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6 Exercises from Positive Psychology to Boost Your Happiness

“The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.” ~William Penn

A friend recently asked me, “What’s the worst habit you’ve overcome?”

“Besides eating chocolate for breakfast?” I joked. “That would be complaining.”

I used to be an incessant complainer. Whining was practically in my DNA. When I was growing up, my father blamed the weather for his tennis elbow, the traffic, and his subpar golf game, and he frequently formed judgments and assumptions about other people.

If we drove by a neighbor’s nicely manicured lawn, he’d whisper that the house was bought “for a steal,” while waving to the owner. When his colleagues vacationed in Hawaii, he presumed that family money financed the trip.

So it wasn’t surprising when I started criticizing my friends during disagreements, or when I hit below the belt when my best friend invited another friend to Disneyland.

I admit, it felt good at first—powerful even. But soon after, I felt sad and guilty.

My turning point came during the fourth grade when my teacher gently pulled me aside one day after recess. “You know, sometimes we think our situation is worse than it is. But life is pretty great when you start noticing what’s going right.”

Though the lesson was indirect, Ms. Braun taught me the gift of gratitude. And gratitude is one reason I love positive psychology.

Positive psychology encourages us to question which thoughts and actions we can change to become happier.

This intentional focus inspires us to cultivate positive emotions, nurture relationships, and commit acts of kindness.

The following exercises can help improve your emotional well-being, and someone else’s, too.

Exercise #1: Three funny things

Write down three funny things you experienced in a given day, and why those things happened. For example, was this something you were directly involved in, something you observed, or something spontaneous?

When you can laugh at yourself and your circumstances, it means that you don’t take life too seriously. Best of all, laughing is contagious!

Exercise #2: Journaling

Journaling provides a snapshot of a moment in time. Not only does journaling create a healthy habit of self-reflection, it allows us to document positive changes to our thinking and our actions, and it helps us transition from a bad mood to a good one.

For example, if you earned a promotion at work this week, you would recount:

  • How it happened (through hard work and spending fifteen minutes double-checking my numbers)
  • Why it happened (I took the initiative to apply for the promotion.)
  • What I did right (I talked to senior executives in the company about the best ways to improve job performance.)
  • How I helped this happen (I gave up watching my favorite TV shows and read trade publications and stock reports instead.)

Next, record one activity that you didn’t like and how you can address it. For example:

I snapped at my roommate when she came home late on Thursday and woke me up.

Problem-solve the following:

  • How this is keeping me stuck (I couldn’t fall back asleep because I obsessed over how inconsiderate she is.)
  • What thoughts and actions I can take to get unstuck (I can be more flexible; after all, she’s a grown-up and doesn’t need a curfew. I can buy earplugs and wear them when she goes out during the week.)

Exercise #3: Write your future diary

Whether you’re trying to eat healthier, studying for an advanced degree, or starting your own business, the time between being an apprentice and reaching your goal can seem like an eternity. Envisioning your future can be a great motivating factor to get you over the slump.

Close your eyes and picture your future. Focus on how life will be different and what changes will be in place. Reflect on how you’ll feel and on how others will respond to the new, improved you.

Most importantly, think about how you’ll utilize the habits, skills, and talents you’re learning now to benefit others.

Exercise #4: Count kindness gestures

Keep a record of all the kind acts that you do in a particular day, and the acts of kindness you witness. These can be as simple as placing the morning newspaper at your neighbor’s doorstep, helping an elderly person cross the street, or smiling at strangers.

Exercise #5: Gratitude visit

Think of someone you should thank, someone who’s been helpful or kind to you (and not a family member, partner, or spouse).

Write a letter to this person, including details about how they’ve helped you and the lasting impact this has had on you.

Arrange to meet up with your friend and tell them you have something to read to them. After you finish reading the letter, present it as a gift.

A lovely gesture, though entirely optional, is to put the letter in a frame, or to laminate it.

Exercise #6: Cultivate a positive outlook

Despite the bad things that happen daily, it’s important to remember that the world is basically a safe place.

We all suffer pain and trauma. People who find the good in every situation possess the resilience to bounce back more quickly.

When you intentionally choose positivity, you look inward for resources and you trust your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Life still brings pain and heartache, but you know there’s a way out.

After dropping my son off for school last week, I found myself feeling sad and scared for no reason. What if something bad happens and I never see him again?

I knew these thoughts were futile, yet it was hard to shake the doom as I watched his disappearing frame recede amongst the sea of middle school students.

I then breathed deeply, closed my eyes, and reminded myself that my feelings are not facts, and I could get myself on the other side of anxiety with intentional action.

I looked around and savored the trees, the fresh air, the morning sunlight, and the giggly teens eagerly running toward the crossing guard at the edge of the street.

I focused on the simple beauty around me. And then it dawned on me: The difference between people who complain and those who do not is utter appreciation and gratitude for what you have, right here and right now.

About Linda Esposito

Linda Esposito, LCSW is a psychotherapist in Los Angeles, CA. Her views on mental health can be found online at the Huffington Post and Psychology Today. Her latest project, Wired For Happy helps intrepid mental wellness strivers achieve more positive emotions and healthier relationships. For information about Team Happy, click here.

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Bullyinglte

Great article, Linda. I found that journaling was helpful, but only for me when I chose not to journal about anything negative, but everyday, to journal about three positive things. This could be as simple as being grateful for waking up and breathing another day to a great accomplishment, like your examples above. I believe we can retrain our brain to think more positively to get out of a pessimistic jam.

Linda Esposito

Thank you for the kind words. And wonderful point about making journaling about intentional practice of focusing on the good things going on in life. While we need to acknowledge problems in order to begin the phase of resolution, recording the negative events can lead to rumination which can make us more unhappy and stuck.

Yes! We can retrain our brain.

Peace Within

Great advice! I am trying to cultivate more gratitude in my life. I just bought a book on the subject recently and I read a bit every night before I go to sleep. Makes me realize how many things I am grateful for. =)

Linda Esposito

Happy to hear! Funny how when we focus on cultivating gratitude we realize there’s much more positive than not. I imagine your dreams are better, as well 🙂

Talya Price

Great article, very helpful exercises, I already practice 2 of the 6 exercises. I will have to work on the other 4. Thank you for this.

Happy Hazel

Thank you for the great article! <3 Made me happy. 🙂

Linda Esposito

Glad to hear you’re two steps ahead of the Positive Psychology game Tayla 🙂

Linda Esposito

Haha! Love your profile name — made me 😀

Peace Within

Yes! Great way to end the night, positive thoughts =)

Uriah Guilford, MFT

Good stuff Linda! I just started using the Five Minute Journal this month and it has been amazing so far. I highly recommend it. 🙂

Linda Esposito

Thank you Uriah! Journaling is so beneficial and a great way to start or end the day on a positive note.

lv2terp

Wonderful message and insight/tips! Thank you for sharing your wisdom! 🙂 Beautiful!

Kelly

I use the 5 Minute Journal too, and have since 2 Jan 2015. It’s been one of my best actions this year. It really helps to focus your mornings and envision how you want your day to unfold – and more often than not, it does! 🙂

Kelly

In the Five Minute Journal, at night you list ‘3 amazing things that happened today’. There are some days it’s really hard – it was a bad day or you were tired or the day seemed like an exact copy of those before – but it teaches you to mine through your minutes and remember the small things: when someone struck up a conversation on the bus, the cherry blooms were in blossom, an old friend sent a text. 🙂

Christopher Bueker

7. Mind body (spirit) practice such as Yoga, Tai Chi or at least seated meditation and mindfulness.

Jeevan/Mirthu/Gupt

“You know, sometimes we think our situation is worse than it is. But
life is pretty great when you start noticing what’s going right.” Something tells me the lesson wasn’t indirect when Ms. Braun said that! ;-). Thank you for sharing your story & the good reminder that ‘ The difference between people who complain and those who do not is utter appreciation and gratitude for what you have, right here and right now.’

Guest

This is so true. When we shift our focus from negative thoughts to positive ones, life is great. And positive thoughts lead to positive actions and outcomes in life. For example, if I have someone who keeps harrassing me, I can choose to complain about it day and night OR do something about it – shrug it off and walk away with confidence knowing that I’m not interested in dealing with a toxic person who can’t grow up. I’ve learnt to look past the people who waste their time cyberbullying or whatever nonsense they do, and be grateful for my life – supportive family, friends, work, etc.

Linda Esposito

Wonderful words of wisdom, Jeevan! Complaining about someone’s behavior is the easy way out, which only ensures the same kinds of treatment from others and keeps us in complain mode. Gratitude is everything.

Jeevan/Mirthu/Gupt

Good for you; thank you for sharing your INSIGHTS! 🙂

Jeevan/Mirthu/Gupt

You are right…GRATITUDE is one of the KEY points in such situations! That said; I also think its not always that simple of a black & white approach for most of us with our upbringings, circumstances, etc. Still, like you both said…its better to look for the positive approaches rather than dwelling on the negatives!