“The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.” ~Samuel Johnson
When I worked in the corporate world, I didn’t focus on a race to the top. I enjoyed the day-to-day work of running a product line, finding opportunities for new markets, and helping managers in other countries launch similar lines tailored to their markets.
My approach was to be ethical in all aspects of the work, to have concern for the people I was working with to achieve results, and to share the credit appropriately. This was not the latest “management style,” nor was it proven.
The most senior managers saw the bottom line increase and gave me more responsibility and a promotion, while immediate supervisors discredited me since I was not like them.
A transfer to Asia fortunately took me out of the quagmire of home office politics. I felt the freedom to continue managing in a way that was natural to me: to encourage my teams with kindness, cooperation, and credit while we increased market share and the bottom line.
My staff felt safe and enjoyed their work. The division prospered.
However, my immediate superior didn’t value my approach. He viewed it as a sign of weakness that I was caring and thoughtful, and that I cooperated and shared with each colleague.
Even though I had added millions to the bottom line, I lost my job, my career.
When I’d started an MBA years before, I’d dreamed of changing the world in some significant way by helping others. There was no major in that, so I did an independent major: marketing for not-for-profits.
It was hard to find a job after graduation, since arts organizations in the mid 1970s didn’t see the need to hire an MBA. I realized that if I wanted to share knowledge and skills to change the world in some way, and do it while being kind, I had to go solo.
I went on a solo trek to the Himalayas to clear my mind and spent a month meditating at a small monastery near Kathmandu. I then journeyed to India for a healing purification retreat.
Months later at a Buddhist initiation, I heard the Boddhisattva vows. They were about putting others before self, being kind, keeping’s one’s word, and more. I breathed a sigh of relief. I felt like I’d come home.
I wanted to put those vows into practice in a practical way. At first I thought I would return to Hong Kong as an entrepreneur and send my earnings to Tibetans to start refugee schools. I learned, however, that it would be more beneficial to help refugees create opportunities for work. So I did.
I made the Himalayas my home, and volunteered to help Tibetan refugees develop small enterprises based on their skills and suited to their temperament and culture. This way they could become economically self-sufficient, eliminating the need for charitable donations.
My neighbors in the village where I lived were Punjabi widows—refugees themselves, without any income. Yet they could knit well. I helped them turn their lives around by teaching them designs, colors, and sizes that were in style. I also showed them how to sell these sweaters locally on their own.
It felt so natural to be kind and help others there. Kindness was a way of life for many.
A story that comes to mind involves a woman and a dog.
Dogs that are not used as shepherds in the Himalayas are feral. They look for scraps and fight a lot. People are terrified of the packs.
One day I heard a puppy whimpering. Village children, who had taken it as a temporary toy, helped me retrace their path to place the pup near a sibling. The mother dog came out of hiding to wash and feed the pup. Her bony body somehow produced milk for five puppies.
From that day I cooked brown rice and eggs for her, concerned that she herself would starve from feeding them. I would leave the food near the home she’d dug for her family under a log in a small wooded area.
One day that spring there was a long, slow snowstorm that prevented me from feeding her.
At daybreak the next day I placed some food near her shelter, but she didn’t come out. I waited and then slowly approached the hole. There was a snow-covered burlap sac covering the mouth of the shelter, but not one dog. Someone had been kind to protect the family from the storm, but the dogs were gone.
As I walked though the small woods looking for them, I noticed a house. A woman came to the door. Using hand signs and imitating the whimpering sounds of pups, I asked if she had seen the dogs.
She took me by the hand to a tiny abode. On the veranda of this one room structure was a woman cooking a small copper pot of rice on a stick fire. Around the fire were the mom and pups, lying comfortably and soaking in the warmth. The woman’s own children and husband were inside under a blanket on the single rope cot.
This frail bodied woman from Rajastan, in her thin cotton sari and shawl, shared her family’s only pot of rice with the dog family.
She and her husband were day laborers, carrying boulders on their heads as roads were being excavated through the mountains.
They earned less than a dollar a day for their combined work. In a bare room with a doorway as the only opening, they lived with clothes suited for the 120 degree heat of the desert, eating one meal a day.
This woman unflinchingly shared her food with this female dog and her puppies. She didn’t have much to give, but that didn’t stop her from giving what she could.
I had come to India to help others, with a vision to change the world in some small but significant way. Yet without intent, education, or desire, this woman changed my life in a very significant way. Her instinctive kindness that received no appreciation, let alone results or rewards, softened my heart.
I see that being a kind human has value in any walk of life. This is what I took with me into future work. Even though I many not be the manager other people want me to be, I am valuable in any organization because I am kind.
I care about the people who work around me. I care about each individual client, customer, and colleague. This may not be a prerequisite for a successful career, but it’s my prerequisite for a successful life.
Each kindness changes the world. Being kind is what makes my world significant.
Whatever values you hold dear—whether it’s kindness, gentleness, calmness, or honesty—live it. Be it, even if the people around you don’t seem to value the same things; especially if the people around you don’t seem to value those things. That might be the very reason you came into their lives.
Photo by SweetOnVeg
About linnaea bohn
As a massage therapist & craniosacral therapist in Ventura County CA, linnaea shares love-all-around with clients, helping them to release at a deeper level, to access causes of discomfort & ill health, to return to their natural state of balance. Enjoy a sense of this peace at her website: www.affordable-massage.com
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Well written piece of article. Enjoyed reading it thoroughly.
“Whatever values you hold dear—whether it’s kindness, gentleness, calmness, or honesty—live it. Be it, even if the people around you don’t seem to value the same things; especially if the people around you don’t seem to value those things. That might be the very reason you came into their lives.”
This paragraph strike a chord, and I am inspired to be kind in a practical way, just like you. Thanks for sharing this article. 🙂
Thank you for your post. When I read this post I felt hurt. I’m a very kind person by nature, and I can’t tell you how many times I blamed myself for being so kind. Sometimes I feel people don’t deserve it. People don’t know how much energy and well power it takes to be kind. they think it’s a sign for weakness, when it is actually a sign of strength and self restrain.
However, I have a question, how can you be kind without losing your self ? without being misunderstood for weak? without people taking advantage of you ? without being hurt ?
How can I stand up for myself and be kind in the same time?
I guess it’s not only one question, they are many….
This is a lovely post. I had tears in my eyes reading about the woman and the dogs. So touching and powerful.
This line really resonated with me: “This may not be a prerequisite for a successful career, but it’s my prerequisite for a successful life.”
linnaea, I have been fortunate to be part of various charitable projects throughout my life, and like you, found that changing the world quickly transformed into the world changing my life. It is humbling to think that I have so much to give, when the truth is that I have so much more to learn. Kindness and compassion all too often are placed low on our busy, bustling life’s list of priorities. Anyone who thinks kindness is a weakness should walk in the footsteps of poverty, sickness, hatred, blindness. In a difficult world being kind has amazing power.
This is beautiful, I loved reading your post! The whole ending really touched my heart but I mostly loved this line: “This may not be a prerequisite for a successful career, but it’s my prerequisite for a successful life.” Fiona,x
I loved this article! I try really hard to be kind to everyone, even I feel they don’t “deserve” it due to how I’ve seen them treat people. I also try to pass this to my 11y.o. son. It’s hard for him b/c so many people, not only kids, are unkind & uncaring to others. I only wish all parents, and adults of any kind, would try to be kinder & pass it along.
It’s not always easy to “practice what you preach”, but it gets easier every time you do it.
Yes, it’s sometimes thought of as weakness or being a “doormat”, but YOU will know the truth. Being like this takes more strength than the alternative!
I REALLY loved your article. I’ve always been kind to others even when/if others haven’t been as kind. Your words are passionate, inspiring, and timeless. I especially loved these last lines…
“Each kindness changes the world. Being kind is what makes my world significant.”
“Whatever values you hold dear—whether it’s kindness, gentleness, calmness, or honesty—live it. Be it, even if the people around you don’t seem to value the same things; especially if the people around you don’t seem to value those things. That might be the very reason you came into their lives.”
Thank you for sharing your story. It made my day. 🙂
Beautiful post…thank you. I would also like to add that its so imortant to be kind and compassionate with ourselves.
Yes, yes and yes. Kindness is everything in the end…..Thank you for today’s post.
This story really touched my heart. I’m a pretty kind person by nature, always have been since I was a little girl. I was always made fun of because of my heart, or told I wasn’t strong enough. Funny that it’s quite the opposite. It takes a lot of strength to be kind and loving, and more importantly, be who you are despite what others have been led to believe is the “right way to be” Thank you for this, it really gave me the courage and strength to continue down the path I feel I am supposed to be on.
This story really touched my heart. I’m a pretty kind person by nature, always have been since I was a little girl. I was always made fun of because of my heart, or told I wasn’t strong enough. Funny that it’s quite the opposite. It takes a lot of strength to be kind and loving, and more importantly, be who you are despite what others have been led to believe is the “right way to be” Thank you for this, it really gave me the courage and strength to continue down the path I feel I am supposed to be on.
Hi Jenny,
How wonderful that you continue to be kind, even as others may not be as kind.
Sometimes kindness can be contagious, but we may not be there to see how it affects another’s actions in the future.
Sometimes we may see it in how someone else treats another person.
Sometimes we can have a secret thought that an unkind person may experience kindness.
That feels so good, too!
If being kind makes your heart sing, that is what is important.
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Jenny,
How wonderful that you continue to be kind, even as others may not be as kind.
Sometimes kindness can be contagious, but we may not be there to see how it affects another’s actions in the future.
Sometimes we may see it in how someone else treats another person.
Sometimes we can have a secret thought that an unkind person may experience kindness.
That feels so good, too!
If being kind makes your heart sing, that is what is important.
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Kathleen,
You are wise to add this.
Being kind to oneself is nourishing.
“Compassion begins at home.” (HHDL)
It helps people to remain balanced and whole!
thank you!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Kathleen,
You are wise to add this.
Being kind to oneself is nourishing.
“Compassion begins at home.” (HHDL)
It helps people to remain balanced and whole!
thank you!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Bre,
Thank you for sharing your feelings.
It is amazing how such a simple act can touch our hearts, and speak to the compassionate person we all are.
There are probably thousands of instances when unknowingly you also touched someone’s life deeply. Others who had the fortune to see it were equally touched.
Thank you for all of these!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Sasalool,
Maybe this will help ease the hurt you feel right now:
Bring one of your kind thoughts or actions to another person to mind. Observe it first from inside… going backwards. First see the act, then trace it back to the first thought.. if there was a first thought. Often there isn’t one.. kindness is so spontaneous.. and pure.
Then observe the act as if you were a person down the road, seeing a stranger being kind to another. Feel what that person may have felt .. the surprise, the joy, the thought: “Wow! how special is that! .. I wish I could be like that”.
Continue to do this with more acts in the past where you have been kind to others, focusing on what happened inside of you as you were kind. Stopping replaying the “video” just as the act of kindness ended. Close your eyes at that point. Enjoy the feeling that arises right now.
Is there a commonality? Is there a feeling common to all of these acts?
How do you feel just as you are doing it, just at that moment when kindness is an act of pure love and simple act of being an empathetic human to another? Breathe that feeling into your heart.
If this seems to be working, great!
If it doesn’t help even the tiniest bit, then just ignore it!
Let me know how it is going.
Later more ideas may pop up!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Cary,
You are living a very rich life.
Living and learning are two friends walking hand-in-hand down an endless road of adventure.
It sounds as if kindness and compassion are your road.
“In a difficult world being kind has amazing power.”
This could be a new post (for Tiny Buddha) all in itself. I hope you will share more with us.
I would love to learn from you!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Linnaea, I feel like I just got a massage for my heart:) I LOVE your story. Your short story is a valuable reminder of what I have always strived for. I have to admit, sometimes I have felt that certain kindnesses to others have not been good for myself or my family in some way, but in fact, have done no harm to anything but my feelings. Sometimes that is just the cost of being as true to one’s beliefs as you can be. I’m so glad you got this published to share with all of us who don’t give each day as much thought as we probably should. Thank you for sharing this, I miss our conversations in Camarillo, you are missed!
Hi Fiona,
It makes me so happy that this story of a simple act touched your heart.
I thank Lori Deschene’s kindness for culling the essence of a very long story. She was the one who suggested the phrase that you like … after reading how acts and thoughts of kindness to others in quite a few small and large organizations ended up by my losing my job. I realized that what was more important to me was being kind … since I couldn’t help it anyway …. than having that one specific job.
Somehow there was always another opportunity nearby (to work and to be kind).
It reminds me of something my Buddhist teacher said: When the Karma ends, it ends.
When two people no longer have karma together, they walk different ways. When a person and an organization no longer have the Karma to stay together, the job ends.
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Suzanne!
Endless cheers for kindness!!!!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi wfl,
Yipee!
Wonderful that sharing your values in a very practical way is what you take away from this
simple act of being generous!
You make my day!
enjoy,
linnaea
Amazing post thank you. It’s nice to hear the same words I feel every day.
I loved this post, and while I know that kindness was the main focus, the part I appreciated the most is that you stayed true to yourself even though it caused you to lose your job. That is the most inspiring thing for me to see – how important your vision of being kind without compromise was (and is!). You created your own path to allow yourself to follow your heart and stay true to what you knew at your core. I’m so impressed that there are people like you out there in the world!
As someone who has had to fight to stay true to myself (on a much smaller scale), this was very important for me to read. The kindness aspect was an added bonus. 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing your story here!
my heart flows with tears of compassion inspiration and joy to connect with yours thank you kindly for being a shining example!
Rebekah
Hi linnea.
I teared when I ready your post, especially about the generosity of heart that the Tibetan woman lived. Your quote “Her instinctive kindness that received no appreciation, let alone results or rewards, softened my heart.” Getting a glimpse of her purity truly warmed my heart. And I believe this is what kindness does in the world — touches a place of tenderness and compassion within each of us — even when we don’t know it.
Interestingly, you knew early on that you could not disconnect from your honesty, integrity, and kindness while in the workplace, and you stayed true to you. It was your knowing and how refreshing.
My heart’s intention is to help others connect their human wholeness and the workplace. I too was in the corporate world and was fortunate to be very productive and regarded while maintaining my wholeness. But after 5 years a crux arose, and I was not willing to sacrifice my values of kindness, fairness, and honesty and left the job. Although I loved my colleagues and position, the decision came from a deep knowing and was spot on.
I thank you for sharing such tenderness and kindness in this post.
Warmly.
This is a beautiful post – thank you –
Each time any one of chooses to be kind both the outer world we live in
(and the inner world that is ours alone) is enriched, softened and simply made better….
Beautifully written. Thank you so much for brightening my heart!
Hi Katherine,
It’s nice to know you feel this way everyday.
What a difference you make in the world around you!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Glasschick,
Beautifully said. Thank you for sharing.
Such a wonderful way to live: enriching, softening yours and others lives.
Simply making all worlds a better place … just by simply being kind.
BRAVO!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Gerendog1,
It seems (from your post) that after you were kind to someone second thoughts arose that brought doubts of whether the act was good for you, for your family.
Since the acts of kindness came about through your being true to your own beliefs, doing such acts must have made you feel good in the moment. First you were helping someone else, and second you were being yourself. Isn’t that a form of unconditional love for others and self … a balanced way of being?
Maybe the immediate results were not expected, but that doesn’t change the pure love that started it all. As well, we don’t often see the effect that kindness has later in a person’s life, or the effect it has on others who see it, read about it, or hear about it.
Funny, my impression of you is of an infinitely kind person … to your extended family; to dogs you rescued that did not have the purebred seal-of-approval of the breed rescue you volunteer for, but who received months of loving kindness that brought about incredible changes in their behavior and resulted in their being adopted by loving families! Your kindness in listening to people unconditionally.
You are such a joy. Full of love .. and I miss you.
linnaea
Hi Rebekah,
I look forward to hearing about how your heart expresses compassion in its own way with others, making your world and theirs filled with loving kindness!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Alannah Rose,
Staying true to yourself (as you do) brings peace and calm to a person’s life even though it does take strength at times to go against the prevailing wind (maybe that’s what you mean by having to fight?)
Being true to your values really has no scale, small, medium or large. Thinking about being true to your values without yet acting on those thoughts has a great effect on one’s life. One feels centered, grounded, rooted. This brings a calm joy. And from there it is easier to actively express your values because it feels natural. It’s as if there is no choice, they just arise.
Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with us.
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi my daily facade,
Yipee!
We get to feel your bright heart … it isn’t hiding today behind a “daily facade”!
Please let that brightness shine for everyone to experience. That is such an act of kindness.
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Susie,
“Getting a glimpse of her purity truly warmed my heart. And I believe this is what kindness does in the world — touches a place of tenderness and compassion within each of us — even when we don’t know it.”
hmmmm. That is what kindness does … we feel it and have no words for it.
What a special intention you live everyday. Thank you for your integrity. Thank you for sharing. It gives us pause to experience our own integrity, our own desires to live our values.
enjoy,
linnaea
HI Vshaw,
It sounds as if you have the strength to be kind, and are.
It is harder to be kind to those who are mean to others. Yet because they haven’t experienced kindness in their families, perhaps they could benefit from kindness.
Just as you are doing …. “wishing that all parents and adults of any kind, would try to be kinder and pass it along” …. being kind in your thoughts is a great way to be kind to those who are difficult.
When faced with a bully, being kind may mean taking whatever seems to be the appropriate action while having thoughts such as “May he be well. May he find happiness. May he be liberated from harming others. May I find empathy for him sometime in the near future. May he feel kindness from someone. May he become sensitive to others’ loving thoughts.”
HHDL suggests standing strong in times when it is needed, but from a compassionate, empathetic heart rather than one filled with anger. Being a doormat is not an option. As you suggest, the one with the compassionate heart knows the difference. I think the consciousness of the other person perceives the difference of a strong yet altruistic heart, but doesn’t recognize it for some time.
Thank you for sharing.
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Dyamond,
To continue to be kind as a child even though others made fun shows your courage. I hope as you continue to practice kindness that it becomes easier, almost second nature, and that others’ no longer resist. May others be kind to you, and you find your shared values nourishing.
Thank you for sharing.
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi linnaeab
I have to admit, when I remember that moment, I feel peaceful, I feel I’m myself again, not pretending. I feel happy that I actually made someone else smile, I feel that I’m easing my pain when I ease someone else’s pain, It’s like I’m patting on my own shoulder.
Thank you dear for your advice
[…] TinyBuddha […]
Thank you for this posting. It really speaks to me. I consider myself a ‘kind’ person but am ashamed to admit that it’s not always true. While I’m rescuing cats to find them good homes, I can be rude to people. I could give you rationalizations, but no excuses. This posting and quotation is going to be my mantra from now on. And if I’m too tired to be ‘kind’, then I’ll stay home. thank you.
Thank you so much, I value your inner wisdon and your ability to express your insights. I’m so glad you came into my life and shared so much of who you are. Thank you!!
This reminds me of a quote by the Dalai Lama, ‘”There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies. My brain and my heart are my temples, my philosophy is kindness.” Thank you for sharing such a great story!
Hi linnaea,
Thanks for the response! When I wrote about fighting to stay true to myself, I wasn’t very clear. I was referring to a pattern in my life where I have been in situations where I could give in to pressure or do what I knew was right. It has been a fight sometimes to be true to myself when it feels like the majority is working against me and pressuring me to do what they want. You’re right though, for me it isn’t a choice, it’s just the way it is and I’m not able to act against it, but other people can be very resistant & make things difficult when I don’t do what they want me to.
I think you knew what I was getting at and said it much more eloquently. Thanks for taking the time to respond!
Totaly loved or article & Totally believe it to be true ! An Add on .. People think Kindness is weakness but, truely most kind people are braver & stronger when they keep on consistently showing the world what is more important !!!
Hi Geeblegirl!
Spoken like a woman who knows first hand! Thank you for being a kind one!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Big Zen,
Yes! Isn’t HHDL a great example!! Not only a man (Buddha) who “walks his talk”, but a really joyful person. And practical.
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Marsha,
How wonderful that you rescue cats! Saving any life is the ultimate act of kindness.
I like your practical approach: if I am too tired to be kind, then I will stay home! AND while you are at home, be kind to YOURSELF. Nurture yourself and absorb all that love that your own cats give you.
Rescuing animals can be overwhelmng…. especially in the spring and summer when so many are born, and more are turned into shelters or abandoned.
As a lover of cats, it must be hard for you to hear the reasons why a human doesn’t have the loving commitment to another living creature, and to see the condition of abandoned cats. Most of the rescuers I work with (as a scout for 9 different large & giant breed dogs, and a poop cleaner at a feral cat sanctuary) have given up on people.
An alternative way to look at the situation could be that the companion animal has already given as much unconditional love as this current family has needed from him, and it is now his turn to share it with another family. Your kindness helps the animal to locate the next receiver of love. When the Karma between two living beings is ended, it has ended. Simple! Time to move on to the next opportunity for this animal to teach humans about unconditional love. And on the way he gets to be with you!!!!!
Thank you for all that you do, Marsha.
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Alannah,
Thank you for clarifying. Resistance to what you know is harmful to someone is valuable. In other situations it may be wiser to bend like the bamboo. Only you know what is possible for all of the people involved in the moment.
Sometimes I wonder if trying to find common ground would take people out of “us/me versus you.” It takes time, honest conversation, and willingness on everyone’s part. It is not the easy road. From what I hear, there are not many examples of it on TV or in movies. Yet if we can walk in their shoes for a few moments and share with them what it is like being in our shoes, we can usually find something in common. Over time that can dissolve barriers of false impressions and judgments that prevent people from working well together.
Life can be a very fun experiment!
enjoy,
linnaea
Hi Sasalool,
Oh, that feels so good. Thank you for letting me know.
may you be happy!
enjoy,
linnaea
Dear Linnaea,
As I do ethical marketing and design as a volunteer for community projects and to help people who are unemployed to get back in to paid employment thank you for posting this article as it really stuck a chord with me.
It reminds me of one of my favourite quotes (at http://viewonbuddhism.org/index.html) by His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso: “Don’t try to use what you learn from Buddhism to be a Buddhist, use it to be a better whatever you already are.”
As we are all part of humankind we all have the ability to be kind to our fellow humans.
Namaskar.