://viewonbuddhism.org/anger.html
What forgiveness is
“Forgiveness is a form of realism. It doesn’t deny, minimize, or justify what others have done to us or the pain that we have suffered. It encourages us to look squarely at those old wounds and see them for what they are. And it allows us to see how much energy we have wasted and how much we have damaged ourselves by not forgiving.
Forgiveness is an internal process. It can’t be forced, and it doesn’t come easy. It brings with it great feelings of wellness and freedom. But we experience this only when we want to heal and when we are willing to work for it.
Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem. We no longer identify ourselves by our past injuries and injustices. We are no longer victims. We claim the right to stop hurting when we say, “I’m tired of the pain, and I want to be healed.” At that moment, forgiveness becomes a possibility-although it may take time and much hard work before we finally achieve it.
Forgiveness is letting go of the past. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it does allow us to lessen and perhaps even eliminate the pain of the past. The pain from our past no longer dictates how we live in the present, and it no longer determines our future.
It also means that we no longer need resentment and anger as an excuse for our shortcomings. We don’t need them as a weapon to punish others nor as a shield to protect ourselves by keeping others away. And most importantly, we don’t need these feelings to identify who we are. We become more than merely victims of our past.
Forgiveness is no longer wanting to punish those who hurt us. It is understanding that the anger and hatred that we feel toward them hurts us far more than it hurts them. It is seeing how we hide ourselves in our anger and how those feelings prevent us from healing. It is discovering the inner peace that becomes ours when we let go of the past and forget vengeance.
Forgiveness is moving on. It is recognizing all that we have lost because of our refusal to forgive. It is realizing that the energy that we spend hanging on to the past is better spent on improving our present and our future. It is letting go of the past so that we can move on.
We all have been hurt. And at one time or another most of us have made the mistake of trying to run away from the past. The problem is that no matter how fast or how far we run, the past always catches up to us-and usually at the most inopportune time. When we forgive, we are dealing with the past in such a way that we no longer have to run.
For me, learning how to forgive wasn’t easy. But I did learn, and my life is better for it – even here on death row.”
Michael B. Ross
Death Row
Somers, Connecticut
…Very, very cool stuff…..
You have the same name as my beloved nana, who passed away in 2005. You even spell it the same way! It made me smile to see that name here. 🙂
I have a very complicated story involving a person I can’t forgive. I don’t actively think of her but it’s there in the very back of my mind and pops up every once in a while. I tell myself all the usual things… life’s too short, it’s only hurting me not to forgive etc. etc. But she is mentally ill (and that part is complicated too… she’s well enough to be manipulative enough to use that to her advantage and prey on people) and honestly, she’s not remorseful at all about what she’s done. In fact, she’s nearly oblivious. That’s the sticking point for me. I know that forgiveness shouldn’t be conditional, but I am just not to the point where I can find it in my heart to feel love for her. I am able to feel some compassion but I can’t get past the hump to turn that into forgiveness. I hope someday that will come, but it’s been a long road even to this point! At least I no longer feel anger, bitterness or wish she’d “get hers” as I once did… I know I have made progress there.
its better to forgive than to stay anger cause the blessing will come with after
Lots of beautiful, helpful, thoughtful stuff above, thank you everyone. May I add another perspective, that came to me as a sort of mini-realization just now? I saw/felt how indulging in thought/worry about “how do I forgive this person” is energy equivalent to “I blame this person.” It’s just dressed in nicer clothes. Letting THAT obsession go as well as the socially unacceptable one of anger, maybe that’s a way of remembering the fact of impermanence (in THIS second, every second), which automatically provides lightness, presence, and inherent rather than manufactured forgiveness.
Lots of beautiful, helpful, thoughtful stuff above, thank you everyone. May I add another perspective, that came to me as a sort of mini-realization just now? I saw/felt how indulging in thought/worry about “how do I forgive this person” is energy equivalent to “I blame this person.” It’s just dressed in nicer clothes. Letting THAT obsession go as well as the socially unacceptable one of anger, maybe that’s a way of remembering the fact of impermanence (in THIS second, every second), which automatically provides lightness, presence, and inherent rather than manufactured forgiveness.
Hi Trystan,
That’s a wonderful analogy. Letting go of anger is one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves. Thank you for commenting!
Lori
Hi Alannah,
I can relate to your story in a big way, and it definitely sounds like you’re making good progress! If you feel compassion, you’ll get there when you’re ready. It sounds like you want to, and that’s a great start.
Lori
Hi Josh,
Thanks for posting this. So many wonderful insights in there. This part really resonated with me: “Forgiveness is a sign of positive self-esteem. We no longer identify ourselves by our past injuries and injustices. We are no longer victims.” So true!
Lori
What a fabulous insight! Thank you for sharing, Ann.
Hi Ajay,
I wish I had a good answer for you. The truth is we can never be sure. We can just follow our instincts, set boundaries, and then do our to best to enforce them. Some of my fears have been confirmed, but it’s been worth letting them go, when I’ve been able, to live without the burden of fears.
I hope this helps.
Lori
Hi Philippa,
Thank you for reading! I am actually writing my book now, but once I finish, I may start posting more frequently. I’m so glad you enjoy Tiny Buddha!
Lori
Ajay – I deal with that very issue. Read #20 “One involves restoring your boundaries and sense of protection first. The other involves focusing on what your body is feeling and stop dwelling on the offense. Both involve being present.” Let your self esteem and love for yourself help you to restore your boundaries-people can’t hurt you if you don’t let them – and surround yourself with the ones that love you and the love you have for yourself – that’s your protective barrier. “What people say or do is about them, it’s not about you.”
Holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned. – Buddha
[…] Choose to open your heart and forgive […]
I have been struggling with forgiveness for many years and I am finally at a point where the anger from it is destroying my being. It was so nice to read what you posted and I will print this and read it when I am feeling lost. You are right when you say forgiveness is not easy but it’s wonderful you have found it. Take Care
[…] forgive people when they make mistakes, even if sometimes it’s […]
I have experienced that until it hurts, it is hard to forgive….but as the pain subsides with time, forgiving becomes natural and easy! (Hopefully).
I know what you mean. It’s such a cliche but true; time really does heal all wounds. Everything gets easier as days and months pass by!
I have just discovered tiny buddha…its wonderful. After reading those inspiring words my hurt, lonely and broken heart feels better.
Thank you Tiny buddha
Welcome to Tiny Buddha. =) I’m so glad to know this post resonated with you. I can relate to that hurt, lonely, broken heart feeling. What’s helped me is to remember that while it might not always seem like it in the moment, things always get better and easier with time.
Wishing you a healthy, happy New Year!
Lori
I held onto anger out of fear, afraid that if I didn’t I’d get sucked into old hurtful patterns by love blinding me to the self harm those caused. I couldn’t let go of the anger until I trusted myself – to be mindful, to not give in to fear, to not let love blind me, to act with a whole heart. When I trusted myself, the anger was gone, and I could trust myself to interact with them without collapsing or lashing out.
Thank you for sharing this in a comment. It sounds like you took your power back, and that’s awesome. What a wonderful lesson!
the post is great. it helps a lot.. really useful. thanks carol
You’re most welcome–I’m glad this helped!
[…] forgive people when they make mistakes, even if sometimes it’s […]
For me forgiveness is relatively easy when you love yourself; flaws and all. It’s just that the actions of others or circumstances strike a nerve that is connected to a deeply rooted hurt. This hurt usually can be described as “Not worthy/worthless”, “Not good enough” or some other illusion of “Not right” we mistake for reality about ourselves. Confronting this hurt, immersing myself in it, processing it, then eventually accepting it as something that is not really “me” makes it easier for me to let go and subsequently let love in (this take time, effort, and strength). This love is primarily a love of self that is shared, by its own necessity, with sincere compassion for others. When you no longer have the pain associated with the infraction(s) or seemingly damaging circumstance(s) incurred by some “other” and instead are filled with love, forgiveness (as a form of letting go) is as easly as blowing daffodil seeds off the stem.
Thats great to hear all of you have found it in your heart to forgive, but honestly i havent and i dont want to. I know that goes against everything all of you have said, but i knida fell like my unwillingness to forgive is the only thing thats gonna keep my from getting hurt again. I guess it started 4 months ago when i was haivng a converstation with one of my closest friends at that time about my depression(clinical). Then before i know it i was being told by her in an angry voice I should stop complaining and just kill myself, which she was aware that i had already tried twice when i was younger.
After about a month of not really speaking to her even if we were in the same room I just keep my mouth shut and focused my attention on anything but her, we finally discussed what happened. She said she was sorry, and that it wouldnt happen again. Sorry to say but her apology did nothing to ease my pain. Ive had people in the past screw me then apologize then do all over again, like some kinda sick game.
Im to old for games so when she said sorry i didnt want to accept it. It felt like she ment what she said and that she had felt that way for some time. The apology seemed redundant, why apologize for your true feelings. We’ve started hanging out again since that incident, and she thought everything was fine and all is forgiven but Ive noticed when im around her now my guard is almost always up and i still refuse to open up to her emotionally like i used to at all. She’s noticed this some and feels like im holding this over her head. But thats not the case i just dont want to get hurt again. I know you all say forgiveness is better than not, but what if i forgive her and it happens all over again. She’s a sweet girl but has plenty of friends, and a husband who loves her unconditonally. You ask me, my existence in her life is completely irrelevant, even though she says thats not true. All this drama aside I just want an opinion from someone who has an idea of what im going through. I do still care for this person, but Im afraid to put my trust in her again. To make it more odd, i dont think she ever stop trusting me though. Im so confused guys, what do i do?
I will do my best to help. I have found that sometimes the easiest way to forgive someone is to create situation where they can no longer hurt you. Forgiving her does not have to mean letting her back into your life–it just means you release your resentment and then take better care of yourself going forward. It’s a lot easier to let go of hurt from yesterday when you know it most likely won’t lead to hurt tomorrow.
It sounds to me that you’d prefer not to have her in your life anymore but you think you need to stay angry and hurt to create that protection for yourself. You don’t. You can just as easily make a choice and set a boundary from a place of strength and peace. Of course this is just what I’ve learned from my experiences. It was a lot easier for me to forgive people who hurt my terribly after I made the conscious choice to change those relationships.
I hope this helps. You are in my thoughts!
Lori
Thank you very much for responding so fast, didnt think anyone would read this anytime soon. I understand about not letting her back into my life, but still forgiving and making the conscious choice to change relationships. I didnt think about it in the last post, but her husband is also my other best friend and weve never had any problems as long as Ive known him. Which is about as long as Ive known her. So to end my faulty friendship with her is to end my perfectly balanced friendship with him right?
How do i alter relationships and set bounderies without hurting someone who had nothing to do with any of this, Im not big on hurting the innocent. Its not really about not wanting her in my life either, but more about just not wanting to open up to her emotionally again which was a big factor in our friendship. I dont mind being around her anymore, but its more like Im in her life rather than shes in mine or were in each others, cause I dont let her close enough to really consider her in my life at this point.
Theres so many variables in the equation of life, it makes everything seem so complicated. By the way this all has been very helpful and informative. Before I found this blog I had been holding all of this in for months with no one to talk to. Since she was the one I really talked to about everything I mean. But its felt good just getting this off my chest you know.
Thanx 4 ur help and ur thoughts
OldBoy
I’m glad to have helped somewhat. I don’t really have an answer for your question about setting boundaries, though I can say this: I have learned that we are not responsible for other people’s feelings. If taking care of you means you need to see him less, then in the end, that’s probably the best thing to do. If it ends up being a good thing for his wife, as well, I’m sure he would understand.
Wishing you well,
Lori
What a great blog entry. We can choose bitterness or forgiveness. The decision we make affects us more than anyone else.
I understand how all of these suggestions can help, however it doesn’t make me resent the person who wronged me any less. It is hard for me to give the gift of forgiveness to someone who stole my trust. What happens when you still feel like justice is nowhere in sight and sorry is not good enough? a slave to anger if you will…
Hi Kate,
It’s a little tough to respond because I don’t know your situation. But I know firsthand how difficult it can be to let go of bitterness. One thing that helped me was to create space between myself and the person who hurt me. It took me a long time to fully forgive, and I couldn’t do it without time and space.
Now that we aren’t in the same situation, and I feel proud of how I’ve fully taken care of my needs–and as a result of me taking care of myself, this person responds to me much more respectfully–it feels much easier. It’s been so long since it happened, and things have improved so much since then, that forgiveness feels easy.
I don’t know if this is helpful, but I hope it is somewhat!
Much love,
Lori
Hi ….your response hit a cord with me. The person I cannot forgive was described by you. The woman has been married 5 times (twice to one man),, has one illegitimate gay daughter, and is on anti depressants. She has red hair, a chin lift, a huge boob job, eye lift, fake eye lashes and red hair. The part where she is not remorseful (oh she says she is to others but not to me). the part where you said she is “well enough to be manipulative ” struck a cord. she has so many people fooled because she is beautiful. She fooled me once but not any more. I almost feel like I am the crazy one by things she has said to me….and to no one else. I look like the bad guy if I say anything.
I agree….even though forgiving sometimes connotes reconciliation, it doesn’t have to. I liked the analogy of we are the ones to get hurt (burned( if we pick up a hot coal to throw at the one who angers us.
[…] lastly, forgive. As I wrote in my post about forgiveness, very few of us get to the ends of our lives and say, “I wish I stayed angry longer.” We […]
I grew up with an extremely negative, critical, temperamental and quick-tempered father, who only showed his true colours to his immediate family. I wasn’t close to him and there were times I hated him and just wished he would leave the family, rather than cause us so much misery.
For years, I never spoke of my bitterness to anyone, letting it fester inside me. When I was old enough to realize that his behavior had had an impact on my self-esteem and self-image, I blamed him for it. I tried many times to forgive him, and I thought I had, but I could feel my anger and resentment surging whenever another of his outbursts or tantrums occurred, of which, by then, it was my mother usually bearing the brunt.
There came a point when I realized (a) how miserable I was going home to such a toxic and negative environment, and (b) that I was slowly but gradually turning to be like him.
I had to change.
I decided to move overseas for a while to get away from all the negativity. Rather than pretend this area of my life never existed, I tried to be honest with myself and to acknowledge it, even sharing with a few friends and anonymously online. I tried to see my father’s positive aspects and rationalize his behavior: perhaps he himself was an unknowing victim of his parents’ negativity? Perhaps he had a mild form of Asperger’s?
I thought I had gotten better over time and had finally let go. But when I met him recently, again the anger resurfaced. He kept on asking why I was running away from reality and when I would go home. I tried to be honest with him and told him that my reality had been miserable (I think I was hoping to issue the ultimatum – “I’ll come back when the environment’s not so negative”), after which he refused to listen, swerving away into a monologue. And then of course, there were his outbursts and lashes towards my mother, which just got me indignant and upset.
I ended up physically distancing myself from him for most of that period, while feeling guilty about it, and hating myself for being so harsh and unforgiving. I really want to be free from this emotional baggage, but it seems there’s just such a long way to go.
There also has to come a time when I go back home. Apart from the drastic move of getting my own place, how can I respond – with respect and kindness, while protecting my own need for positivity – when he’s in one of his frequent negative outbursts?
Hi there,
I’m so sorry to hear about your experiences with your father. It sounds like you made a smart, brave decision in distancing yourself from him. It’s such a tough choice to make, but sometimes it’s the best thing we can do when someone is negative and volatile like that. I have a post that may help you when he’s having a negative outburst:
http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-deal-with-negative-people-or-difficult-people/
I hope this helps a little!
Lori
Alannah,
I was once in a bad relationship with a girl who was exactly like that. It has been a long hard road but I have learned that I can chose to forgive her and still never have anything to do with her again. She has malipulated everyone who has ever got close to her and hurt them in a bad way. I have never been hurt so bad by someone. But I learned that the bitterness and anger that I chose to hang on to only hurt me worse! (not her)
Its like I heard in a church sermon today……if a girl is in a bad relationship with a guy who phyisacally harms or hits her….she can chose to forgive him…..(but do it from a safe distance!) the same with someone who is mentaly ill. The words people can say hurt worse than being hurt or having physical harm done to ones body…!!!
It’s OK to forgive from a safe distance and not have anything to do with that person in some situations.
for what it’s worth I hope that may be of some help to you.
Im sorry but they are all wrong …There is a reason why in our nature “out chemistry” * * we are self centered , atomic , and ego pathic…thats why theres so much pain the world.
You cant really forgive someone …the irony is that you should forget about bullshit and focus in all thouse things you care because “bullshit” are not productive and when someones treating us bad we want to prove our self – and thats how ppl usually make it to the top..The only good think is that the one who did you bad will have to carry the gilt and the pain in his unconscious and that wil cost him a lot ..Im sorry about the evil in this world i have been a part of it but i was only a child …now to c a grown man working deliberatly on someone can torn me apart..
“Im not better than you and you r not better than me lets stop this silly charade ,you are what you always gonna be… your not better than me”…
Rise up that idiot
If you can stay possitive ,well done
The idea is to be productive ..i pitty the one who will try to take that away from you.
Theres a game between conscious and unconscious and if you heart someone bad you will get about the same damage back…it works like an energy ..you know the rest…
**The scientific explanation for the human behavior is our nature…it has to do with the Chrommosome composition we possess 44+2… that is what makes us so atomic disharmonic and ego centered …Long story short there are 3 different types of human being and the 99,999 999% of ppl in earth belong to the same level .An earlier level of 42+2 belongs to natives in Australia and probably some African tribes left and they work about the opposite way we do …trust me your not one of them.
I hope iv been some help cause i write this mesage for about an hour now
**The scientifical explanation about our nature has to do Cromosome composition
In business when you try to promote something sometimes you have to to deal with a total negative costumer .. So the management has developed some techniques to help thier own dealers work on how to reply in such denials and convert their way of thinking…truth is sometimes they do it for a bad produc or some bad service but thats not the point…
This is probably one of the most advanced way to deal with the toughest richest businessmem.
Im gonna have to put one whole technique down.
Call him ask him for a meetting – ask which day (today / tomorrow) he wants if he sais tomorrow give him to chose between morning / afternoon –thank him …good day
Meeting
Smile act nice / Keep your voice cotrol nice and smouth so you sound pleasant
0 Relax ( talk things he like his hobbies anything 5-10 min) let him to 2/3 of talking!!
Intentions statment
Ty for being here ,im glad to c u …i want you to know that / the truth is that i want you to be my “client” and finally get things sorted…would you have a problem with that ?…(always ask him)
Im here so we can discuss together ways and see if thats possible.
Research of needs
Put your main offers down i got 1,2,3,4
Ask him which one he wants to buy from you …your gonna have to compromise you cant sell everything at list now all at ones.
And he chose x
So from what we talk about you think that x is the most important…
-why
-so is it important for you
-what would happent if u dont have it
-what do u mean bad
-and what would happent
((c this way he is telling you and giving u reasons for things u want that he wouldnt be able to take back… its in human nature))
Close up the deal
–So if we work like this at this situation …you would be interesting right?
–And if i do this …..and guarantee you that this problem will be solved and u wont have to worry about it ever again would you have a problem to start asap?
(You just taking commitment)
Thank him be nice arange for another meeting next 1,2 days shake go home….
At any point you might have to deal with denials …usually when they chanche completely their mind or they want to avoid things ..
.& So at any Denial
1 : Agree with him no matter what..
2. show understanding on his beliefs and ideas
3.Keep your voice cotrol nice and smouth so you sound pleasant
4.remind him the benefits and all the thinks he find interesting
Close up the deal again!
next one two days you call for 2nd meeting to collect the “cash”his word..and you will remind the closing steps.
if again denial again .&
C if there s no $1,000,000 involved this technique will work 100%
ok ?
we talk later keep it up..
I liked your post because it hit home for me. I’m obviously here reading all of these posts because I’m having an issue with forgiveness. I’ve been the woman in an abusive relationship, I’ve had the courage and strength to leave and get away. I’ve had the power to forgive and forget “from a distance” but now almost 10 years later…. I’ve never in my life struggled with forgiveness the way I am right now. I’ve said it a million times…”It takes twice as much energy to hold onto hate then it does to simply forgive someone who hurts us.” But to forgive someone from a safe distance is so hard when you have to face that person on a daily basis. It’s like I have no room to heal. No room to forgive and forget when it’s pushed in my face. This is a tough one for me. LOL the queen of forgive and forget. I guess it’s not as easy as I thought. The truth of the matter is there are sociopaths out there. There are people who don’t care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. It is beyond my comprehension that there are people out there without a conscience. All we can do is accept the fact that we can’t heal those who are mentally ill. But we can do our best to move on in a positive light, not letting who they are on the inside reflect onto who we are as individuals. We have to continue to forgive for our own wellbeing and pray they will someday acquire peace within themselves. The peace they are so desperately lacking. I guess what I’m trying to say is they really can’t help how damaged they are. We have to continue to be true to ourselves and to others. We are a dying breed. If Jesus were alive today on the earth he would urge us to feel bad for them, to be moved with pity.
I liked your post because it hit home for me. I’m obviously here reading all of these posts because I’m having an issue with forgiveness. I’ve been the woman in an abusive relationship, I’ve had the courage and strength to leave and get away. I’ve had the power to forgive and forget “from a distance” but now almost 10 years later…. I’ve never in my life struggled with forgiveness the way I am right now. I’ve said it a million times…”It takes twice as much energy to hold onto hate then it does to simply forgive someone who hurts us.” But to forgive someone from a safe distance is so hard when you have to face that person on a daily basis. It’s like I have no room to heal. No room to forgive and forget when it’s pushed in my face. This is a tough one for me. LOL the queen of forgive and forget. I guess it’s not as easy as I thought. The truth of the matter is there are sociopaths out there. There are people who don’t care who they hurt as long as they get what they want. It is beyond my comprehension that there are people out there without a conscience. All we can do is accept the fact that we can’t heal those who are mentally ill. But we can do our best to move on in a positive light, not letting who they are on the inside reflect onto who we are as individuals. We have to continue to forgive for our own wellbeing and pray they will someday acquire peace within themselves. The peace they are so desperately lacking. I guess what I’m trying to say is they really can’t help how damaged they are. We have to continue to be true to ourselves and to others. We are a dying breed. If Jesus were alive today on the earth he would urge us to feel bad for them, to be moved with pity.
I have never heard of this scientific explanation. Your reply is different than most. Please tell us more of your ideas. I find it interesting.
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