“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit
I wrote a letter to my dad on his 70th birthday this past May. Since it was a milestone of a year, I wanted to really give him something that would be meaningful; however, my ideas weren’t actual items. I sat at my computer and poured my heart into a letter.
Suddenly my mind flashed to a time when writing and creating were constants in my life. I had been honored and recognized for my writing beginning in elementary school and continuing into adulthood. I suddenly became aware that I was neglecting my creative self.
In November of 2008 I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. I find that many people know someone with Crohn’s, and you might. If not, I can most simply describe it as a chronic disease affecting the digestive tract with painful and embarrassing symptoms, a little different for everyone—and oh yeah, there’s no cure.
I kept a positive attitude and balanced Eastern and Western treatments. I was faithful to a diet that worked for me: small portions of fresh and organic foods, no processed foods, little to no meat, and limited dairy.
The improvement of my health renewed my life. A year passed with no serious symptoms. More time passed and portions became a bit bigger. Also, yoga went by the wayside.
From the pictures you could never tell, but my honeymoon in Hawaii is the marker for when my remission came to an end. It was October 2010, almost two years since I had been in the hospital. I began to suffer through the symptoms, subconsciously succumbing to the familiar downward cycle.
I started yoga again. I cut back portions and my husband and I focused on bringing energy and variety back to our meals. I thought, “I will turn this around.”
My health continued to wane, and so did my well-being. So many aspects of my psyche throbbed with stress and worry. I started to blame myself, isolate, and revert inward.
I was allowing Crohn’s to swallow me. It took over who I was, it defined me. I sacrificed all of my energy to the illness.
Finally I agreed to go to the hospital in April of this year. I got better, just like I did in 2008. My energy returned.
I was riding high on life again. The sparkle retuned to my eye. My usual pale skin took it up a notch from ivory to fair.
Still, I became terrified. I knew the upwards spiral just like I knew the downwards spiral. This was feeling all too familiar. It was that cliché of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I then read a book written by someone with Crohn’s. Her ups and downs were familiar and I became hopeful when her ups extended as she changed her way of thinking. She started to think of Crohn’s as her teacher.
The concept thrilled me. “Crohn’s teacher” had a much more comforting connotation than that of the bleak sounding Crohn’s disease.
It was now the time I was realizing where my creative energy went as I finished writing my dad’s letter. I became conscious of ignoring my passions, and looking back now, I had unknowingly surrendered my light.
The positive feedback I received from dad’s letter fully propelled me back into writing and creating.
Now, even when I have symptoms, instead of dwelling and over analyzing, I create. I allow the “Crohn’s teacher” to help me to put my feelings into words and turn my journey into something tangible.
I think about things so differently now. Shifting my perspective has empowered me. My energy now belongs to me and not to a “disease.”
Just a few bits of knowledge I want to share from this amazing journey I am on…
Our energy is so precious. Stop and think about where you devote your energy. It may surprise you. Looking back on my journey, it surprises me.
Remember your roots and what makes you truly happy. I can better express myself through creation. I have always known it—I just needed to remember it! Acknowledge and honor where your passion lies.
Allow struggles and challenges to be your fuel. My morning of ache is now a poem; my evening of nausea is now a sketch.
Connect with others! Thankfully, we are not on this journey alone. Share and learn from others. I call this “mutual enhancement.”
Never forget that you are more than what ails or haunts you.
Remember: our perspective is our reality. No matter what we are going through, we control how we think and feel about it.
Learning the steps to the dance of life is a lifelong lesson that I appreciate and honor. Allow your world to blossom, even when the initial perception is that there is a draught.
Photo by AlicePopkorn
About Brandy Harris
Brandy Harris shares her creations, love, and adventures on her blog, deliciouslyalive.com. She also shares silly stuff on twitter, @TuesdayBlu. Stop by and share, too.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Thank you for writing this Brandy. I am touched by your warm-heartedness toward yourself. Genuineness is the breath that underlies your story. The gentle way you’ve shared your personal insights makes them easy to welcome them into my life .. again …and again.
enjoy,
linnaea
Brandy,
Thank you so much for sharing your insight. I have rheumatoid arthritis, also a very frustrating and scary chronic illness. I can relate so much to your upward and downward spirals, and the fears and anxieties that come with them. Thank you again…this really lifted me up today.
Bengta Hoffman
Lori,
This is a beautiful photo. It reflects exactly what I feel when I read Brandy’s writing.
thankyou
linnaea
Thanks Brandy! I, too, have Crohn’s and am all too familiar with waiting for the other shoe to drop and have watched myself self-isolate when things flare up and get scary. Thank you for sharing your experience and giving me a fresh dose of perspective!
Could the name of that book been “Kitchen Table Wisdom” by Rachel Naomi Remen?” Awesome book by a Crohn’s sufferer and doctor.
Love this! I do not have Crohns but my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 4 years. Similarly, infertility took over my life and marriage. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know who the he’ll I was. It was my hobby and was starting to define me.
A year and a half ago I decided I needed a new hobby, one that was healing not destructive. I picked up the guitar, I have always wanted to learn. Learn I did I now play guitar and ukulele. I write songs, some are happy and some are sad. I am in love with life, my marriage and most of all myself again!
Here’s to self empowerment, self love and self healing!
thank you for sharing your life lessons, Brandy. I learned some similar lessons, but my teacher’s name is Breast Cancer. Friends say to me “you’re a fighter, you can kick this disease”, and I thank them for their support. Then, I explain to them that I am living with cancer, not fighting it… I feel it’s another challenging part of my path, not a ‘war’ or a ‘battle to fight’. I founded a cancer support group, and I named it “Cancer Travelers Extraordinaire”, to reflect my feelings on life with cancer.
I wish you continued health, happiness and peace, Pixie
Thank you for this honest article. I have several chronic conditions, all “invisible”, & it so incredibly difficult to put a positive spin on any of it. I take 14 different types of meds each day w/no sign of that number going down. I have a young son, am married, and am on disability. I often feel like I’m being punished by a higher power for something I did/didn’t do. Deep down I know that’s not correct (I hope) & that there may be something’s that are good that ate a cause of it all. Some lesson to learn, etc. I’m going to try your suggestions & see if I can find peace & happiness again. Good luck w/your continuing fight.
Brandy.
Like many of the other commenters and yourself, I live “under the cloud” (for me it’s cancer). Pushing the cloud away doesn’t work for me but attending to my relationship with the cloud really has enhanced my joy and the tangible authenticity of life.
I so appreciate your words “our perspective is our reality.” What a great reminder for me today.Sending healing energy for your learning journey.Susie
Thank you so much for the idea that our illness is our teacher and “even when I have symptoms, instead of dwelling and over analyzing, I create.” I needed the reminders!
Brandy, you are such an inspiration to so many. Your words really touch me and your outlook on life is amazing. Thanks for bringing some fresh perspective into my life, too.
XOXO
I really appreciate your contribution, Brandy. I recently herniated a disc in my back and went from being active and independent to becoming a little more dependent on others for help and a lot less active. It seems that with any health challenge we are being asked to learn something so it is in fact a real learning experience. Figuring out how to look at whatever it is with a good attitude means that we adjust to new limitations without as much difficulty. I am glad you are taking care of yourself in all ways.
I have the great joy of personally knowing this amazing woman!!! Ive watched as she has overcome and defeated the negativity.of Crohns day after day! I thank the universe for bringing such a strong, inspirational woman into my life. Brandy, my hope is you continue to grow and flourish in your creativity and writing. Keep sharing your story and spirit……the world needs more amazing people like you !!!
XOXOXOXO
Brandy,
I am a person with CD, though CD does not have me. It was a beautiful essay. I run two support groups for those with IBD and I plan to share your essay with them. Thank you again!
This line is so true! Thank you for reminding me!
“Remember: our perspective is our reality. No matter what we are going through, we control how we think and feel about it.”
[…] By: Brandy Harris via Tiny Buddha […]
Love your “bits of knowledge” tips.
I have 2 daughters with ulcerative colitis. One had her colon removed and one has been successfully managing it through ‘natural’ ways and in a very mindful manner. Dr. John Sarno’s ‘mind’ techiques have been very helpful. (he wrote The Divided Mind).
All the best to you.
Thank you for sharing… The support group you started is lucky to have you! I have thought about starting one in my area for others with “tummy issues” :)… any tips on were to begin? 🙂
I also wish you continued health and happiness…
much love to you!
Brandy
Amazing! 🙂 You are inspiration! I still have an electric guitar in the closet collecting dust! 🙂
Thank you for sharing. 🙂 🙂 🙂 (and for reading my article :))
Brandy
I will definitely check out that book, thank you! I wish health to your girls, I am thinking of them! XOXO
Brandy
Oh! I am honored that you are sharing my article! 🙂 Thank you… and I hope you are well and healthy!
XO
Brandy
Aweeee- Thank you… You help keep me strong and centered. I am so grateful that I can share my creations with you, your support is priceless!!!
Love you!
Brandy
Loran,
I just did a piece on a woman with 2 herniated discs who has overcome her pain… here is the article http://deliciouslyalive.com/2011/08/27/portrait-of-a-goddess-lisa/ … and her info is there 🙂
Yes, you are so right, the learning is there for us in challenging situations… we just have to remember that 🙂
Continued health to you!
Brandy
Awe, you are inspirational as well!
XO
Susie-
Thank you for sharing, and I am grateful that what I wrote helped in some way 🙂 These connections are what really give me energy… even when the cloud is there…
love and health to you!
Brandy
You have touched my heart with your words… I so understand the “masochistic mind” (that is how I have described it in my writing)… Yes, put that energy instead into listening to what your body is saying. The lesson and message is there…
I wish for peace and happiness for you.
XOXOXO
Thinking of you!
Brandy
Oh! I will have to check that out, thank you! The book I read was “Controlling Crohn’s Disease: The Natural Way” by Virginia Harper. 🙂
XO
Brandy
Awe, I am wishing you health!! 🙂
XO
Brandy
Bengta-
Thank you… Not sure if you know, but many Crohn’s medications are also used for rheumatoid arthritis. Joint pain is a symptom in Crohn’s, as inflammation will occur in hands and feet,etc. My toes often lock up during Yoga class. I am thinking of you and hoping that you stay healthy!!!
XO
Brandy
Linnaea,
I so appreciate your words, thank you!
XOXO
Brandy
So grateful that you could connect with what I wrote, helps to remind me as well! 🙂
XOXO
Brandy
I needed to read your article today because I am in the “I am my disease” mode. I keep fighting with this because I am in the middle of applying for disability due to multiple chronic illnesses. Thank you for sharing this. The line “disease as a teacher” stood out most for me.
Joyously Imperfect
Love this positive attitude!
Thank you 🙂 🙂
[…] Harris renamed her Crohn’s Disease “Crohn’s Teacher,” and uses her feelings about her symptoms as fuel for writing and […]
Thank you so much for this. You have brighten my day and given me hope.
I have a similar digestive issue that took years to get under control. I visited many doctors, I changed my diet, I did hypnotherapy, and it all worked – but in a masking sort of way. It wasn’t getting to the root cause. Once I let my mind become aware of the cause and told myself that I was in charge, not it, I essentially “cured” myself.
“Behold the object, the end, the result, of the great speculation and logomachies of antiquity; the ultimate annihilation of evil, and restoration of Man to his first estate, by a Redeemer, a Masayah, a Christos, the incarnate Word, Reason, or Power of Diety.”
–General Albert Pike, the Grand Commander of the Scottish Rite.
Acts 4:13
“they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus”
Acts 4:
11 Jesus is
“‘the stone you builders rejected,
which has become the cornerstone.’
12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.”
“It is of great importance to fully realize that the constant formulation of any idea, will, in due time (other conditions being fulfilled), through a process of Psychic evolution, cause the subjective ideal to become an objective fact, or from the embryonic plane of the soul state, to exist as a real entity, a veritable spiritual reality. This is the true secret of the evolution of the Soul-powers evolved by training, and which in due time produces the all potent, perfect man.”