“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm.” ~Swedish Proverb
Mantra, according to the dictionary:
Any sacred word or syllable used as an object of concentration and embodying some aspect of spiritual power.
Mantra, according to Sirena:
Things I say to myself to help me deal.
There are times we all go through that just straight up suck.
During these times, it can be hard to think about anything other than what’s going on. We can become so consumed in our own misery that we often overshadow any glimmer of hope.
And although these times can seem endless while we’re in them, it’s through these crappy times that we learn the most about ourselves and receive some of life’s greatest rewards.
I can only say this after going through some of my own crappy times. You know, experiencing little things like breaking up from an engagement, being unemployed, questioning my sexuality, severing several friendships, wiping through my entire savings, and accumulating way too much debt.
All within the same year.
Yikes.
Through my own experiences of hopelessness, confusion, and doubt, I’ve learned to establish a few simple, but very effective phrases to help me stay positive and to keep things in perspective.
So now, whenever things cross my path that may initially seem unbearable, or if I begin to doubt myself, I just remember and repeat some of the following mantras:
1. Keep your head up and your heart open.
I repeated this phrase to myself over and over again after my aforementioned breakup. At the time, the last thing I ever wanted to do was to open myself up again.
After being with the same person for over 6 years (6 years!), I quickly realized that this kind of thinking wouldn’t get me far.
I trusted myself that if I just kept my head up and my heart open, good things would come into my life. And I’m glad I listened to myself.
I use this phrase both literally and figuratively.
By actually keeping your head up, smiling at people as they walk by, and keeping aware of your surroundings, you may notice something or meet someone that you potentially could have missed had your head been down.
When to use: During a break up, when you feel let down by someone, or when you feel betrayed or mistrust.
2. Go slowly.
With everything. Eating. Talking. Taking a shower. Driving. Even having sex.
I noticed when I was super-stressed out about things, I had a tendency to run around like a lunatic, doing several things at once, often times having to re-track my steps because I was so distracted that I left several things out.
I found that my projects, errands, and even my conversations with people became very watered down because I was rushing just to finish.
Now, whenever I feel like I’m rushing to just get things done, I slow down my pace, take a deep breath, and take my time with whatever it is I am rushing to do.
When we slow down, we can taste all the flavors in our food and we digest our meals better. We are better communicators when we talk slower, and we become better listeners.
Accidents? They wouldn’t happen as much if we weren’t in such a rush to get somewhere.
It’s quality over quantity.
When to use: When you are in a rush on the highway, when you’re rushing out to get lunch, or walking around the office, when you feel pressure from deadlines, or while you’re annoyed sitting in traffic.
3. Be easy.
Or in other words, don’t sweat the small stuff.
I realized that most of the issues that were giving me anxiety were completely out of my control, and they were usually things that wouldn’t matter five years, five months or even five minutes from the time.
Like freaking out that I didn’t have something to wear to a party, or stressing that I’d mess up choreography while teaching a class.
I learned to not get so worked up over the small things, stressing about matters that, in the end, really didn’t make a difference.
So, if you find yourself getting road rage from the guy that cut you off on the highway, let him be. Why get angry and stress yourself out over it? Just be easy.
Did someone on the train bump you as they walked by? Who cares? The cab is packed; it wasn’t her fault. Be easy.
When to use: When it’s 1 AM and you’re wide awake in bed, thinking about the next day’s to do list, when you spill on your new white tank top, or when the copy machine at work jams. Be easy. There are far worse things in life.
4. Let Sirena be Sirena (swap out my name with yours).
Most of us wear masks. And most of us are afraid to be ourselves, simply out of fear of judgment.
We take jobs we don’t really care for, stay in relationships we don’t genuinely love, and pretend to be someone different for everybody else.
I was there—I stayed in a relationship far longer than I should have and I avoided confronting my sexuality because I was so afraid of being judged.
And I’m telling you, it’s a heck of a lot easier to just be you—whatever that means, whenever, wherever.
While you’re too busy making yourself appear to be someone else, you kill yourself from the inside out. And it can be a long, slow and painful death to your soul.
Bottom line? Accept yourself for who you are, and just be you.
This was the hardest lesson for me to accept, but the one that has given me the greatest clarity and direction in life.
When to use: Times when you are questioning yourself, when you feel outside pressure to do/be/say/act in a way that is not congruent with your true nature, or when you hold back from doing what you truly want to do because you’re afraid of being judged.
Since my “sabbatical” from life, which is what I’ve now jokingly nicknamed this year of despair I described earlier, I have made some dramatic and positive changes.
I have a job that I absolutely love, I am on track to pay off all of my debt by the end of this year, and I have accumulated a solid amount in my savings.
I’ve also re-kindled past friendships and made some awesome new relationships, while becoming grounded and confident in who I am.
These mantras helped me get to this point. Having them has been an effective trick to help me stay positive and on track.
What phrase does that for you?
Photo by The Glowing North Stars
About Sirena Bernal
Sirena is a pilates instructor and nutrition coach based out of Boston, MA. Her specialty is teaching women how to gain more confidence, increase energy, and lose weight without dieting and excessive exercising. She blogs regularly on her site, http://www.SirenaBernal.com.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Sirena
Thank you for sharing your experience with us
I liked the one about ‘keep your head up and your heart open’. it’s amazing how many opportunities we miss just because we were busy feeling miserable about our problems which most of the time are out of our control.
I heard someone say ‘when you fall, fall on your back with your head up, so that you get up easier’
the phrase that I use is ‘ no matter how long the night is, the sun has to rise. it’s nature’s rule!!”,
Be positive, be kind, be yourself and live your life
Thank you 🙂
I love this post! It’s such a good reminder to us all that we need to have our own set off mantras to help us with our day to day life. The one I find myself saying all the time is, “dont let them get your goat.”
Hey Sirena, being totally honest I’m often put off when I hear the word ‘Mantra’. Many times they seem to be just a collection of empty words but what you speak about here is gold! Rather than just a collection of empty words they’re principles for approaching life and I couldn’t agree more with every one of them. Thanks for taking the time to write 🙂
I love “go slowly.” I feel like so often I am running around like a crazy person – unnecessarily. I also find that when I slow down, I breathe! I make less mistakes and I enjoy more. Lovely post, thanks!
I love these, particularly #4. My mantra is currently “Live for a bigger purpose.” It’s so easy for little things to take up all of the space in life, if we don’t have something big to live for and focus on already taking up that space. Now, when I start to feel myself being frustrated or upset, I recreate for myself what my bigger purpose is in the context that I’m in (parenting, work, marriage, friendships, etc.) and take a look at how big whatever’s bothering me really is on the scale of what I’m “living for.” It really helps me to set aside the trivial and get focused back on what’s truly most important to me.
I love these, particularly #4. My mantra is currently “Live for a bigger purpose.” It’s so easy for little things to take up all of the space in life, if we don’t have something big to live for and focus on already taking up that space. Now, when I start to feel myself being frustrated or upset, I recreate for myself what my bigger purpose is in the context that I’m in (parenting, work, marriage, friendships, etc.) and take a look at how big whatever’s bothering me really is on the scale of what I’m “living for.” It really helps me to set aside the trivial and get focused back on what’s truly most important to me.
Him, thank you for giving me “cause to pause” and think. The following is something I gleaned from a book & reworded so I could remember it as needed;
‘it is, in essence;
Tis better to forgive & forget
than to lead a life of bitterness and regret
Oh man can I relate to a lot of this, especially the running around crazy anxiety bit. I do that a lot and the funny thing is that I’m aware it wastes time to rush through everything (mistakes and all) and it’s not fun. Sometimes it’s hard to pop out of that mindset. I’m very fortunate that my children and boyfriend help remind me from time to time to slow down.
just too good.. it was as if i was reading myself
An excellent and succinct method of keeping things in perspective and not letting life overwhelm you. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I’ve always been a fan of Shogyo Mujo – nothing is permanent, all things are in a state of flux.
Today’s problems will be tomorrows tales. They won’t stay around forever no matter how annoying they are.
Great post! I’m currently going through a pretty rough patch and will keep all of these things in mind.
Every one of these are excellent reminders for anyone and everyone. This time of our lives, the economy, the global climate, we are so busy with the world around us that we forget us. The world becomes so simple once we recognize the importance of taking care of ourselves in a calm, accepting manner. Thank you, I enjoyed and needed this post.
Sirena, I can so relate to this article/post. I have had so many losses beginning in 2007 including the suicide of my younger brother, severing a LTR and some friendships, leaving San Diego, CA and my son in San Diego (WTF was I thinking?..Was I thinking?), then moving to a city and state I hate, a lay off, losing my home of 19 yrs, and continuing on 3 yrs of unemployment now. I am sorry for your losses. You might enjoy buddhachick.org. Jan Lundy, the author and owner over there gives us a way to approach such hardships with a great message of self care, self compassion and self love.
Wow, thank you for sharing your story here! That is an incredible amount of heavy stuff to handle all in one year, and you are so strong for getting through it all and being in such a positive place now! I can relate to so much of this, and through my own crazy year of upheaval and crappiness, two things got me through… one was my amazing, awesome, gifted and incredible therapist and the other was Pema Chodron’s “When Things Fall Apart”.
In that year, I started using several mantras which I still use constantly. The first one is just the word “open”. In WTFA, Pema writes that after really hard/trying times, we can either harden or soften. Hardening is the more familiar choice, because it’s easy to just close ourselves off and avoid being hurt again. In the depths of my hardest times, I literally felt my heart open and I suddnely understood how connected we all are and how much, at any given time, so many of us are in deep pain and sadness. When I say the word OPEN to myself, it’s a reminder to soften and stay receptive.
Another mantra I use all the time is “things are neither good nor bad, they just are”. I read about that concept in “Feeling Good” by David D. Burns and it really changed my whole outlook. The only reason things are “good” or “bad” is because we label them that way. It really made me stop and think about how much power I had to stay positive when things happen that seem “bad”.
Words are incredibly powerful and mantras are such a good way to stay focused in times of chaos or stress. What a fantastic article–this was a great reminder for me. Thank you, Sirena!
very helpful and insightful comments.
thank you so much for this article. it couldn’t have come at a better time. a reminder that i WILL get through this rough phase of my life.
Such a great post, thank you. I liked all four, so simple and so true. Some little phases I use whenever I feel out of alignment are “breathe”, “everything is ok”, or “be present”.
Joshua, thank you so much for your comment.
I love your phrase, nothing is permanent. Life is constantly in a state of flux. Live a river. Why try to swim upstream when we can just go with the current.
Makes the journey so much easier 🙂
Thanks again friend.
Sirena
You most certainly will. I’ve learned that the harder, or more difficult a situation, the more important the lesson to be learned.
Keep your head up 🙂
Thank you for your comment!
Sirena
Hi Alannah,
Thank you so much for your comment. Heavy is good way to put it! Funny, I feel so much “lighter” now that I’ve faced my demons.
I am going to check out WTFA and “Feeling Good” this weekend, they sound like books right up my alley. During my “sabbatical” there were a couple books that also helped: The Four Agreements and The Power of Now.
I love the idea of openess. I love it! I’ll have to make it #5 on my list!
Thank you again for your comment and kind words, I really appreciate it! Hope to stay connected.
Sirena
Thanks for the new mantras to add to my tools. Right now I am stressing over finding a job in education 🙂 Good grief, I decided to do this NOW?? A phrase a friend reminded me of when I was focusing on a particular position was “This or Something Better” reminding me that there is more than my perception of what is right for me. I also remind myself to keep a “soft stomach.”
Hi friend,
Thank you for your comment and your feedback. I love the quote you mentioned about falling on your back, so true! I’m going to write that on my white board in my room as a reminder to myself.
Thank you again, and cheers!
Sirena
You are very welcome Gil!
Hi Lisa – Yes, when we slow down, we make less mistakes, and we enjoy more.
Thank you for your comment!
S
Be present. So true.
Thank you Kat 🙂
Thanks Jim!
Hi Kheisty,
Thank you for your comment, and I’m glad you liked the post. You are so right — often times we get so caught up in the day to day grind that we forget the one thing that truly matters, and that is…ourselves!
We put so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves, to just accept ourselves the way we are can be such a challenge. But once we do, it is so liberating!
Thank you again 🙂
Sirena
Thanks Amara! I hope they can help you as much as they’ve helped me. Keep your head up 🙂
Cheers,
Sirena
Thanks Cb. I think on all levels, we can all relate.
Cheers!
Sirena
Leading a life of bitterness and regret is a sure way to unhappiness.
Letting go of resentment and anger helps us move forward in life.
Thank you friend.
Sirena
Live for a bigger purpose…I LOVE IT!
So true. Even though we are 1 in over 6 billion on this planet, when we live for a bigger purpose, we become so much bigger than ourselves.
Thank you for your comment, Rebecca. Cheers 🙂
Sirena
Thank you so much for your comment. I was a bit nervous to use the word mantra, since I find most people have pre-conceived notions about the term.
However, I think a mantra can be any word, phrase, thought, object or idea that keeps things in perspective. And really, I think we all have little things we may have inside that do just that.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate the feedback.
Best,
Sirena
Don’t let them get your goat, too funny. I’m curious as to what that is in reference to?
Sirena
You are very welcome, Deena 🙂
preach, sister.
🙂
[…] TinyBuddha […]
I really like #4! This week i’ve been really depressed about my sexuality, I lost someone I really cared about :/ Although it stings I know its better to be myself than change for someone else. Thanks 😀
Be the person you would like to be
Sirena, a gentle but life affirming post, thank you. Our mantras are our inner voice speaking so saying and sensing them speaks volumes to our mind, body, and spirit. I have a permanent simple one which covers all areas of my world and has transformed it, ‘My stunning life has arrived’. There’s not a day that doesn’t feel that way any more. Bliss you!
The goat is a metaphor for your state of peacefulness.
Thank you for writing about these practical mantras. I’ve never really felt any connection with traditional Sanskrit-type mantras, so these are perfect! I especially like the “Go slow” one, because I also tend to rush through stuff when I am stressed, missing out on entire hours of my life because I’m only thinking about finishing whatever needs to be done.
Also, it’s great to read that you are in such a positive place now! Congrats on being there and enjoying it!
I learned that mantra translates from Sanskrit as two words from the two syllables… mind protection. We replace the constant rambling of the monkey mind with intentional phrases. It always helps me stay focused on the purpose for a mantra besides just a “feel good” practice. When my mind begins to think destructively, the mantra brings it back to safety.
My favorite one is ‘Live from your heart’
I have been using this one for long time. It helps me to get out my head and into my heart. It helps me to make better decisions for my life, relationships, friends, work, … Thanks for sharing!
Hi Marc,
Thank you for your comment, and Iove your mantra, live from the heart.
I think I’m going to compile a list of all the mantras here in the comment section, and post them on my blog.
Thanks again for your feedback, cheers my friend 🙂
Sirena
You’re absolutely right Darren — mantras are a way to bring us back to us. Which is precisely what’s kept me on a positive road the last few years.
Thank you for reading 🙂
Sirena
Thank you Sonja! I appreciate the kind words and the feedback. I am in a very positive space and it only gets better as the days pass.
We may not know it at the time, but our darkest periods give us are greatest gifts.
Keep shining friend 🙂
Sirena
Hi John,
Thank you so much for your comment and your feedback. I love your mantra as well, and its so true. I find that most of us “wait” for life to happen. We’re waiting for some one, some job, or some circumstance to occur for us to finally live.
Makes me think of a Mary Olive quote a friend of mine just posted on my FB wall – ‘What are you going to do with your one wild and precious life?’
I love your blog too, btw! Great stuff 🙂
Best,
Sirena
Absolutely!