“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” ~Guy Finley
It was 11pm on a Monday night and yet again I was chatting online with my friend about the woes of my failing marriage. “I just need a knight in shining armor to take me away from all of this,” I said.
“Not real life,” she said, “but you’re bright and strong, and you’ll be fine.”
I didn’t feel strong. All I could see was a mountain of practical reasons why I had to stay in this relationship: our two-year-old twins, the expensive rented house with ten months remaining on the lease, marital obligation, family expectation…
The fact that I was no longer in love with him, very unhappy, and at times even scared of him didn’t seem to register as important in the face of money worries and how I would cope as a single parent. My weakness was finding ways of keeping me stuck. I was hiding from the inevitable.
I wanted the knight to bring me money and emotional support so that I didn’t have to be strong. I could bypass my own lack of strength if I could rely on someone else’s.
Every day I felt the acute pain of ignoring my inner voice and carrying on with a marriage, and a life, that was sucking the energy and what little strength I had left out of me.
I looked for reasons to stay. For reasons I could hold up as fact and persuade myself that staying was the best thing to do. Anything but face up to the huge upheaval that leaving would cause.
No matter how bad his behavior got, and how many times I considered I’d hit rock bottom, I convinced myself that happiness wasn’t for everyone. And I stayed.
My inner voice continued to scream at me that this was all wrong. I went round and round in circles. I found problems and obstacles to leaving him everywhere I looked. And I stayed.
I found reasons to leave too, good reasons. But I couldn’t summon up the strength to act on them.
Then I started writing. Every day. Pages and pages about how I felt and what I wanted out of life and in a partner.
Some days I wrote fiction—short stories featuring protagonists remarkably similar to me. Other days I wrote non-fiction, describing my hopes and dreams in detail. Like a diary entry from a life I didn’t really have.
Fiction or fact, the themes were the same. Ideas recurred. My real desires became clearer to me.
I wanted a happy family. A husband who was present more than he was absent. Someone who preferred spending time with our children and me to his friends and work colleagues.
Yet I had no intention of doing anything about it. They were just words—dreams, wishes, unattainable nonsense. That took the pressure off finding the strength to make any of it happen.
But now I understood what I was looking for out of life and in a partner. I longed for a man who loved and respected me, and the realization that wasn’t what I currently had started gnawing away at me.
All the bad things that had happened, and which were still happening, were not enough to make me leave him. But seeing a glimpse of how my life could be if I left him was starting to give me the strength I had been missing up until then.
I couldn’t run away, but I could run toward.
It took time. But my inner voice became less desperate and more encouraging. I found myself using my writing to run through real practical options about where I would live and what work I could realistically do instead of focusing purely on the unlikely and improbable.
At some point I found the strength to talk to him. I told him I wanted to leave. He took it well; he seemed to understand what I was saying. He too was unhappy with the way things were.
But he still tried to talk me out of it. All my steps forward and I had to take some back now. It knocked me for a while, but I kept focusing on what I could have.
I kept writing about it every day.
It actually didn’t matter that some of what I wanted might never happen. Meeting someone else—particularly someone resembling a knight in shining armor—could happen, but probably wouldn’t.
But that didn’t matter. All I needed was the possibility. The vision of what my life could be. A dream to hold onto.
For the first time in years I could see what I wanted and was able to make a rational decision to go in search of it. It didn’t really boil down to strength after all—more an unshakeable conviction that there was something better out there, and an unwillingness to ignore that knowledge.
All that took months. The ten months remaining of our joint lease ran out and with it so did I, taking our children with me.
No knight has since turned up with money or emotional support. One day he might, and he’d find that I didn’t really need him after all. In the end I managed just fine on my own.
I found the strength to leave my marriage by writing every day until I understood what I wanted in a partner. In the end it turned out to be quite simply someone who will love and respect me, and be a caring father to my children. I haven’t found him yet, but I’m happier now that I’ve left the person who definitely wasn’t him.
You might find your strength to leave another situation—your job, a toxic friendship—by writing as well. It’s about finding clarity on what you want instead. Giving you something to go toward rather than run away from.
And I hope when you find your clarity, you’ll find your strength, like I did.
Photo by geralt
About Soozi Baggs
Soozi is a writer, entrepreneur, and single mum to 3-year-old twin boys. At her website www.maternityleavers.com she inspires, motivates, and supports professional women on maternity leave to create a life and career that suits them and their new family.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
This is a very encouraging and powerful story. I have not experienced what you have, but I can relate to feeling trapped and finding every excuse to stay rather than leave a relationship that no longer served me well. I wish you all the best! It’s amazing how strong you find out you are when you finally spread your own wings and fly– alone. It’s scary, but wonderful at the same time…. because you did it by yourself 🙂
There are some great things to take away from this article as it can help many people think through how to handle a situation that they want to get out of and putting yourself first. My only problem with this article is that we aren’t just talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, or a best friend relationship, or even a parent/child relationship, we are talking about a marriage. I’m not here to judge your decision to leave your marriage, but no where in this article did you talk about working on your marriage first. It took you months to tell your husband you were having these thoughts, why so long? And how long did you two really try to make it work? Did you seek counseling first? You both entered into your marriage knowing it would be hard work, but based on your article it doesn’t sound like you did any hard work. It sounds like you just think something better is out there so you walked away from your marriage, and to me that is sad.
I have to agree with Marissa on this too. Perhaps that’s down to my experience of being on the receiving end of someone walking away from our relationship with two small children involved.
I totally agree that there is a point when it is best to walk away, but that both parties should do their utmost to try and work through difficult times. In my experience I think it is often telling that the one who walks away will often go through dramatic changes, questioning what they want, ‘finding themselves’ and I agree with Marissa’s point that it is very sad that such things are often not discussed properly whilst the relationship is ongoing. I’ve found it very hard to realise that my split was largely based upon assumptions both of us made, miscommunication and almost imperceptible urges for change that rarely came to light and were never explored.
I don’t buy the ‘something better out there’ argument. I think everyone – at some point in their lives – considers whether the grass might be greener, even if it is just one moment.
Having said that, I do see the benefit of understanding who you are and what you want. My feeling though is that often only gets people so far. For me the real courage and respect comes from two people who love each other, and despite difficult times are able to truly listen and adapt to create a better relationship. Of course, I understand that there is a point but when children are involved I think you do your damndest to change the course of the relationship. Just saying…
Good for you for following your heart and leaving a situation that no longer served you. I hope that you are giving your ex-husband a chance to “be a caring father to your children.” They are his sons as well. Just because you were unhappy in the marriage doesn’t mean you get to choose a new daddy for your sons. A new partner for you, yes. Someone who will love your sons as if they are his own, absolutely. But unless there is abuse or danger to the boys, I hope you will do what you can to foster a good relationship between them and their father.
Wonderful advice about writing down and focusing on wants, needs, and how one sees their future to help strengthen within and become courageous to pursue that vision! 🙂 Inspiring post! 🙂
I’ve been struggling with this problem for a long time. Probably too long. We don’t have children so I don’t know what my excuse is. I know I am unhappy. I know I deserve to be treated with respect. We’ve been married for nearly 20 years. He can be sweet and nice one second and incredibly mean the next, typically on a daily basis. I often think if I’m overthinking it and maybe making it out worse in my mind than it really is.
Absolutely wigirl, he is still very much a part of their life. He sees them often and recently took them away for a couple of weeks to stay with his family. I meant that any future partner I have would need to be care for them as his own, but I would never let that push out their real dad.
Good confession Soozi. I would do the same if I was on your place and chase happiness instead. It’s the second most important thing to be happy (health is first), but if you are not happy you are not going to be healthy, it’s kind of paradox 😀 Hope you’ll find your soul mate or “knight” on shining armor 🙂
This goes hand in hand with leaving a job that no longer serves you, or a place, or a relationship. It takes a lot a strength to get rid of what is no longer serving you. But once you do you will feel so much better for doing it. I know I am and now I am going to do some spring cleaning with my life. 🙂
Thanks for your comment Marissa. It’s hard (and not very interesting) to go into the minute detail in an article like this, but we had talked about separating before the period of time I talk about here, so when I approached him about it after all my writing and soul searching it wasn’t completely new to him. I also feel we both worked hard at making our marriage work, but sometimes no matter how hard you work, a relationship is not meant to be. Ideally this would become clear before marriage, and certainly before children, but unfortunately that’s not always the case. Or in my situation, I think i did know, but didn’t actually find that strength or know myself well enough before we got married. I do believe something better for me is out there, but I don’t think that it’s sad to leave my marriage to go in search of it – I think it’s about valuing myself – and my ex husband – highly enough to recognise that we weren’t going to find it with each other.
Thank you for the article, Soozi. It gives me something to reflect on. I left a toxic friendship that became a relationship last year. I am embarrassed to admit that I didn’t leave it with any amount of integrity or dignity intact, but I had to leave it. It was destroying me. While I regret the way I handled it, I, like you, am really glad I made the decision. And maybe I handled it so badly because it was so toxic and there was no clear path but to get out with what I had left of me.
Thanks for the response Soozi and sharing your story. I wish you the best in your search.
hi Jamie. Thanks for your comment. I’ve already replied to Marissa so I won’t repeat myself on those points, but I do take your point about doing your damndest to make a relationship work when there are kids involved. I feel we tried that and yet it still didn’t work. On balance I would rather my children grow up with two parents living separately but both individually happy, than making them live in an unhappy house filled with drama and resentment. Their father is still part of their life, and we all get on much better than we did when we were trying to make things work.
Thanks Mariel. It’s all about taking that step into the unknown isn’t it. I think when we do we always surprise ourselves with what we’re capable of.
So true Talya. Over the past few years I’ve left my job and the city I was living in, as well as my marriage. And often, changing one has a big effect on the others as you realise you’re strong enough to take action. Good luck with your spring cleaning 🙂
Thank you Iv2terp. I’m glad you found it inspiring 🙂
Roo, I’m sorry you’re in such an unhappy place. Obviously I don’t want to give you advice as I don’t know you or your situation well enough, but my experience is that we often tell ourselves what will make us feel better – if we decide to stay we tell ourselves it’s not as bad as we thought, and if we decide to leave we tell ourselves it was very bad and we were right to go. As several people have already commented here, we should try our best to work at our marriage, and if there’s any way you can talk it through with him, that’s probably the best place to start. But in my experience, as you can see from my article, I knew what my inner voice was telling me all along…
Thanks so much Nikola. I’m sure I’m both happier and healthier now than I was before. And I will keep looking for my knight! 😀
Sometimes it’s not easy or even possible to leave in the way we’d like. The important thing is that it’s now over and you can both move forward from the experience. The only point of regret is to learn from it and make sure you do things differently next time – don’t dwell otherwise. Thank you for commenting Shawn.
Hi Soozi I can already realize you are a very strong women who will succeed just by reading your story. Finding that inner strength down deep isn’t easy but when you do you can move on in a positive directions.
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I guess married or not, straight or not, everybody will go through the same phase of pain when it comes to leaving relationships. Especially if you lived with your partner or have children for that matter. I’ve been with this girl for two years, and she has two kids. I loved her kids and treated them as my own. It was a perfect 1st year, and then difficulties starts to exist on the next year. I am a single person and is 9 years younger than her. Being in the relationship, I feel my life has become stagnant, boring, and unhealthy. She started to feel unhappy about our life too. During the challenging year of our relationship, I was crying inside, praying. I find many reasons to let go, but only one reason keeps me holding on, i love her, i love her kids. I love what she does to me, how she takes care of me. I didn’t have the courage to let go. We tried many times, until we’ve come to the point that we know it was really over. When everything is making us both unhealthy and unhappy anymore. Only she have the courage to set things straight. It was hard. Harder for her cause she have kids. I don’t know if it is her way of getting over things easily to find somebody right away. Some part of it says, she needed somebody to bring up the family too. Some part of it says, she cannot leave alone. Whatever part of it is saying, the thing is, she found somebody, and it turned out that the somebody she found was a perfect match for her. A stable, mature person. So, I let her go. The situation that I thought would free me and take me back to my old self, being a free spirited, a fun-filled person, who loves to party and live each day as if tomorrow will never come. That situation, has been fulfilling for a moment. But boy, my feelings haunt me everyday. Everyday I wake up and everyday before I go to sleep after a long day of party and exhausting fun-filled day. At the end of the day, it is always her, that runs my mind. And I wonder, if i have been mature enough and if I have not taken her for granted. If I worked hard on making her happy on the stage that both of us weren’t, instead of yapping my own feeling of discontentment in the relationship. If I did that, would she still be mine? And my kids?
So, whether married or not. I think when it comes to struggling relationships. It all feels the same. It is hard. It is hard to struggle with yourself when it is screaming time-out, and much more harder, when given what you wished for. It will all come down to, what have I done wrong? And never ending what-ifs. I understand how you hoped somebody better would come along the way. But you know what I learned in life, it is full of surprises. things happens when you least expect it. Several unexpected things happened to me after the break-up, unexpected travelling. Things that somehow helped me cope up with my feelings. Everybody deserves a good life, and second chances. My girl found hers, and I found old self again. And I know you will too.
Dear Soozie, I understand exactly how you felt being stuck in an unhappy marriage and hoping that a knight would bring you money and emotional support.
It took having a burnout after 22 years of marriage for me to realize that I had been living for my husband’s life and happiness and not mine. Ending up with many health issues and not being able to pursue my career path ended up being my wake up call.
I never thought or ever expected he would not give me the same respect and support I had given him for so many years,but he did not. It was all about what he was missing out on.
The first 3 years I kept crying because it was so hard to accept what had happened to me. The next 3 years was when I told him I was leaving the marriage and he begged me to stay and that he would change. We even had counselling within this time.
But things still kept resorting back to his needs and life, not mine. I too waited hoping a knight would come and bring me money to move on quicker. Also some emotional support which I did not get either.
After 6 years I finally I told him I wanted to separate. I may have had financial support in the marriage but the constant crying and unhappiness was not living. The day I finally told him it was over was the day that all the crying stopped. It was like I had peace in my heart again. Knowing that I had a choice to not live like this anymore.
Since announcing this decision my friends no longer keep in contact and my family refers to it as “being my problem”. It’s been really hard and every day I seek support by reading books and webs.
I know it won’t be easy but I refuse to give up on my life and happiness even at the age of 53.
Thank you for your story Soozi. I believe there is always hope for a better life, if we find the courage and strength to never give up!
Thank you for sharing your story artemis. It sounds like you tried very hard to make your marriage work, and after 22 years it must have been so very difficult to make the choice you did. But you deserve respect from your husband and I believe you were right to respect yourself enough to not give up on your happiness. You are truly brave for following through with your plan and sticking with it despite the lack of support from your friends. Hopefully they will come around, but in the meantime perhaps you should find some new ones. 53 is young! I am sure you have many years of happiness ahead of you. Focus on that feeling of peace in your heart and let it come to you.
Thank you for your kind words Lee.
Thank you for sharing ker-vi. You are right that what-ifs can be never ending. We must try to learn from our mistakes, move on, and make sure we don’t make them again with other people. Every relationship we ever have teaches us something we can take forward to the next one. Life is indeed full of surprises and I’m looking forward to the unexpected 🙂
Thank you Soozi for your kind and positive words of support. I will look for new friends and try to be surrounded by people who care.
I look forward to being happy again and believe that things will eventually work out for me. I will ‘focus on that feeling of peace in my heart and let it come to me’ as you say. Such an inspirational statement,thank you.
ker-vi such a powerful story with so much meaning. Your story has also helped me when you say ‘Things that somehow helped me cope with my feelings’.
I am leaving my marriage of 28 years and am doing it completely alone. Depending on reading material (and prayer) for strength,courage and guidance to get through.
So your comment has made me think to look for other possible options to help me ‘cope with my feelings’, and I thank you.
I wish all the best on your journey.
Just to add Ker-vi, maybe I should stop looking and ‘allow’ for things to just happen. As you said ‘unexpected things happened, that somehow helped you cope with your feelings’. Thank you.
At Marissa and Jamie:
“For me the real courage and respect comes from two people who love each other, and despite difficult times are able to truly listen and adapt to create a better relationship. Of course, I understand that there is a point but when children are involved I think you do your damndest to change the course of the relationship.”
i agree with everything, but speaking from experience as the child between two parents in an unhappy marriage that kept going “for the kids”, I wish my parents had done their darndest to change the course of their relationship with THEMSELF (as in, respecting themselves enough to follow a path that brought them joy rather than resentment and martyrdom).
It’s a tough subject, because really every relationship is different, and how does one (not to mention an outsider) know when the couple should have stuck with it, or when they need to get out? Not always a clear answer.
Soozi’s writing and reflections could have brought her to the answer that her husband was actually that knight, but it didn’t. That says a lot.
” It sounds like you just think something better is out there so you walked away from your marriage, and to me that is sad.”
I didn’t get this at all. This implies there was little thought in the decision, more shallow impulse. I read a story of someone who truly worked through everything (and inferred that included talking to her husband), but came to the tough conclusion that splitting was the best option for all concerned.
Hi Liv
I don’t disagree with anything you’ve said either! I also experienced two parent who were in what I felt was an unhappy marriage that kept going for the kids. I strongly felt that they should have divorced, but also that it was a choice for the two people in that relationship.
And I agree that Soozi reflections do show that she talked this through with her husband, and I wouldn’t judge her decision at all. For me, I went through a breakup with two kids where I didn’t feel that it was discussed between myself and my ex in an honest way. That’s not to say that our relationship would not have ended anyway, but that there is a lack of closure and understanding on my part that unfortunately persists 15 months later. For me that has been exacerbated by my ex moving on to someone else immediately and therefore not having some time to digest and allow for closure.
The point I was trying to make was that whilst parents should not stay together for the kids, I strongly believe that it is a decision that has to be a two way process with the other person. Of course, those people may not agree but in that sense I can’t agree that only one person can come to the conclusion that spitting is the best option for all concerned. It can only really be the best option – at that time – for that one person.
I’m glad that in Soozi’s case it appears as though all concerned now get on much better that they did. That’s great.
Thanks for your reply.
Jamie
Thank you so much for sharing this article. My own marriage is struggling and probably should have ended a long time ago. This article describes exactly my experiences and thoughts and I am so grateful that you chosen to share such a personal struggle.
And thank You for commenting Shelly. I think we do know these things in our gut, and from the words you use you seem sure that there’s no future for your marriage. Try the writing, as I did, and see what hopes and dreams come up for you. At the very least you’ll understand yourself better and an answer to the question of what to do next might emerge. You might surprise yourself.
.. no counseling dictates your heart… why be unhappy …. why should kids remember their mom n dad with sadness… in a world of u happiness… a lot of times seperation brings both parents joy and thats the kond of household children need.
As I was reading this I knew that your words were a reflection to me in my current situation. Except, swap out the husband part for meaningless work. My job has been weighing heavily on me lately, as it does not jive with my soul. At all. Like you, I am a single mom and all the fears in my head go something like this: if I quit my job Ill lose my 2 kids…my house…my car…Ill wind up homeless. I don’t have a degree so couldn’t possibly find a job that pays as well as the one I have now (which, p.s. pays very well considering I don’t have a degree, and am at a management level with much responsibility..Ive only been in the position for 6 years, and am 30 yrs old). My hearts desire is to move to a beach area…I just feel so strongly lately that that is where I NEED to be. I could waitress..but would I be able to provide for my kids? what about taking them away from their dad? The list goes on….My point here is that this article, I believe, has given me what I need…a starting point. I like to write, and will start writing out how it “could” be…just as you did. The part at the end about making this about whatever it needs to be (ie. work) pretty much sealed the deal. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS PIECE….I am looking forward to seeing where this beginning takes me. Peace ♥
This article was very interesting to me. I’m in the midst of a very difficult time with my husband. There has been thoughts and discussion about separation. I don’t feel love for him anymore. We have been seeing a therapist for 12 months. What I have learned in the last 12 months is that both my husband and I have become disengaged from each other for different reasons. We tend to turn away from each other when faced with troubles, conflict, hurt etc. The title of this article had me expecting to read more about finding the courage within myself to stop “running away” from my husband, from conflict, from hurt, and from pain, and instead have the courage to turn towards. This is what I have been doing for the past months. Trying to have the courage to stay. Stay with the hurt, pain, fear and conflict. This has been an incredibly difficult and confronting yet liberating and empowering dawn for me. I am now owning my role in the dysfunctional relationship that my husband and I created. I’m now able to see that I have helped create dynamics within our relationship that are dysfunctional and, ultimately, not what I want. I’m still not sure why I’ve done this, but I know that I have. I recently read that one of the purposes of a relationship is personal growth. Being with my husband is forcing (allowing?) me to face things about myself that I would prefer to deny. I’m still not sure that we will stay together. We may separate. But in the meantime, I am learning so much about myself and I’m becoming a more honest, reflective, open and courageous person which is a good thing for myself, my husband and our son. I understand my approach and experience is different to yours Soozi. Your article has prompted me to step back and try to articulate what has happened in my relationship in the last 12 months. So thank you very much, this has helped me. xx
Interesting article Soozi…I’ve been stuck in an unhappy relationship for the past 10 years. I don’t know why I feel unhappy about it. My husband was very loving initially, but I never accepted him wholly. He kind of forced me into marrying him, and I think I resented that. Recently I found out he had an affair with a colleague. I tried leaving him thinking that was the best excuse and opportunity I had.
It turns out, he wasn’t in love with her, and wanted to live with me all his life! I tried separating on various occasions, but failed to do so.
After 3 years, he broke off with her completely, and is now trying his best to do things he never did for me and our daughter. However, I don’t feel happy with him at all. I actually don’t know why I don’t feel anything for him (I never did). He doesn’t want to break this marriage and emotionally blackmails me with our daughter and old parents as the reason.
I occasionally have good moments with him, but overall I feel miserable and unhappy.
Is this just in my mind? How can I know?
i never read your comment until just now.. and i remember this line that i almost memorized because it struck me..
“the great moments of your life won’t necessarily be the things you do..they’ll also be the things that happen to you. Never forget,
that on any day, you could step out the front door, and your whole life could change forever.”
indeed..
Sometimes no matter how much you work on it, some relations don’t work out. It’s not good for the child in the long run, if parents stay only for them. I’m going through a difficult time right now, I’ve been with my husband for 11 years and it never felt to right to marry him. I did it because he was persuasive and manipulative. I tried working on it as much as I could. He always thought the fault was all mine and didn’t feel the need to go counselling. He had an affair then came back to me. I didn’t want to accept him back, but eventually did it only out of the fear – of living alone, of everything that you mention.
I stayed for my daughter, but after 2 years, I feel my energy draining, I feel miserable all the time. I’m unhappy and I want out. But he won’t let me go! To me this is a toxic relationship because I’m doing what’s being asked of me, not what I want to do. Do I really want to work on this marriage? I don’t think so. I think I’m done and just want out.
I am grateful that I came across this article. It’s what I’m going through right now. Will try writing, if for nothing else, but to get clarity of mind. Thank you Soozi.
I’m in a horrible relationship with 2 boys and I’m stupidly 6 months pregnant. I want to leave really bad, I’m just sick of the fighting and arguing. I have built up so much resentment and anger towards this man, yet I still don’t know why on earth I’m here! Why do I find it so hard to leave. I’m not happy at all and my kids would be happier without the father around honestly. I wish I had the flipping balls to leave already!
I only discovered that my wife, the only woman i love with thw whole of my life was cheating on me with her boss. This broke my heart in pieces. I knew form the very beginning that her boss was going to bring about the end of my happiness there was something about him that gives him an upper hand when i came to women. He always got what he wanted from any beauty that capture his eye. What wowed me was that my wife, fell for him and decided to put at stake everything we have fought and worked for all those 14 years. I trusted her though i can’t say that our sex life was epic but i can say we were doing alright. I discovered messages in her computer about 4 months ago. I was mad and at the same time sad but i was going to find out how true they where before i ask her or rather before i was going confront her about what i know about sexual relationship with her boss. Unfortunately i was so unlucky and could not dig up any dirt. The affair was perfectly carried out and by all means no trail was left to trace. I could not pay for a private investigator so i decided to confront her myself and ask her about the messages on her computer and like instantly she came out clean but i wished i never asked her because it was like she needed me to see those messages in the first place. My discovery about her affair was like her ticket or rather her way of telling me she no longer was in love with me after 14 years of marriage. She basically left me for her boss. I wished i knew where we went wrong and got bad. Am just gonna go straight to the point because i was not just going let her go like that. She was the first and only girl i had sex with i was not a popular guy in high school she was all i had and loved i was not even in my dreams, let her go without a fight in what ever form. I found a powerful elixir maker called DR MATAMAH Online during a 4 months period she was living with her boss. He is a real and legit and all his techniques actually works just the way they ought to work. If not for DR MATAMAH i would probably be a wasted human by now. He helped me with a make the woman i promised my life time to on the day of our wedding come back to me. It might seem selfish of me to some of you but others who understand what i was in, can tell that just letting her do would be foolish because never again will i find someone like her. All DR MATAMAH asked from me was just materials and nothing else and it was for not reason compulsory for me to give him the money for the materials because, i had options he gave me to get the process done. I could get the materials myself and mail it to him via ups or come down to his holy ground or send down the cost of the materials to him which is less expensive that all other options. And i did just that and it worked will for me. He helped me prepare power elixir and via ups he sent me a package containing harmless materials and instructions on how i was going make the elixir active. I did all he asked me to do in the instructions and everything happened just how i wanted. I got my wife to love just the way i wanted and i loved her just how she wanted. I can literally say my life is perfect because all i need in my life was my family and i had it back with a stronger love bond. DR MATAMAH can be reached with his email address: guruvoodospellcast@yahoo.com
I am amazed at how Soozi managed to leave this marriage.
I have been married for 18 years and have faced verbal abuse physical and mental abuse. I didnt know it at the time and didnt understand much about abuse to recognise I was in an abusive relationship.
I was advised to leave several times but found reasons to stay. Since marrying him I have lost my self esteem my job my happiness and many friends.
Since the last incident 6 months ago where because he was so stressed at work decided to give me the silent treatment for 6 months stopped paying the mortgage spat in my face and threatened to thow me and my three kids onto the street.
All this while I was dealing with the recent death of my mother and the liver cancer my dad was now faced with.
He then took a holiday to see his parents overseas for 4 months and suddenly my father died and I received a huge inheritance.
Hes been so so nice to me since. Pampering me and bending over backwards for me.
I have been in a toxic relationship for many years with an alcoholic spouse. I stayed with him for so long for many reasons but mainly because of our young children and because of his financial support, he being the bread winner bringing in a good income. I let myself be manipulated (alcoholics are the greatest manipulators) by his lies and his false promises. I held onto a fantasy that one day he would become sober and we would have a wonderful family life and live in a lovely house. I held on through the emotional and verbal abuse, I held on after the affairs, I held on after he quit work twice via text message, I held on after a lot. I held on because it was the alcohol that caused him to be a monster, he was an amazing person sober. After years of alcohol abuse he was a monster period. A monster with huge mood swings, it was like living with Jekyll and Hyde. By this stage our children were in pre school and primary school and I couldn’t bare the thought of being a poor single mother. Fast forward 5 years, we sold our house and my husband moved to the city for work, I moved to the beach (1.5 hours away) with our children for headspace (my anxieties became less and less after each passing month) and my husband came home on weekends. Fast forward another 6 months, with money in the bank and after completing a short course, I’ve finally broken free and this time I’m determined to stay free. The course of events that lead me to this decision were not pleasant and the straw that broke the camels back was heartbreaking. I want/need to thank you Soozie for sharing your story, just like you I wanted a knight in shinning armour to save me but of course that’s just a fairy tale, I need to save myself. I have read so many articles on breaking up, leaving an alcoholic etc but never have I read about running towards a better life. I’ve mostly looked back and when I’ve looked forward I’ve just seen the unknown which is scary. So thank you for this article, I will now look forward to the life I want and I will steer the ship towards it.
This really hit home. I wish I could find the strength to leave. I want a better life for my daughter and I. I want a partner who has respect for me. Who loves me for me. It all feels unattainable…maybe one day I will get the strength. For now I feel like I’m stuck in a hole.
Wow this article. It’s as if i wrote it myself. Too many similarities. Thank you for inspiring!
Staying in a marriage where you don’t feel loved or incapable of offering love is hard…i m in the same situation. But you were lucky enough that your husband respected your decision to divorce. I’m stuck bcj neithr my husbnd nor my family want me to leave this marriage. I’ve a few things clear in my mind about my career and how wd i begin a new life. And then the future is definitly unpredictble. This writing thing has defintly helped me too in gaining clarity about my marriage n life. But i dnt knw hw to cnvince all of these people? Im trying to collect that strengh and courage to leave everything and everyone behind and start afresh without everybody’s approval. Thanks for sharing the blog dear. I congratulate you for standing up with courage. God bless