“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown
Have you ever experienced times when you go through just one bad thing after another? When it seems like the world is out to get you? When things go wrong no matter what you do?
You are not alone. Bad things happen to all of us too, including me. I experienced a small set back recently which I want to share with you.
Not too long ago, I was working on my upcoming eBook. It was my #1 priority project at that time and I had been working on it tirelessly, day and night. After lots of hard work, I was 90% done. At that time, it was 630 pages. (The final book was almost 800 pages.)
I was happy with the progress. Cover done, foreword written, articles in place, right order, formatting done, layout completed—it was on track to launch in a week’s time.
Unfortunate Turn of Events
One evening after I got home, I sat at my computer and opened my document, ready to start work. Imagine my horrified look when I looked at the document and saw the cover design was an older version.
Bewildered, I checked the page count. It was 430 pages, 200 pages lesser than my latest version! This was an old version I was working on a few days ago. I was flabbergasted.
I couldn’t believe what was happening. I had always been careful with my documents, especially having experienced painful reworks before from document crashes and what not. It seemed there was a software error which caused an older version of my file to save over the new version, even though I had saved the latest version.
I was almost done with the book, ready to launch and my latest file disappeared. It was disheartening and honestly, somewhat depressing.
After fiddling around for fifteen minutes, I came to terms that the latest version was gone. Two hundred pages of material and endless hours of hard work—all gone.
Focusing on What Could Be Done
Interestingly, while I felt bummed, I wasn’t hung up about it. Almost immediately after I realized the document was really gone, I got right to work.
I listed down what changes were lost in the old version so I could redo them. I added them on my to-do list and mapped out my schedule so I could still meet the original launch date. I was determined to meet my launch timing and I was not about to let this hiccup throw me off.
Was I frustrated? Sure I was. There were thoughts of “Aw shucks, I should have backed it up manually” and “How did this even happen?” but those thoughts were fleeting. They didn’t bog me down. If anything, I felt more charged up than anything.
While a good chunk of work was gone, I was focused on how I could get back on track, since lamenting what happened wouldn’t accomplish anything.
Our Negative Coping Behaviors
There are many possible negative things that can happen to us in a day—from the little things like coffee spilling, being caught in a traffic jam, losing our keys, having people criticize you, to the bigger mishaps like getting into a car accident, losing our valuables, breaking up from relationships, or losing our jobs.
Whenever something bad happens to us, it’s easy for us to slip into one of the following behaviors:
- Self-victimization. We ask ourselves “Why is this happening to me? Why am I so unlucky? Why doesn’t this happen to anyone else? It’s not fair!”
- Reacting in anger. We lash back at the situation, or even people around us, for what’s happening.
- Self-blame. We make self-depreciating comments like “Why am I so stupid to have done that?” “Only someone like myself can make such a dumb mistake.”
- Slipping into depression. For those of us who have faced cases of depression before, we might fall back if we’re not careful at managing our emotions.
- Dejection or giving up. We lose hope, or worse still, we give up. We decide it’s not worth it, that life is out to get us, and we should just stop trying altogether.
9 Tips to Cope With Negative Situations
The thing is, as long as you live in this world, you are subjected to the same chaos, the ups and downs, the good and bad, the positives and the negatives of life. You are not the only person facing this.
What sets you apart from others though, is how you choose to deal with this situation. Here are my personal steps to cope with bad situations and create something good out of them:
1. Release your frustrations.
Don’t bottle them up because you might just implode. Talk to a friend about it. A listening ear does wonders. Go exercise and release the tension. Journal it out.
2. Realize you are not alone.
No matter what you may think, you’re not alone in this. Somewhere around the world, someone else is thinking the exact same thing as you. Someone out there is feeling down and out too, wondering why she is experiencing this. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.
3. Being frustrated isn’t going to solve anything.
The problem will still remain whether you go berserk at it or whether you think about it calmly. The former will create more problems as your agitation prevents you from making good decisions. I knew remaining frustrated was not going to help me get my 200 pages back, so I focused on what could be done instead (#6).
4. Know you always have a choice.
Realize no matter what happens, you always have a choice in how you react. While you may not be able to control what happens to you, you can most certainly control your behaviors. You can face the worst things in the world, but if you make the choice not to let yourself be affected by them, you won’t be.
5. Objectify it.
An incident is an incident; we’re responsible for the feelings attached. Remove the feelings and look at the situation objectively. This will help us cope a lot better.
6. Focus on what you can do.
Action creates empowerment. It brings possibilities. It creates results. By taking action, you are no longer a passive recipient. You are a conscious creator.
7. Ask for help if you need to.
It’s okay to ask for help if it makes the situation easier. Remember, you are not alone in this (#2).
8. See it as an obstacle to be overcome.
Life is a journey of learning and growth, and everything happens for a reason. Obstacles are the things stopping you from getting your goals, and if you keep overcoming these obstacles, you’ll eventually get what you want.
9. Identify the lesson learned.
There are always things to be learned from every situation. For me, I learned to rigorously back-up everything I’m doing now—even saving files in different versions so I can still recover the last version if the latest version ever gets destroyed.
No matter what bad stuff life throws your way, as long as you cope with it constructively, nothing can get you down.
What has been useful for you? Feel free to share with everyone in the comments area below.
About Celestine Chua
Celestine Chua writes at Personal Excellence on how to achieve personal excellence and live your best life. Get her free ebook 101 Things To Do Before You Die now by signing up for her newsletter (100% free, unsubscribe whenever you want). Get her RSS feed directly and add her on Twitter @celestinechua.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
OH! UNIVERSAL TEACHER!! Give us problems!!which makes us YOUR humble disciple and at the same time makes us strong in heart!!!…..
This was a much needed article today. This afternoon I received word that I had lost a recent court decision regarding a change of venue in my child custody case. I was/am heartbroken knowing that my ex’s family retired from working at that courthouse, there is virtually no way I can receive a fair hearing.
I have been fighting all of the emotions that have welled up inside of me and had tempered them the best I could but felt myself losing control of them as the afternoon wore on. I realize it is my choice, I have had worse days, tomorrow need not be one of those or today. The article reinforced what I already knew. Thank you and my angels for making sure it was here today.
You canyou can
I always remind myself that life is always in a flux of change. Nothing remains eternal. In the next hour, I will be doing something else, I will be feeling different. What is happening to me now will stop at some point. I just need to be in the present and life will follow.
general how to such as this one here, does not help everyone. their are some bad things that happens and defy remedies and you have to live with the pain for the rest of your life. forget this rules
This article came at just the right time! Last week my purse was stolen out of my car along with all of my id and credit cards. This was just a “topper” to a very challenging week. I needed the reinforcement of this article to know there is a lesson to be learned here. I realize that going “bezerk” is not going to solve anything, but just makes things worse. Sometimes we need reassuring words and articles like this to help us get through difficult times!….and exercise definatley helps!
Hi Mandi, I’m glad the article helped! I’m sorry to hear about your purse being stolen – it must be terrible! Focus on what you can do and the situation will only get better and better.
Hi Cayocum, thank you so much for sharing. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. At the same time you’re absolutely right – it is in your personal power to choose how your days will be. Keep fighting and our hearts are with you all the way.
Crazy how this blog post comes up the day I somehow made an embarrassing and awkward mistake when sending an important e-mail. Thanks for the post!
“5. Objectify it. An incident is an incident; we’re responsible for the feelings attached. Remove the feelings and look at the situation objectify. This will help us cope a lot better.” First of all it should be >>objectively<<. Second, if the problem happens to be a person, this could be the worst thing to do.
[…] 9 Ways to Cope When Bad Things Happen | Tiny Buddha […]
i really enjoyed this post. im about to lose my great paying job of 4 years because of something absolutly accidental that i did but unfortunatley cannot be forgiven at my job b/c there is a zero tolerance policy. i feel this may be my blessing in disguise and also a very important life lesson i must learn in order to be successful in the future. im scared to death but as long as i handle this without panic i will make it through. i have faith in myself and know that i will get another good job but not having any income is something ive never had to deal with before as well as being fired from a job. i promise myself i will keep reading tiny buddha to remind me this is not the end of the world. i am strong and i will make it through. i love this website and am so thankful my friend introduced me to it. thanks for everything!!
Thank you! I needed to particularly hear the I can choose how I feel and react – all too often I just let the negative feeling flow because it’s a habit.
I’ve had a serious back injury then just when I was about to return to work the weather turned to heavy snow so I was unable to walk – frustration was not the word for it – but now I’m going to choose to spend the time productively writing my novel!
It’s crazy how timely this post was. Just last night, I had an incident where I went through all of the behaviors you should NOT do in a bad situation. Thanks to this, I will know how to react and not let the situation overcome me!
I really appreciate your list of coping skills. Must admit, I feel like I’ve been starring in my own soap opera this year. There’s been no time to conclude one part of the storyline before another plot point has rolled up behind me like a semi to squash me flat on the tarmac. So far, life’s been a continuing cliff hanger — “surreal” has become the new “normal”, but I’ve decided to embrace this story as though there was a red carpet and a gold statue in it for me. 🙂
Here’s the Reader’s Digest version:
In the past year, I’ve been unemployed, my husband of 30 years has fallen in love with my best friend, I’ve undergone surgery, chemo and radiation for breast cancer for the second time, my dearest aunt just died of cancer a few weeks ago, and I’m in the middle of a divorce. In a few short months I must move from my dream home into an apartment, find employment in a barren job market, and continue to take care of my medical issues on my own. And I’m absolutely going to do this. Emotions may have run high for months on end, but through the pain, confusion and sadness, I’m still buoyed by a sense of optimism and a belief that there’s a higher purpose for all this craziness.
Recently, I read a quote that’s goes something like this: “No matter what is going wrong in your life, someone else in the world wishes they had YOUR problems.” This is my mantra. I’ve decided to worry less about my lines in this soap opera and focus more on intent. The way I see it, that soap’s not going to run forever. Once it’s cancelled, I’ll have a whole new show to star in… 🙂
Very nice and useful article.
Just like the other reader, this article was very timely for me too. I had been working on a report in my computer lab and I thought i mailed it to my personal e-mail address. But when i came home to check my mail, the report wasn’t there. I was flabbergasted, how could that happen, i had mailed that report myself in front of my eyes.
But realizing, whats done is done, i started to work on my report again and completed it before deadline 🙂
This article helped me tremendously as I have had in the past year some horrible blows to my health, financially and of course my self esteem. You have given me the incentive to “fight” like I use to and want to take action in every positive way I can find. Great article girl. It should help others. As an “ole” cheerleader, like you with your pages, “we must back up a little and punt.” Great article girl. Keep it up! Ann McNeill, Theologian
Thank you for sharing this. It means a lot to me and it inspires me.
I think these are valuable lessons when something unfortunate as happened which is NOT created by another individual. However if for example the ‘bad thing’ is the direct result of the actions of another person, especially if they are someone close to you, things like objectifying, feeling you have a choice and seeing challenges as obstacles is more difficult.
I recently was dumped by boyfriend of two years, I have been bottom of his priority pile as we lived 200 miles away and he experienced huge personal upheaval, with his parents marriage split after 40 years due to infidelity, and then his mother being diagnosed with breast cancer. I had supported him through all of this dutifully, not perfectly because I am human, but the best I can. On the 9th December after 5 weeks of not talking to me, he broke up with me, because ‘I wasnt the person he wanted to be with’ and he ‘didnt love me anymore’. Two days later he took another girl to his work christmas party.
I find it very difficult to approach this and the feelings I have objectively. Equally I want to overcome this but I feel like doing so, condones how I have been treated. I feel very much like my choice has been removed and yes I can chose how I react but little else at the point is my choice, especially being alone.
Despite my comments, thank you for posting this, although it hasnt necessarily worked for me I am sure there are many that will have got a great deal of strength and comfort from it.
Great article on how to cope when bad things happen! How do I cope? Turn to God. Only He truly knows why things happen, how they effect us and others, what it is we are supposed to learn from a situation, & has all power to strengthen us through the storm. Its amazing how we can find peace & even joy during the most difficult times in our lives when we turn to Him! Thanks! Great article!
Great article. I especially like that you choose how you react. I’m prone to “wallowing” in my self misery as action just seems to take more energy than I have at the time – but wallowing sucks out even more energy so I am not better off for it. Thanks for posting this useful article.
[…] 9 Ways to Cope When Bad Things Happen | Tiny Buddha (tinybuddha.com) […]
I actually had the same thing happen yesterday. It’s devestating. I’ve been so down and blamed myself. But reading what the author posted about somewhere in the world someone is feeling what I feel, it made me feel a little better to know i’m not alone. But once i read your post i really felt like i wasn’t alone. I’m glad you posted. =)
A timely reminder! With most things, I can be pretty zen-like, no point crying over spoilt milk right? But my special weakness is with human relationships, probably cos it’s not easy to not take it personally when it comes to human interactions. Still, I forge on, and this article goes some way in reminding me to not take anything that seriously, or personally.Â
It’s been a year; I hope your soap opera has made a turn for the better! Â
losing 200 pages of a stupid book is really a ridiculous example of “when bad things happen..” try losing a baby you asshole. this i find insulting i came here trying to find comfort after losing my first child and you post about losing pages of your ridiculous book. i would lose EVERYTHING TO HAVE MY BABY BACK. you dont know the meaning of loss
Thank you.
Strength through Struggle!!!
Lucy, you’re an idiot. Stop playing the negative role as listed above. What he wrote has nothing to do with your baby. I’m sorry for your loss and sorry you came here ‘looking’.
If he put countless hours into his book that is a big loss for him. That probably was his baby.
Get real.
C’est La VieÂ
Skaffa Ett Live
Go read a post somewhere else written by someone else who will add losing a baby as an example. God you’re seriously dumb…..I just can’t get around it.Â
Maybe im being negative too. I’m going to finish my story now.. it sure is my baby.
this actually helped a lot. This had a lot of ups and downs and I kept beating myself over what i’ve done or what I could of done. It made matters worse especially when my mother gets angry with me and I feel as the world is turning upside down.
This is right on point for me right now. Trying to find a new job in a barren, working in a toxic work environment, getting through illness and financial strife after being dumped by my ex and interestingly enough, my own mother. Trying to wade into new relationships only to find out that most folks are selfish. Through it all, I find pockets of goodness, and despite all the stress of being ready to move on and up, I know it will all work itself out. When a door is closed, a window will be opened. Best wishes to everyone who is trying to keep there head above water!
This did help because I had trusted someone with my longvoard and he never came back with it. But I’ve learned to never trust anyone you don’t really know.
I feel like the universe is after getting me
Ohayou gozaimasu (I’m not Japanese 🙂 Just a Filipino studying Japanese)
I enjoyed this article and, like the others who’ve commented on this one, this article just came in at the right time.
Last Monday, October 1, I got robbed. I got scammed. It happened at the local mall just near my house. Three guys ganged up on me and stole my stuff. It wasn’t anything violent but if I had to put it in a short, simple way: they charmed me with their words and they somehow got me to trust them even though they were strangers. They stole everything: my laptop, my gadgets, my stuff in school, my iPod, my cellphone… everything. It was traumatic for me. These last few days, I’ve had a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I’m not bipolar or anything but after that event, it’s really changed the way I go through my emotions. I’m upbeat then sad then happy then blue.
But through these tough hours, I’ve always said to myself: “keep moving forward”. Yeah, I got that from Meet The Robinsons but that phrase has kept me up even after the event. I still feel a little down but after just Googling, I found this article. And everything in this article is true.
I thank you, Ms. Celestine Chua. This article came at just the right time. I wasn’t going to give up everything but sometimes, I just need a little push and a little motivation to get back up. I learned a lot from this article. Arigatou gozaimasu (thank you very much)
Keep it up and I know that I’m not alone. 🙂 WE ARE NOT ALONE.
I’ve lost my hope … nothing’s going right … as hard as I push the deep I go … I try to ignore and be happy but again it doesn’t works … I’m tired of everything … I’m hopeless
Try getting into two car accidents in two months. Both totalling my dream cars – 1st one (Toyota Celica) – owned for 9 years and was paid off. Totalled – then got a Mazda RX-8 (only three like them in the state) – had it for 17 days and someone rammed into me totalling my dream car before even making a car payment.
I am defeating and starting to be physically afraid outside b/c what’s going to happen next. Wishing the last accident was fatal.
I had my phone stolen along with some of my money on a bus a few days ago. I never noticed it happening…The bus was crowded and the person took advantage of the situation to snoop inside my backpack. When I noticed, it had already happened and I felt devastated because I had never been robbed before in my life. I couldn’t help but think I should have done this or I should have done that… but then I realized “should” was no longer an option. Instead I tried to look on the bright side. I still had my wallet holding way more money than what was taken and more importantly I still had my life and was not hurt in the act. There are so many people out there who are violently attacked just for their material possessions and I was lucky enough to be left unharmed. Reading your thought process during your situation was very alleviating and while it often bothers me to think back on the incident I just know I have to move on and just learn to be more vigilant in the future. Thank you so much for this article and I’ll definitely keep these tips in mind!!
What I definitely think is that time is the best doctor. We will eventually overcome everything bad that happens to us. It just needs time to heal. Some things can not be solved immediately. But I also think that it has a lot to do with negative energy, therefore we should try to concentrate on things that make us happy and not thinking about negative things even thought it may be difficult.
I like your list of coping skills and I will use them. Because I have had a lot of bad things happening to me and I don’t like it alot but you have told me stuff that I have never done about it before. So thank you!!!!
Thank you for your comment! My brand new Samsung cellphone got stolen today right out of my purse while waiting for a bus to open it’s doors. It was frustrating as I had a lot of apps and stuff that helped me throughout the day (notice the attachment to the material right there). My phone, not a month old, my precious pho…oh wait, life is not about that!!! Soon after getting to work and emailing/phoning people about my loss that I realized losing the phone was kind of a blessing in disguise (sortof): people that I no longer want in my life will not be able to contact me, apps and games that made me lose time and avoid things that mattered vanished, GONE, and suddenly I feel this wash of…relief. I regret losing my most precious photos and some videos I shot, but other than that, I am safe, I did not lose my life (precious, indeed) and I can always (eventually) buy a better phone. Thank you, again for your inspiring words.
I appreciate the words of encouragement but I’m not sure how to go about exhibiting these techniques. Everything has been going downhill for the past few years and I can’t seem to bounce back. I feel as if my time is up.
got evicted because I lost my job..car got repossessed..moved in with my fiances disabled parents..income tax return offset by government for student loan..can’t get a decent job because someone stolen my identity and I have 5 children to care for..can’t get a loan from anyone because of my credit score …but still blessed causeI’m alive..but seriously I desperately need a job lol
Interesting, life is a roller costa….its your choice to either enjoy the ride or scream. Nevertheless, Lord my burdens are heavy but am not going to complain…
I think you are amazing and I think you should be writing a blog given your experience of genuine hardship xx
I never got a chance to read said comment because you deleted it but if someone is in pain they will lash out . How dare you put Lucy down like that -you are extremely self righteous it seems, and I am sure the writer can stand up for themselves.
I’m so sorry you are going through so much…. I am amazed at your positivity. Wow… you would be a great teacher! I am going through a lot right now (not as much as you but a lot for me) and am having trouble dealing with things. I seem to handle everything the wrong way… I want to be more like you and have your positive attitude. How does a person achieve this???? I NEED this badly!! You are an amazing person… my hat is off to you! 🙂
This was excellent, thank you.
Unfortunately, this didn’t help.
I am usually a very positive person and I can see the “glass half full” during crisis. “Someone always has it worse than you” is a mantra I repeat in times of strife. But, this time, I can’t get out of this “funk”. The usual remedies aren’t working and I’ve fallen into a deep depression. I don’t want to sound like a victim or selfish; I just really need some help and guidance.
I am young and going through a divorce. I was married for a year and a half. My husband severely abused me – put me in the hospital twice and almost killed me. I began my new life at peace, happy, and eternally grateful for the strength and courage to leave and a second chance at life. I am well-educated, but can’t find a job. I make very poor money. I can’t pay majority of my bills and my credit reflects it. My car needed to be inspected but I didn’t have money for the necessary repairs (tires and brakes). Gradually, I have made the repairs so i can get my car inspected. Meantime, I have received a ticket every day for over 2 weeks for $41 for an expired inspection (outside my apartment the same cop drives by – I have nowhere else to park it). Planning on getting my car inspected with this paycheck, my car was vandalized this Saturday, making it not drivable. I don’t have money for the repairs, the tickets, and now I don’t have a way to my crappy job that will enable me to pay for the repairs. It is a vicious cycle.
Then today, after working full time (about 50 hours a week) and going taking to grad classes 2 nights a week – 3 hours each and about 8 hours of homework – I find out that I got a 0 on my 31 page term paper b/c my professor believes I plagiarized; I got an F in the course. I swear on my mother’s life I did not plagiarise, they were my own words and I properly cited when I made references.
Furthermore, I rent from a rental company that keeps poor recordkeeping. I am being sued for 3 months of rent they are claiming I never paid. I have money orders to prove I have paid and an email from the property manager stating my balance was zero during one of the months they are claiming I never paid. I won the first hearing, but I had to fight much harder than I should have given the evidence. Apparently, from what I’ve read, a lot of bullying exists in tenant -landlord court and I experienced it first hand. They appealed the decision and I have to go back to represent myself against some bully attorney for the apartment company. I don’t have money to pay for a lawyer nor should I have to! I’ve paid my rent and I have proof, but some how, it is still being disputed by these people.
This may seem petty, but when you are constantly trying to better yourself and get out of a rut, and things keep happening preventing you to do so, what do you do? Is it a sign to make different decisions? Are you supposed to change your goals or do some more soul searching to discover what it is you are destined to do or supposed to do? Does destiny even exist? If you are meant to do something does it happen smoothly and when you are not meant to do something are there constant “road blockers” preventing you or making it more difficult for you to succeed?
I just need guidance… I need to know what I have to do and I’ll do it. I am running out of ambition and strength to keep fighting…
Again, I know my problems are mediocre compared to the problems of others. I just needed to vent. I feel so defeated and I just can’t understand why this shit keeps happening… I am becoming a negative depressed person and I have always been super happy and positive; I don’t like it. How do I fix it?
Last week my watch was stolen at a mates house, someone we didn’t know too well had come back who knew a friend of a friend after a night and took the opportunity when we’d all fallen asleep. Went through exactly what is mentioned here and I tell you something I’ve certainly learnt from it. 1) never be too careful around people you don’t know too well especially after drinking heavily. 2) whatever has been stolen- move on from it. Dwelling on the issue is simply holding your life back, like what is mentioned learn from your mistakes and get on. Thanks for posting this Celestine Chua it really helped 🙂