“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” ~Henry David Thoreau
Another day, another class missed, another alarm turned off. No motivation but to turn the pillow over to its colder side and lay there half asleep, unanswered questions gliding in and out of my mind.
This was how most of my mornings went in my last days of college. I had never been too motivated by the promise of college, even in high school, but it had always been set in my head that a college degree was my goal, my path to that elusive happiness we all crave.
It was my belief, and perhaps my parents’ as well, that I would head off to have the proverbial college experience and in the process I would become a lawyer or some sort of government official. That I would just wake up one day and say, “Aha! I know what I want to do for the rest of my life!” But that morning epiphany never came.
All that happened was a continuous cycle of partying, all night study sessions, followed by a complete and utter lack of fulfillment. So I dropped out. I moved back home with no degree, disappointed parents, and a deep sense of failure and confusion.
It was one of the most trying times in my life simply because I realized that my life had been on autopilot.
Everything about my future was ambiguously assumed. I would get into debt by going to college, then I would be forced to get a job to pay off that debt, while still getting into more and more debt by buying a house and a car. It seemed like a never-ending cycle that had no place for the possibility of a dream.
I wanted more—but not necessarily in the material sense of personal wealth and success. I wanted more out of life. I wanted a passion, a conceptual dream that wouldn’t let me sleep out of pure excitement. I wanted to spring out of bed in the morning, rain or shine, and have that zest for life that seemed so intrinsic in early childhood.
We all have a dream. It might be explicitly defined or just a vague idea, but most of us are so stuck in the muck of insecurity and self-doubt that we just dismiss it as unrealistic or too difficult to pursue.
We become so comfortable with the life that has been planned out for us by our parents, teachers, traditions, and societal norms that we feel that it’s stupid and unsafe to risk losing it for the small hope of achieving something that is more fulfilling.
“The policy of being too cautious is the greatest risk of all.” ~Jawaharlal Nehru
Don’t take me wrong though; taking a risk is still a risk. We can, and will, fail. Possibly many, many, many times. But that is what makes it exciting for me. That uncertainty can be viewed negatively, or it can empower us.
Failing is what makes us grow, it makes us stronger and more resilient to the aspects of life we have no control over. The fear of failure, although, is what makes us stagnant and sad. So even though I couldn’t see the future as clearly as before, I took the plunge in hopes that in the depths of fear and failure, I would come out feeling more alive than ever before.
And I did. It took some time and some unwanted introspection, but out of the loneliness of my parents’ dark basement, I came out with a bright light of creativity and personal understanding.
I had always loved writing and telling stories, but the task of writing a book just seemed too daunting and cumbersome for a nineteen-year-old kid. So I began writing poetry, playing with metaphors and smiling at similes. And then I slowly began incorporating my poetry into songs, and my passion for songwriting was instilled.
My experience doesn’t entail that you should immediately drop out of school or quit your job.
What it does mean is that if you feel lost, just take a deep breath and realize that being lost can be turning point of finding out who you truly are and what you truly want to do.
I still struggle, I still feel lost at times. I’ve cried and I’ve felt embarrassed. I’ve felt like a failure and I’ve felt pity from others and from myself. But I’m at peace with myself more and more every day and now I don’t even need an alarm to get up in the morning.
I just fall asleep thinking about the people I hold close to my heart and my music, and that brings me more excitement than anything I could have ever imagined.
Life is amazing. I believe we’re here to find happiness, and when we do, to share it with everyone we meet.
So don’t be afraid to lose yourself. The individual that comes out of the maze might just surprise you.
Photo by /Sean
About Juan Arbelaez
Juan Arbelaez is an aspiring renaissance man who enjoys reading, writing, meditating and making music. He currently lives in Towson, Maryland but is originally from Colombia. If you want to check out his music you can visit his YouTube page or follow him on twitter @CogDis410.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine.
As I woke up this morning . . . I had such a deep sense of being lost . . . after quitting a job that made me feel so unhappy for so long hasn’t quite given me the fist pumping clarifying moment I had expected. Being unemployed hasn’t made the decision feel quite right just yet, but this article really spoke to me today. Thank you for being brave.
Alex, I’ve quitted my job 8 months ago too. trying to do freelance, but turns out much more aimless. made several mistakes but did not seems to turn any brighter. feeling terrible, and lost.
I also quit my job, nearly a year ago, because it was killing me. I began freelancing and I was pretty successful at it, but it’s sort of a soul shattering experience. Things are better, but I wouldn’t be on this website if I weren’t also feeling terribly lost right now.
I can think of many people who can relate to this, Juan – the feeling of being on autopilot, only to stop and realise it isn’t what you want. Sometimes this can happen with dreams too – you start on the path of making them happen and get to a stage where you think ‘is this what I really want’.
Your introspection was clearly vital for you to carve out next steps. I wonder if most people would take such initiative?
– Razwana
Thank You for sharing your experiences Juan. I’m at a point at my life where nothing makes sense, and I’m absolutely lost beyond words. Your words have brighten up my day:) Again Thanks.
thank you for sharing this. it was exactly what i needed this morning. 🙂
it’s funny how we find exactly what we need when we thought there wasn’t anyone to help us. thanks for the article 🙂
…are you able to make a living out of writing songs? Anyway, good luck and thanks for writing.
(edit)
It was a nice read just to see that there’s others in the same boat. I myself have been feeling lost for quite some time, but in the end just as you say during all of that it gave me an opportunity to search and find what it is that suits me best. It is still a battle and a risk to get to where I want to (especially with the whole onlooking of the parents being disappointed with me choosing the path that I have). In the end I think that if I went along with what they wanted me to do I would be miserable for longer than them being upset over what I choose.
I think there’s always a way, if you are passionate about something you will somehow break through to it, because if it’s something you enjoy you will feel happy with it even if you don’t get paid for doing it..and that passion does shine through to give you the push to actually work towards it. Unfortunately there is still the financial stability issues which I guess can always be a random job on the side. I have hope that things would work out though, I guess it’s just this age when it’s hard to get established.
This happened to me last year. I completely lost myself. It appeared I gave myself away to what I thought would lead me to happiness… I was so depressed that I didn’t know what to do anymore, but I decided to go back to school and take a few science courses which fortunately made me rediscover my love for animals. Now, I am thinking in a career in research. I may not have found my passion as of yet, but I will! And I will jump out of bed rain or shine to do it just like you do. I won’t settle for anything else. It’s so awesome that you found your passion! I look forward until I find mine. Thanks for writing this article.
“We all have a dream. It might be explicitly defined or
just a vague idea, but most of us are so stuck in the muck of insecurity and
self-doubt that we just dismiss it as unrealistic or too difficult to
pursue.” The courage to follow your dreams, especially when others deem them to be crazy or impractical, is so difficult but so important.
Thanks for putting this into words, it gives me hope. 🙂
Thank you so much for this. Quite coincidentally this feeling of stagnant sadness that you mention in your piece, is what i’ve been feeling the past couple of weeks. It’s true that fear does this to us—but it’s times of challenge that allow us to grow the most. As a recent college graduate it’s been all too easy to be worried about not waking up in the morning and getting that “eureka” moment, that realization of what i’d like to be. Thank you for the reassurance that it’s not only okay but a great thing to be lost and soul-searching.
Thanks for sharing this. You know when you read something and you know it’s for you. A message from the universe. That’s what this is for me:)
its very helpful to know were not alone in this fight.. that there is also ppl fighting this 🙂
i have the exact feeling right now !!
Thank you, Thank you Thank you for writing this. I am in a very similar situation like yours in college and you made me feel so much better. I am going to work as hard as I can in order to live a fulfilling life.
I’m going to be 39 this year and lately I’ve been reflecting on my life to date. I studied hard at school and went on to University and have been working in a professional career for over 10 years. I still feel lost as I did way back when I was a student. Does life get easier? I honestly don’t think it does. With age comes more responsibility, and having to deal with the many hurdles life throws in middle age ie divorce, death and ill health. I have a wonderful partner, family and very fortunate to own a beautiful home in an idyllic setting yet it is sad that I don’t have the time I want to spend time enjoying these things. The thought of working until I retire fills me with dread and I’m looking for a future where I can earn a good living but have more time at home.
I’m 63. I don’t much like my career, although it pays decently. I had things I loved doing, but my wife decided we could not afford it, so I dropped them. I gave up promotions because she did not want to move, and I dropped my first career after about two years in the field because it would have meant moving. So those of you in your teens and 20s, just quit whinging and go do. I have almost nothing but regrets.
You know i’ve been all over the internet reading about meditation and things to make myself happier, when i read this it reminded me a lot of what im going through right now. i am very lost and am going through a lot right now in my life, i am realizing that the people ive been friends with all my life are not friends at all, i am having trouble with my younger brother growing up and making wrong decisions i had made (me and him have been fighting a lot lately) and to top it off i have no job atm and college is only getting harder. i finally chose a major and i know what my passions are but im still so lost. I feel like im going crazy and that i just keep falling further away from happiness and really all i want is to travel and live happily and just as you wake up everyday with a smile on my face thanking god for being a live. im actually in the process of coming off an addiction and its hard, i just really need some insight and a lot of things ive read have been helping me so much. thank you for this juan. i see that im not the only person out there with these desires of wanting more out of life.
and thank you to all the people that commented.
One of the most damaging philosophies of the last two generations is this notion of being “happy”. Parents have made their children’s lives meaningless by their determination to have their children’s lives be “better than theirs was”, advising their children to “enjoy while they’re young” and making everything “fun” for them. Of course, good parents want good things for their children, but what we’ve forgotten is that happiness is a BY PRODUCT. When you make happiness the goal, you fully believe the illusion that you can “find” it without putting in the time, work, sacrifice, learning, sharing and accomplishing that is actually what produces happiness. You sound like you are overcoming some of the mistakes caused by making happiness a goal, and it is helping you to mature. If any of us continues to accept our responsibilities and also think of others besides ourselves, too, we will find that the happiness comes.
That is some powerful wisdom my friend. You know, I went through most of these comments and it seems like I’m experiencing the same thing as all of these people, and it’s incredible to hear how similar all of the stories are to mine are. However, after reading more & more of them I can’t help but simply think, “misery always needs company”. that despite us all having similar stories no one has given any philosophical wisdom, or even after reading all of the stories it has neither inspired me nor empowered me in any way (even the main article which is ridiculously similar to my story except im not into music, but poker). I agree with your wisdom in a sense, but the way you have constructed has me wanting to ask you questions about it in order to help me understand it better: Why can’t a person search for happiness as a goal? are you saying people have to cope with being unhappy until they pursue & achieve something? That goes against the idea of being content with ourselves first and the quality of meditating helps a person to develop the feeling of true existence and self content (rooted in reality). 2nd Almost every parent will make their kid’s childhood fun and happy so Im assuming that’s your personal issue of blaming your folks for it. 3rd, most people here are having the problem of not knowing what their passion is, which means they have not realized what they like to do and that is causing discontent (especially since its been a while and they haven’t found it, and societal factors only add to the problem because all it seems to be is a competition on career and $. If we know what we love to do then yes we have a goal and yes happiness from doing something that we love to do would come. Happiness cant be thought of us as a byproduct because a person is happy when they know what they want to do, and that leads them to take action to get there, that drives their motivation which in turn drives their sense of fullfillment (not happiness). Just saw Donald Trump on tv. He’s running as a pres candidate for the republicans. The guy has over $10 billion dollars net worth, and an average salary of $392 million a year. so people like him were able to find something they were passionate about (business management, economics, finance) and be supported by family and because they loved doing it they were also very sucessfull at it and as a result found fullfillment. Your wisdom can only benefit someone who knows the destination their ‘ship’ is ‘sailing’, meanwhile my ‘ship’is ‘sailing’ without direction. Thats the problem. Its like writers block but should be called Lifers Block. Was on autopilot theough university never really knew my plan would be wheb i completed my BA in econ and Im now broke and dropped out My family is poor and i have zero family friends as networks. I see 1 destination for me in order to live life doing something I love because lawschool (vague plan earlier) is out of the question for a colkege dropout. Its been over a year and so far i have no brilliant ideas and no idea what to do with my life except trying to pursue poker…. F ML
The biggest joy comes from being helpful to others. In this society where no one ever has time to give a hand to someone and everyone is focused on their personal happiness therefore competition and crushing someone ells. This is what is braking the harmony in our society. Humans have evolved into social creatures from the past shearing their forces and abilities to get things done together and share the achievement together. Right now we are devolving our natural instincts of bonding since even psychologists tell you to care only for yourself. We are living in an era where it’s an illusion that we are working together. We are all alone. We are not sharing goals anymore, we just hope on the same conventional train forming a temporary team and every individual has its own goal already set(mostly get personally rich to then be free to fallow your individual dream. But instead will most likely spend for health care)
The problem is that We fused so many types of mind sets with globalization that it created conflict because its so hard to find someone that shares our personal view(i personally have a hard time agreeing with people I meet). I think that’s was one of the reason why religions where created. To help us unify our thoughts and believes to be able to live more in harmony(not counting the corruption, unreasonable restrictions and greed in the Church that came after)
I think society needs a change of mindset. Get ride of the rush for everything(why are we running always?) get ride of personal greed and all this money hungry people.
Why did the hippie movement die out? Oh right. Cos they only focused on making music and doing drugs and so most apeerd to be slacker’s. I think the music was a good tool to unifying a group but then after that they should have had made proper goals instead of just complain about everything. I actually don’t know much about hippies but that’s pretty much what I think of them.
Hi Josh, you wrote this about 3 years ago and as I sit in my kitchen today reading your comment, I find myself not only relating to you but empowered to find my happiness. I, as well, find myself battling with “lifers block” and as we both know, it is a tedious and draining battle. I enjoyed your comment and I hope you have found your place in poker.
Thank you for your message. I woke up this morning simply afraid. I am going to be 25 years old soon and I see all others around me accomplishing amazing things. I feel passionless and without purpose….
I am 23 and feel exactly the same as you do
I am 23 and I feel the same way too!
are we all 23 and lost?? same here…
Dear people 23. You are great and much ahead of many who do not know what it is like to be lost. It is a tough age … At least it was for me. Being lost is a great self discovery. I am 87 and still enjoy wondering what the hell it is all about. I hope I am finally learning from the lessons of the bad times. They seem to teach the most. geo
me too ahahaha
i’m 22 and i’m with you guys on this! (turning 23 on Aug 6th)
Just turned 22..still discovering myself
Yes we are
I just turned 23 on May 12 & I am feeling lost but I will use this time to find myself and my passion
I’ll be 23 on May 12th too!
hi..i think first its how you feel , then what you do and then what you become,,,if you feel great then you do great and then you become great
I’m 31 and feel lost. I feel embarrassed to feel like this at my age but I do. When I think about it more deeply, I feel ok with being lost and the worry and embarrassment goes away. However, it comes back when it meets the rest of the world since in those occasions there is often not much time and/or tolerance for thinking deeply. Or so it seems to me.
When you feel lost you simply have to make a change in your life. You only know what. And if you don’t you(or anyone in this situation) should find out.
Mike that is true! Make a change, try to follow your dreams, travel, do something different
I wish making a change was enough but it’s not my case. An year ago I took a travel break to find myself, thinking that it would “solve all my problems”. I got back home 6 months later to find people living their life blindly and myself back at point zero. It’s been very difficult to fit in since.
Now I just wish to live this place again but I got no money, no job, no direction. I have tried volunteering but now I need money to get out of here. So for the past 4 months or so I have been applying for jobs on what I used to do before (linguistics) and other type of jobs too. But the universe probably wants me to take another route as I can’t get anything no matter how good my CV is or how good I perform on tests or interviews. I wish I knew which route to take. I feel so lost and I don’t have any more energy for applying or testing for jobs that I don’t even want in first place. I am feeling exhausted and stuck.
Perhaps you should talk with a job counselor, if it is provided by the state for free. Or look online for methods to look inside you and see what you really want to do. But if I were you, I’d try to get a simple job, even flipping burgers, just to support myself. And in my precious free time I’d think hard about what I always liked doing in my life, and how I can use any current skills I have to land myself into a new field. Of course this takes time, but your simple job should give you some time to think and plan ahead…I know it’s hard, but I’m not sure that there are many other things one can do. You might have to educate yourself. Check Duolingo, Coursera, EdX. Maybe you’ll find something interesting there. And they’re free :). Thanks for the reply ! Good luck !!
ps: if you can’t find a solution to a problem, perhaps you’ll have to create one :).
hi Figgy… Im having the same feeling as you! how r u now? its been a year. I was trying hard to find back myself.. Im not happy with my job, thus Ive resign and taking break and its been a year now.. im finishing my study (my degree) and ive got it after a hard struggle…Ive go for a holiday beaks but it seems that it never enough.. as you meantion, I think I would ‘solve all my problem, but Im not now. the more I felt to fit back since then. Ive tried to get some job application that might suitd my degree or qualifications, but dont knw why, its just too bad, i couldnt get the one I wanted. I feel tired as well as stress as as I got no money , no job, need to hiding from my family and friends (the fact that Im still working with my previous co and I need to pretend ‘working day’ everyday as I dont want them to worry ab it) I really feel so stressful day by day out there as I couldnt find any outcome or solutions. I hate myself and feel Im useless..I feel embarrassed even to call my friends as they all in very happy and sucessful life..(good career,good families etc)
how come life is so hard??/
same here
I am 38 and I feel embarrassed, sad, hopeless and terrible lost.
mpriva, i am the same age as you are.i have had a very hard life in the past. i cant seem to find my true happiness. i have been keeping all of this inside and its breaking me. there is a lot to be thankful for but i feel lifeless inside.
Same here.
At 49 I should have some means of handling or dealing with this….
i think first its how you feel , then what you do and then what you become,,,if you feel great then you do great and then you become great
Simple & genius. This speaks volumes for me janvi (i’m 37 and been feeling a bit lost recently as i’m in a period of changes)
I’ve noted this to remind myself and going to be decorating soon – hoping this will make me start to feel better ..thank you 🙂
I’m 22 and I feel the same. Like I am trapped in a vicious cycle, and constantly worried that I am a disappointment to my parents, myself and people who don’t even matter. I still feel doubtful if I have chosen the right career because everyday the motivation gets lesser and frustrations pile up. I feel like I am stepped on by people in order to achieve their own purposes, and I feel so lonely and friendless.
hi…i think first its how you feel , then what you do and then what you become,,,if you feel great then you do great and then you become great
Same age here31 and feeling like shit 80% of my life.how did i get here and whats the purpose of me being here? Nothing goes well! I feel like a stepping stone for other people to get somewhere ahead of me. Im not sad anymore about it, now im just angry :/
i am 33 yrs feeling depressd about future.
I’m 30, and fear I have already failed at life.
What’s the point in trying anymore.
don’t feel so bad.. i’m 49 and I don’t know what I believe.. who I am.. or who I trust.. and who I don’t.. my thoughts when it comes to anyone or anything flip flop so much.. it’s literally driving me insane
omg i understand you….
I am 54 lost not sure what the heck to do. Where am i? Whoam i? What should i be doing
It terrifies me to think I could go the majority of my life without finding myself, like you have.. what a nightmare..
I’m feeling lost for I don’t know how many years now. I think its more than 10 but it wasn’t always constant. Sometimes I would pick up on some dreams and try follow them as best I could but it always ended up in me failing.
I remember that when I was very young, I had inserted in my head to become someone like Einstein and so always like to understand mechanisms and develop an understanding for things. I’m 25years old and have practically no devolved skills(except for some understandings). I’m not good with calculations and I can’t write well for many reasons do to me being dyslexic at young age, having changed school and country many times therefor also language(I don’t have a mother tung) i have been bullied allot and mocked heavily as a kid which I think is what really made me self contuse and afraid of people. I remember one time a kid destroyed my art work in art class and his excuse to the teacher was;”its popular to bully “me””. I suck at sports(always last kid finishing laps in swimming). I have no social circle, no friends. I’m always alone 24/7 for like 15 years now. I have no talking skills(I can understand humor but not create it) im not able to express my thoughts ever which is my main frustration.
All my love attempts have failed. The 1st failed love attempt(age19 its actually like my 8th failed love attempt but this was my first actual achieved relationship) is what had really broken my ideals and understanding of women(I realize that what I wanted in a relationship is pretty impossible to achieve in this era).
At age 23 I fell in a psychosis because of stress another failed love attempt. I was thinking stuff like I was jesus and I had to bring harmony to this world during my psychosis(I had a lot of energy and motivation in that state btw. I had HUGE blisters all over my feet for all the walking and running I did) I was thrown in the hospital and given pills to numb down my thinking… In other word they shutdown my motivation again…
Since I haven’t developed any real skills to put to practical use. I started studying again but I can’t keep my head focused on what im studying. Its like my mind always wants to rebel to this kind of academic learning. I never actualy tried to kill myself but I understood that in this society, taking away once own life is considered selfish, week, disgraceful. So im stuck with 0 motivation in this world with the only possible option I find, put off limits(suicide). I’m in a limbo of nothingness.
Here is a TED talk on dyslexia for whoever is interested: https://youtu.be/_dPyzFFcG7A
I have strongly felt all 7 capital sins(maybe not greed that much) and come to understand now why they are considered sins. But right now I feel non of these sins. No greed, No pride, no lust, no wrath(anger), no gluttony, no real envy(jealousy), I guess now mostly I feel sloth(much), a bit of envy but very little and also very little wrath.
I think this system we live in has dulld down our existence. I’m a sucker for adventure and discovery. I see no adventure or point to this life. No real goal. Why are we in such a rush in this society? Why have we become so competitive within our own? Can someone pls tell me what we are running after???
We run just cos its fun maybe?? I find social collaboration funner instead of crushing one another for a spot of work.
It’s not really true that money makes the world go around. Money is used to get desires. So its more correct to say that desire makes the world go around.
I can image a system with no money. Which is just desire driven and society can still function with no caos. We are entering an automated era. Its means jobs like counter/receptionist, pilots, truck drivers and any kind of labor job or repeating task jobs will stop to exist. Its invetible that machines will takeover most “skill based” jobs. The only jobs that would make sense to still exist in the next era is research type jobs. Which btw is one of the lowest paying type of jobs right now.
Why do people put hate on immigrants taking away jobs? Immigrants are just the backup for now until machines can take over all. Don’t hate immigrants, don’t hate machines just change the way the system works. All we need is research type jobs and don’t make it a “JOB”(obligation and competition for spot) let the research be done by whom actually has a passion for research.
Who actually wants to do it. Alessandro Volta was a duke. He had no obligation to go discover and understand electrical potential(volt). I believe he did it for his own personal curiosity and being a duke let him have all the freedom(wealth) he needed to follow his passion, un like lower classes that had to spend time doing labor stuff that took away their free time.
Most likely in our next era theas kind of jobs will be replaced by machines+AI(AKA Robots) so once all the jobs have been taken by the robots there will be a lack of jobs for everyone which will give us 2 options. Option 1: reduce the civilaisatino number, or option 2: change the system get rid of the concept of money and forbid corruption and greed.
Contend will still be created in an opensorce world. Its possible to notice this fact on communities found on the internet. So many people do so many things just out of passion and share it with others without any economical gain. The pride of shearing what is done by you, should be a gain for itself. I’m pro sharing. I kinda get it in the ass all the time for being an altruistic person… So if we are driven by desire. Why can’t we make a system that’s more enjoyable and fun? I guess that’s why I got myself stuck in the video game world all the time. Its s Funner way of learning and more adventures to experience and discover. I wish I could write better and explain myself more. I think that if I developed this skill better I could fulfill my need of expression. I also lake so much imagination. I’m not sure what took it away from me. I remember as a kid I did so many more creative things and was so much more active. Some events in my life must have shut down my mind somehow. I’m trying to open it up again but undoing my experience is nt such an easy task.
Sorry that I ranted allot.
I’m 18 and I’m feeling more than just lost. I’m afraid that I would do nothing with my life. I’ve got nothing figured out, deep inside I’m dying
im 18 and i feel exactly the same as you, i am feeling so lost.. lost of passion and it upsets me everyday. I have been feeling like this for more than a year now.
I seem to fall out of love with everything, i feel like i have no passion. I want to be happy again but its so hard when you are surrounded with negativity and people who have high expectations set for you.
People treat me different too, because i don’t match the picture in their heads, they are disappointed because you didn’t reach their expectations. and its so hard when its family.
i work a part time job and i am doing a business course and i don’t know why the hell i picked it.. its so boring, i have no interest in it at all and im just stuck and feel so trapped, Because of me feeling this way, it has caused me to get depressed & get anxiety, i don’t ever feel like going out my room. i think so much about life and where i will be in many years, it depresses me.. i see no future and the road is so unclear.
I want to drop out but then i will be breaking my familys expectations, they already take me for a dumb ass.
I really do wish i took a gap year to really figure out what i am like, who i am? but i got rushed and presuured to just pick & now im just dealing consequences… i feel so lost and depressed and always feel like crying. i Don’t want to be like this. its been so long. i cant seem to find myself & i don’t have anyone to talk to.
there is so much to this, so much.
i always think to myself that no body will ever understand.
Everything you have said is exactly what I am going through. So I understand! And by the look of many other comments on here, so do others. I just wish this article gave us more of an answer on to what to do now.
I’m in my second year of uni, and about to take my exams, but due to not leaving my room and lack of motivation, I’m definitely going to fail these exams. And then what? More disappointment from family and friends, even my girlfriend is losing hope in me due to my lack of ambition.
It sucks so much to not only have to deal with your thoughts and confusion, but to also deal with how others perceive you.
I’m an atheist and I’ve even gone to extremes of asking psychics and taking tarot readings, and all things point to changing what I’m doing. I mean, if we are unhappy where we are, surely we should take another path? But what path is that…
I know you only posted 12 days ago, but have you had any luck in any of your ideas? What have you done to try and find motivation?
I´m 24 and I have also felt the same as you (it slowed down my studies).
For me, what caused that feeling is somewhere around following ideas (I
don´t use some words in the same meaning as they have in Buddhism).
Mind is a shapeable object. It is a self-holding system which is trying
to do almost anything (even the most tricky (Matthew 26:33-34)) to keep
itself in it´s current state. It´s not a bad thing if your current state
is good. Self-holding means that even ideas which could help you it
considers as meaningless and unimportant and it can prove itself that
it´s right (in it´s own system). In past I have learned (unconsciously)
to care too much about what others think of me. And it´s a sure way to
suffering. It caused me to not like myself as I am If I had not fulfil
their demands. Modifying old beliefs is simple but not easy and fast.
It´s all about training. Every time the mind makes a automatic decision
which I don´t like and I notice it, I consciously make a new decision
and try to add some positive feelings to it. Important point here is
that I should concentrate on what´s right about my opinion, not what´s
wrong about others opinion.
To the finding of path: for me, the first point to realize is, that I
don´t have to search a path. Because that strong feeling and rush for
searching is maybe caused by unconsciously caring what others thinks of me.
The second point is, then (after a few months or so), when I clear my mind a little bit it will
probably be much more easy to find a path. 🙂
Yeah I’m 23. Just graduated high school for the sake of it. Feeling so lost just like you guys.
Same. Halfway between 24 and 25 and so, so, so lost with no idea what to do. Constantly at war with myself.
I think a lot of people came here looking for the same thing. From what it looks like we seem to be lost around the ages of 18 and up but it can still vary. We are now realizing our potential is more than what teachers and parents tell us. It does not end with high school or begin with collage, it simply starts with being lost and wanting to do something. The only other part is making that happen.
I am going on 27 and feel the exact same way.
thanx for your article. i’m going to be 25 years old and .. we both the same
I am 28 and feel the exact same
I’m almost 30 and feel this way too. I feel like I’m wasting my life trying to find my purpose. I just feel exhausted with life in general.
I’m 19 I feel lost also like I barely wanna leave my room it been a few months now I hope I can be ok and find what I been looking for I’m not sure what it is … It scares me being like this
Very curious how you are doing now, 5 years later?:)
This makes me feel so much better! Thank you for sharing!
Exactly! I guess this is written for me. Thank you!
its funny. everyday i feel like my life is over. tho im not suicidal i just have days where idk what to do next. i just walk back and forth to work and all i do is wonder is this what my life is. i stayed out of trouble all my life in school, i was such a square i never skipped class not even once. i wasnt a teachers pet but i didnt disrupt class either. i may not have been the 4.0 genius but i did my best for sure but for what. i graduated high school and now i just work in retail making minimum wage. it drives me crazy.
It sucks….I work in retail too and it is mind numbing and soul sucking work…..I keep thinking, “there has got to be me than this…”
I’ve read a lot of Tiny Buddha articles but this one particularly resonated with me at this point in my life. I totally understand what you mean about feeling like your life had been on auto-pilot from the time we were little. No wonder a lot of us feel lost about what to do – we’ve never had a chance to really explore for ourselves what it is that we want! I am currently unemployed and this is the first time in my life after 17 years of schooling and 3 years of work that I feel lost about what to do. I hope the answer will come in time. Do you have any tips about what to do specifically at a time like this?
The photo at the top describes it! I hope I find my inspiration like you did. Nice to know it`s nlt me going crazy. Thankyou! 🙂
I’m 25 and stuck in a management position job. Although I should be grateful to have a job, I took it fresh out of college and never had a chance to explore. Now as I sit with my computer in front of me, meetings lined up, and schedules to work on, all I want to do is run away and never look back. I feel the need for a big change whether its a career move or just a move in general. There is so much out there to experience and I want to before its too late. I feel so overwhelmed and unsatisfied. Student loan debt has me drowning but I just can’t sacrifice my happiness any longer.
Thank you for your beautiful words..
What if I already took the alternative path back when I was 19, failed and gave up and tried again many many times, and am now 35 with two kids and living with my parents because I have no job and never held one longer than 6 months? What if there is actually something wrong with me that means my arrogance/fear always delude me to making stupid choices? I don’t feel so much lost as wasted and ashamed, better off dead if it wasn’t for the kids I need to make sure DO NOT become like me.
Be kind to yourself. You tried some stuff and it didn’t work out. Some will say life is telling you to go in another direction.
I’m the same and looking for the solution. I can’t keep a job either. Or if I manage to I get totally bored with it. I think it’s more through fear and lack of self confidence than arrogance. Arrogance is just a cover up. We just haven’t found something that keeps us interested, motivated, that we love to do. Maybe we’re just not meant to have a regular job but to create something ourselves. Look at JK Rowling. She had the same problem too, was a single Mum with no job. And look at her now.
I recommend reading “The Element” by Ken Robinson. I haven’t found my passion yet, but I’m working on it.
Well I have sucked evrything inn. We turn to have a feeling of atmospher everytime we feel genuine but ppl dont turn to notice cause of they are used of us not seeking attention. Have you guys started to think that lies of ppl made us think like we do? I strongely believe if u find the truth of what u are made for then u will find happiness! Happiness comes from knowing each sense in your excistence, now if we are 5 percent out of line we feel it, point being find the truth, look beyond where u digged in, you will see that shifting your veiw will make great happiness.
I learn something over being lost in life, I always remind my self, “even there is nothing to do, things dont turn out the way you want, there is no reason to be pathetic” go find something you like to do and don’t gave up, its your life, have to live it the best you can, we all make mistakes, important is to learn from your mistake, i know it sounds cheesy:3 anyway best of luck to anyone whos in this lost in life situation.
This article is amazing. Brought me to tears actually. I’m going through your same experience right now and hope that one day I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.
Thanks for writing this. Your words echo my thoughts so closely and have given me some peace. I’m going to make the most out of my “lost” experience and get that happiness on the other side of this maze for sure.
I feel lost like, I don’t belong here.
I’m 22, mother of a one year old, and wife of a marine. I feel so lost sometimes. I feel like I don’t even know who I am. I moved to a completely different state leaving friends and family behind and it’s been very hard on me. I was going to my dream college, had a cool job, and had to all of sudden drop everything. Now I just feel as if I lost myself. I need to rediscover myself and gain self confidence because it now seems that I’m awfully afraid of life and the risks it comes with. It feels good to know that I’m not the only one with these problems.
i am 19 and yet i already feel lost.
i feel so lost. my friends i’ve been hanging with for the past years turn out to not be my friends. my last job my boss tried to date me. i said no, so he tried making my life hell. thankfully i’m on uneployment insurance.. but money’s tight. i;m teaching an hour of dance a week. that helps and i love it! just wish i could figure out where and what i’m suppose to go and do with my life. i enjoy helping people and seeing them suceed and do go and smile. i also love smiling, dancing, listening to music and believing in my universal planned path. spiritual beleifs buddha stay positive all good things i’m into. just going through the rough patch thought i would make a comment. deep breath. stay focused. trying to not be afraid and learn to fly*
Music is a great therapy too. Try designing a playlist on the emotional map of Muzikool (http://muzikool.com/) and you can think with the playling music to end in a positive direction. For example, designing a playlist from sad to happy that traverses through blues and calm!
I’m 20 and feel like I don’t even know who I am, or what I ever was. I used to be so full of motivation, cheerfulness, kindness a friend to everyone. Now I barely leave my house, im hardly ever in a good mood, and I don’t feel like i have energy to do anything anymore. I don’t know how this happen. I try real hard to understand and the only conclusion im getting is “Me.” I am whats happenened to me. No one els made me like this and no one can unmake me like this, Only I can do that.
I feel so lost sometimes I thik I don’t belong hre
Great article! Very inspiring…! I feel very lost at the moment but I hope to get out of the maze soon 🙂
I searched today what it means when you don’t remember who you are and feel lost, this one i clicked on thankfully cause it told me something that i had forgotten in just a couple months. I have always known my reason for being the person I was but lost the reason a month or so ago and just felt lost on who I was and who i wanted to be. I don’t feel like my life is a waste but I felt I lost my reason. I am always a happy person and look at the bright side but that changed and i questioned myself not knowing why. I read this and it opened my eyes to see that I am about to find out who I really am and this low point is something promising, i am remembering who i am and who i want to be. Its not an instant thing but its reassuring knowing that I’m going to be me again and with a greater sense of purpose.
You write really well. You should think about being a writer. I’d read your stuff.
I am turning 24 this year. After uni was over, I had to go back home and now I’m currently living with my parents. Waited for like 8 months until I finally got a job. But, the job I have is not exactly what I wanted to. Been working since 8 months now. I’m not happy. I also feel lost. and trapped. trapped in a cycle of routine. I no more find excitement and purpose in my life. For many, this is what growing up means. I’m thinking of going on a trip somewhere on my own. I need a break from my job, my friends and family. Things are so messed up or rather, I’m messed up at this stage of life. To be happy in life, one must be goal-driven; you must be able to see what’s forward and what you intend to do to succeed. And above all, there needs to be the motivation to fulfill your goals. In my case, I lack motivation to do so. Everything around me is just draining me out. I feel like life is taking its toll on me. Oh, I’m single btw. Not that this really matters. But many people/friends of my age are getting engaged or even married. This makes me feel left behind. Some days, I can really focus and push myself in the positive light. Other days, I just wallow in the blues and question my self-worth. It’s just a phase I guess. Wow, I’ve been going on a rant here. Anyway, thank you Juan and everyone else who commented. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one lost here. Wish you all well. peace
I am in the same boat… The light is dim. I’ve never been like this and I need out.
It will take time but force yourself to be positive. Act, do what you can to change your situation rather than staying passive. In my case, I have changed work. Now, the job is still not exactly what I really wanted but I am grateful to the Universe for granting me the opportunity to be in a place where people are friendly. Be patient and keep yourself busy. Above all, stay positive. There is hope, always. For you, for me and us all =)
I feel the EXACT same way! And to make matter worse my best who I found solace in (she was single with no purpose in life) just got into an amazing relationship with a long time friend and is now talking about marriage!!! I have days when I actually cry thinking about how sad and purpose-less my life is. I’m not suicidal or anything I just want to be happy and be able to share my happiness with someone. I want a better paying job so I can pay off my student loan and be able to rent an apartment and not have to live off of family. I’m 24 and I don’t even party anymore!!! WTH my life sucks! My routine is get up go to work come home watch some shows on netflix, sleep then repeat. It sucks balls!! Glad i’m not alone though. But i’m tired of feeling this way 🙁
I’m 17 and just can’t help but feel like I’m blank and emotionless like, kind of like I’m asleep or watcher of the world and just want to wake up. I have no direction of where I am going in life and only do the subjects in college for… well I don’t even know. I’m just lost and want to find who I am before all my life turned to shit, severe bullying and family crisis after the next
I’m 17 and just can’t help but feel like I’m blank and emotionless like, kind of like I’m asleep or watcher of the world and just want to wake up. I have no direction of where I am going in life and only do the subjects in college for… well I don’t even know. I’m just lost and want to find who I am before all my life turned to shit, severe bullying and family crisis after the next…
I’m 17 and just can’t help but feel like I’m blank and emotionless sometimes, i feel as if I’m asleep or watcher of the world at some points and just want to wake up at. I have no direction of where I am going in life and only do the subjects in college for… well I don’t even know. I’m just lost and want to find who I am, the person before all my life turned to shit, severe bullying and family crisis after the next……
Spot on! Thank you so much!
I love this article! And I love reading everyone’s comments. Makes me realize a lot of people feel this way and we are each on out own journey. That is exactly how I felt about college. I couldn’t get excited knowing that I was going to live in debt forever with a degree that wouldn’t make me happy so I just graduated with psychology and now I’m working retail figuring it all out. I guess these are the kinds of articles you find at 3 am when you can’t sleep! Follow your instincts and intuition. I think deep down our hearts know what we want we just need to listen and take the chance 🙂
I feel lost not because I don;t know what to do in the long run
but because I am stuck with a current problem that takes a long time to solve . 🙁
I’m 18 and I’d never felt so lost before. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore. Above all, thank you for writing this. I love it! It fits like a glove. A
I feel so lost, after ten years working really well and exceeding managements expectations, being rewarded with recognition for a job well done I am now no longer working or earning an income and waiting to start training to start my own business. I stopped working because my employer changed the business so much so that the money I once made stopped, I always told myself I am in it for the money and when it stopped I left to try and make it somewhere else. I believe I have done the right thing but every time I see money spent and nothing coming in I worry and ask myself what are you doing, do you really know what your doing and who the hell are you, can you really trust yourself. I believe in God and tell myself to trust in the lord that he is holding your hand and leading you right now, I keep telling myself to trust him but over and over I forget to do that and I leave myself feeling so lost, miserable and feeling pretty much powerless.
I will come back to this website one day and I hope to share good positive news with the readers, right now I feel like a lost child in a big department store desperate to find my mum.
I feel lost and not sure why I’m here…I’m 29, degree qualified, no job and no bf and barely any life in me, over it
music is enjoyable and stimulating but usually a waste of time. You life long goal is basically to amuse yourself.
Music is life… Ever felt goosebumps listening to any song? Its that strong…it creates harmony.. Otherwise, its just noise.
i am turning 24 nxt year, im in university final year but im not happy doing my course…im trying to find my talent and purpose in life but so far ive found nothing….i do not know what to do because im lost in life….help me
Hi i really need help with decisions to make. I am going to be going to college soon and i feel like this is the time that i need to know which way to go with my life. Im really into cooking so culinary school would be a dream come true but i am also very good at softball and would like to be scouted by prestigious schools. I feel like its my job to make my own decisions but i want at least some guidance from others and i feel like im not getting any at all. Its just very scary to know that whichever way i go is how my life is going to be for at least a couple more years and i dont want to regret making the wrong one and ending up wishing i did the other. Its so frustrating that im to the point that I’m having anxiety issues
I feel the same… even if I a surrounded with the people I love, and who love me – I still feel lost. Desolate on the inside. My mind is louder than ever, and this article reminded me that it’s Ok and that following our hearts is just what may be the key to all of our answers and joy, truly. Thank you and I hope that all of you are having a wonderful day! ღ
hi i’m 18 and I honestly think that dying is the best option for me… I think that my parents will have lesser problems if I die since I’m just useless, plain bullshit. I’m taking a college course that i don’t like nor hate but my parents does not really want that course which is finance…. they want me to be a doctor… but then i got into this course… it’s a long story…. but ugh dying will be my happy ending