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7 Ways to Deal with Uncertainty So You Can Be Happier and Less Anxious

“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

In three weeks, my boyfriend and I might move from the Bay area to LA, or we might move in here with roommates if he decides not pursue a film career.

I am starting a new work-from-home writing gig to pay my bills while I write my book. It might be something I can do in under two days a week, or it may require more time. It may provide enough money, or I might need to get some other work to supplement.

If we move, I might enjoy LA; I might not. I might balance everything well; I might feel overwhelmed. I might make new friends easily in my new area; it might take me a while to find like-minded people.

My world is a towering stack of mights right now. Though I’m dealing with a lot more change than usual, the reality is that most days start and end with uncertainty.

Even when you think you’ve curled into a cozy cocoon of predictability, anything could change in a heartbeat.

The only constant in life is that it will involve change, and try as you may to control the future, sometimes all you can do is trust that whatever happens, you can adapt and make the best of it.

Since I am straddling familiarity and the unknown, waiting to form some type of expectations for my future, I’ve been thinking a lot about dealing with uncertainty well. Though I’ve written before about embracing an uncertain future, I have a few more ideas to add to the mix:

1. Replace expectations with plans.

When you form expectations, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. You can guide your tomorrow, but you can’t control the exact outcome. If you expect the worst, you’ll probably feel too negative and closed-minded to notice and seize opportunities. If you expect the best, you’ll create a vision that’s hard to live up to.

Instead of expecting the future to give you something specific, focus on what you’ll do to create what you want to experience.

I might be lonely in LA, or I might move into an apartment building full of yogis who enjoy Scrabble. None of that is in my hands right now. What is in my hands is what I plan—what I will actively do when I get there to meet friends, find balance, and live the life I want.

2. Prepare for different possibilities.

The most difficult part of uncertainty, at least for me, is the inability to plan and feel in control. Until I know where I am going to live, I can’t plan what neighborhood I’d like to live in, where I’ll practice yoga, or what events I’ll attend to meet people. But I can plan for the possibilities.

I can make a list for what I would do if I were to move to LA versus what I’d do if I stay local. Obviously the latter doesn’t require much change, so all I really need is one plan and the flexibility to embrace it if necessary.

3. Become a feeling observer.

It isn’t the uncertainty that bothers me; it’s my tendency to get lost in my feelings about it.

The second I start indulging fear, I get lost in a cycle of reactionary thoughts. “I might be lonely” leads to “How will I meet people?” Before you know it, I’ve somehow traveled all the way to “What if I become a recluse, start overeating, and develop restless leg syndrome from sitting too much—alone—on my couch?”

Okay, so that’s a slight exaggeration. The point is that speculation leads to feelings, which can lead to more speculation and then more feelings. It helps me to stop the cycle by recognizing the feeling—in that case, fear—and the reminding myself: I can’t possibly predict the future, but I can help create it by fostering positive feelings about the possibilities.

4. Get confident about your coping and adapting skills.

This isn’t the same as “expect the worst.” It’s more about assuring yourself that you can handle any difficulty that might come.

In her book, The Positive Power of Negative Thinking, Julie K. Norem discusses the concept of defensive pessimism—when you consider the worst so you can plan how you’d handle it. This has actually shown to help people manage anxiety.

Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” In my case, the worst would be if my boyfriend didn’t make a decision at all and we stayed in our current living situation (overcrowded and cluttered). I wouldn’t like it, but I could handle it. I could write at the library. I could take the opportunity to downsize my stuff. I could deal, which makes the uncertainty a little less scary.

5. Utilize stress reduction techniques preemptively.

If you’re dealing with uncertainty, you probably have stress in your body, even if it’s not at the forefront of your thoughts in this exact moment. Over time, that body stress affects blood pressure, blood sugar, muscle tension, cholesterol level, breathing rate, and every organ in your body.

Incorporate stress reduction techniques into your day, ideally meditation, even if just five to ten minutes daily. Finding your center will help you feel better prepared to tackle whatever comes your way.

6. Focus on what you can control.

Oftentimes, we overlook the little things we can do to make life easier while obsessing about the big things we can’t do.

For example, my boyfriend and I are cramped in a small space with little storage. My clothes are in bags spaced throughout the room, like some kind of luggage booby trap. At times I’ve gotten really frustrated with the chaos, since I feel like I don’t know where anything is, and I’ve complained about wanting to move now.

Then suddenly, it dawned on me: moving now just isn’t an option, but I can make this living situation more bearable if I stop complaining and focus on a short-term solution. So I asked my boyfriend to help me organize the space and keep it that way, and now I feel a lot less scattered.

7. Practice mindfulness.

When you obsess about a tomorrow you can’t control, you’re too busy judging what hasn’t happened yet to fully experience what’s happening right now. Instead of noticing and appreciating the beauty in the moment, you get trapped in a fear-driven thought cycle about the potential for discomfort down the line.

While meditation is the best way to become more mindful, it isn’t the only approach. Sometimes it helps me to take an inventory of what’s good in today. So I can’t yet plan for tomorrow—that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. That means I can spend today doing other things, like writing, reading, relaxing in the sun, and connecting with people I love.

If ever you think you’ve created a controllable, predictable life for yourself, you can rest assured that’s an illusion. Nothing stays the same forever.

The uncertainty can keep you up at night, obsessing over ways to protect yourself from anything that might go wrong. Or it can motivate you to practice acceptance, live in the moment, and embrace the adventure of living.

What’s coming tomorrow might not be easy—or it might fulfill you in ways you didn’t know to imagine. What’s certain is that it will come and when it gets here, you’ll respond to it, learn from it, and move into another tomorrow full of endless possibilities.

Today I’m focusing on my possibilities, not my fear, and suddenly I feel a lot better.

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.

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Jaky Astik

Just one idea to deal with uncertainity – start working. Do everything you can and keep doing it. Stop procrastinating and just keep doing the thing. Uncertainty is a mental period between the reality and imagination. To keep it away, you've to keep yourself busy.

Completing as much as you can will only help you, and it may also remove the uncertainty. Not possible always, just a thought.

Jessica Durivage

I love this. I am also preparing for a move this winter from Myrtle Beach, SC to Denver, CO. It has “opportunity” written all over it – I have lived here for 16 years and have been looking for a change for a long time – and now it is looking me right in the face. I fall victim to many of your “what-not-to-do's”… such as trying to control and getting lost in emotion and feeling. My yoga practice keeps me very grounded and I have just committed to 4 classes per week with my favorite teacher here, until the move –
Thank you for the insights!
Namaste
Jessica Durivage
http://www.whereismygurunow.com

Jessica Durivage

I love this. I am also preparing for a move this winter from Myrtle Beach, SC to Denver, CO. It has “opportunity” written all over it – I have lived here for 16 years and have been looking for a change for a long time – and now it is looking me right in the face. I fall victim to many of your “what-not-to-do's”… such as trying to control and getting lost in emotion and feeling. My yoga practice keeps me very grounded and I have just committed to 4 classes per week with my favorite teacher here, until the move –
Thank you for the insights!
Namaste
Jessica Durivage
http://www.whereismygurunow.com

AlannahRose

I'm in the midst of the most uncertain year of my life, and one thing I've learned is that you have to keep moving forward. Even when you can't see the destination, you have to make that small step every day to move towards it. You can't control the entire outcome but you can control some of the tiny things that contribute to it. I know that when things are uncertain, and I am fearful, I often want to freeze and just wait for it to “all be over”. That is like giving up and not wanting to take any responsibility, and I've learned that it does much more harm than good.

Sometimes the big picture is too much to look at, but you can easily see what tomorrow will entail. Staying in the “now” but still slowly moving toward the future is something I'm learning to do.

Jessica

“When you form expectations, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.”

Boy have I learned that one the hard way!!

Great article, thanks!

Lori Deschene

I love what you wrote about the mental period between reality and imagination–so true! If you keep moving forward, you're more focused on the doing than where you're going. Thanks for adding your thoughts!

Lori Deschene

You're most welcome! I've learned it the hard way, too…

Lori Deschene

Hi Alannah,

I know exactly what you mean about the instinct to freeze and wait for it to “all be over.” In this book I'm reading, Hand Wash Cold, Karen Maezen Miller writes that we're always obsessing with how our story ends. I thinks that's a big part of what makes uncertainty scary. We want to feel some sense of control, that we're headed somewhere where we'll be happy.

When I focus on being happy right now, suddenly it's not as important “where it's all leading.”

Thanks for commenting!

Lori

Lori Deschene

Congratulations on your decision to embark on this new adventure! That sounds like a smart move with the yoga. I'm reconnecting with my practice after some time away, and I am finding it very helpful in embracing the moment.

I'm glad you enjoyed this post. Thanks for commenting!

Lori

Jaky Astik

Hey Lori, Hi. It's natural to express such thoughts when you've (tiny)
buddha in your pocket. What say?

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Tony Applebaum

Lori thanks so much for this. I am a business owner, and I have really been exploring how we can live a present moment driven life while still having goals. I think your post gave some great perspective. Especially point number one. Peace and blessings to you.

Lori Deschene

Hi Tony~

I'm glad you found this helpful. I think there's a misconception that living in the moment precludes planning for the future, but I think they can and should co-exist. If we work toward long-term goals with a heightened quality of awareness in the moment, we'll be more effective living in the now AND creating the tomorrow we visualize.

Thanks for commenting!
Lori

Tony Applebaum

That is the best explanation I have heard. Thanks again. Love Tiny Buddha.

BTW, Karen Maezen Miller told me “It's the big time when you hit the tiny”

Peace,
Tony

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Lori Deschene

Wow that's so wonderful to read. I'm really enjoying her book!

Thanks Tony,

Lori

[…] I hadn’t known better before I clicked on the link that led me to the following list on Monday morning, I would have wondered whether the author was a […]

KiwiCommons

Really well done article. Thanks for sharing the personal bits at the start. It really helps me relate with my own situation(s).

Rakefet

Lots of luck 🙂
I always believe that everything is for the best,
and I'm sure you'll succeed in any path ou take 🙂

Lori Deschene

Thank you–I'm so glad you found it helpful!

Lori Deschene

Thank you Rakefet. I believe that, as well. In looking back on the twists and turns in my life, I appreciate every one of them. I hope you are doing well!

laura

this article just spoke to me in my current situation. I have been obsessive over my next year to come for the past week and making myself miserable. This article I feel was written about me! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

[…] Let Go of Worries About the Future […]

Anonymous

Everything on this list makes a lot of sense, it’s just trying to learn how to let go of all the negative emotions that hold us back. I know that’s something that I have to work on.

Abhijit Kumar Ray

You are right. This stuff is helpful. When one going through an Emotional loss. Also, this is very important that we must keep moving forward at any cost.

Drrajesh369

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[…] 7 Ways to Deal with Uncertainty to Be Happier and Less Anxious […]

Silversurfer

I keep coming back to this article. I’m in the midst of a job change I don’t control, but I have begun to assert control in the areas I do influence (packing, preparing, scheduling a departure and backwards planning). It helps with the stress of change. I love change and I fear it – but I think that’s a different article 🙂 Thanks for the refresher on how to keep anxiety at bay. It’s great stuff.

ic sbg731

I am in the process of preparing for a giant life change, the fear has been tripping me up like crazy and my biggest fear is that the panic and anxiety will overwhelm me once I do this thing. Just yesterda I had the thought to arm myself against any overwhelming fear that might (and probably will at some point) come up. I wrote myself a short letter of encouragement, along with a list of things to do to support and empower myself when I am feeling afraid and powerless. Doing this before I encounter those feelings and while I am still in my right mind (ha ha!), makes me feel more prepared to handle the worst if it comes. I am calling it my hurricane preparedness kit. The hurricane being the storm of feelings that will almost definitely flood me once I make this change and since I have no friends or family nearby, this helps me be my own support system when I need to!

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Katherine

Totally what I needed to hear right now. Thank you for comforting me and bringing me back down to earth.

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Razvan Segarceanu

Practicing mindfulness is keeping your mind busy, with your mind, carpe diem – that’s being mind full, being empty. ‘ and from the work thing perspective, practice work meditation, the inner bodies have the possibility of two, even three separate fully focused points of attention. Learn Dharma! – Selassie is a bus! peace and love

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Adanary

I guess I’m late to responding to this article but reading it was timely.  I read it yesterday and overnight something happened and there’s so much more clarity.  I too was stressed about my future as I am settling a property dispute with the ex-husband.  After 5 years he wants to take over the mortgage.  I’ve given him my price, he wasn’t too enthusiastic.  I can’t stay, financing on my own has been difficult.  He may or may not buy me out, I don’t know yet.  In the meantime, I will be listing it for sale.  It might sell well, in this economy it might not and that could cost me.   My boyfriend’s lease is up this month, he and I may or may not get a place together, after all I have been anticipating his proposal.  We’ve been together 4 years and thought the outcome with the ex could accelerate those other aspects of the relationship; of my life. We have children and their schools to worry about.  The uncertainty was overwhelming.  Waiting on others, while needing to make decisions for myself and my children.  I felt like I’d released a balloon bouquet into the sky and I’m watching, waiting to see if they land, when and where?  I’m very hopeful now, we all have a plan and it’s a win-win!  It will take a matter of time, but narrowing down the po burden has been lifted off of me.  Another thought I came across really helped put things in perspective, I want to share with future readers:  “Start by doing what is necessary; then do what is possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”  St. Francis di Assisi ………Love-n-Sunshine

Lori Deschene

That’s a beautiful quote. Thank you for sharing it. Sending you love and light, Adanary!

Habibanazeera

Thank you so much for a great article. I was lost in dealing with my uncertainty and I just randomly typed ‘how to deal with uncertainty’! And I found ur page. Thanks. It is really insightful.