fbpx
Menu

Forget Yourself

Hugging

“When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.” ~Sue Patton Theole

Whether you’re talking to your mother or your coworker, odds are you don’t always give your complete attention, without formulating thoughts of your own. Even the most Zen person sometimes waits to talk instead of really listening.

It happens all the time.

As your sister recounts her afternoon and the hassle she encountered at the DMV, you feel the temptation to interrupt and one-up her—your afternoon was even crazier.

While your boyfriend tells you about his interview, you half-listen and half prepare your own monologue, entitled My Long Day at the Office.

And let’s not forget your daughter’s after-school recap, when it takes everything inside you to not finish her sentence, rush her to the point, and start doling out chores. Without realizing it, you’ve given a subtle cue she doesn’t deserve your time and full attention.

When you focus your energy on planning what to say next, you don’t completely hear what someone’s saying—meaning you respond to them without digesting their words first.

Instead of staying open, allowing their story maximum impact, you listen halfheartedly so you’ll have your turn, and hopefully their agreement or approval.

After all, that’s what we all want: a sense that we’re heard, our feelings make sense, and we have a right to feel them.

Why not give that gift to someone else before seeking it for yourself?

It’s challenging to stop thinking about our lives long enough to focus on someone else’s. And it may seem counterintuitive—how can you converse if you don’t process what someone else says and consider it within the context of your own reality?

It’s not so much a matter of shutting off your mind as it is learning to focus your attention—actively listening without judging or drifting, so you can respond from a place of clarity; and quelling your instinct to switch the subject when that person you care about would appreciate just a little more of your time.

When you resist the urge to compare or compete and refrain from forming opinions, you let other people know you care about what they have to say. Not just because it gives you an excuse to talk about yourself, but because you value their thoughts and learn from them.

In the process, you also give yourself a break from worrying, analyzing, and judging—a brief flicker in time to let everything go and just absorb the world around you.

In that way you benefit twofold from forgetting yourself for a while.

Photo here.

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.

See a typo or inaccuracy? Please contact us so we can fix it!
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
17 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Melissa

Yes, thanks for the reminder. We often forget that the best gift we can give another – whether a loved one or a stranger – is our full attention. It's a good way to meditate, actually, by being fully present with the other person.

-Melissa

[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Gina JMP, Paula Daunt. Paula Daunt said: RT tinybuddha Do Happy: Forget Yourself http://is.gd/7869a […]

trackback

Social comments and analytics for this post…

This post was mentioned on Twitter by pauladaunt: RT Do Happy: Forget Yourself http://is.gd/7869a

Ben Lumley

Wow I needed that reminder.

I could be soo much better at keeping my attention on the task or person at hand. Even reading this I've gone off to do 3 other things before finishing it.

We should all make a better effort just to listen

albumswelike

Thank you for the nugget of wisdom

trackback

[…] Forget Yourself […]

[…] Forget Yourself […]

albumswelike

Thank you for the nugget of wisdom

[…] Do Happy: Forget Yourself […]

[…] Take the focus away from you and do something nice for another person. I decided to make a tray of food and donate it to the Salvation Army. It took my mind off of things and I felt better for helping someone else. […]

[…] Forget yourself for a minute and do nothing but listen to someone who needs […]

[…] Forget yourself for a minute and do nothing but listen to someone who needs […]

[…] Listen. Really listen—without waiting to […]

[…] with your whole self. Forget yourself for a short while and show an interest. There’s so much to learn from people.  Everybody has a […]

[…] 20. Forget yourself for a minute and do nothing but listen to someone who needs it. […]

[…] we err and hurt, we can empathize when other people are hurting. We can reach out of ourselves, forget our own pains, and hold other people up when they need […]

[…] Ask a friend to tell you what’s new with his or her passion project. Same idea: forget about yourself for a while and watch someone else light […]