Thank you! Correct! You don’t need closure! Closure doesn’t change anything. My wife felt she needed “closure” with her old boyfriend – and is quickly leading to our divorce. It is a stupid idea and makes no sense. Move on!

So…make a long story short as possible. I have been on and off again with this guy for about 14 months. I fell fast and hard as he was different than any man I had ever been with. VERY charming (but a liar like a sociopath). I have met his family, I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years with him and his family. I met his kids. Etc. He has told me that he loved me and cared about me many time. He told me that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with me. We talked about and looked for houses together. I THOUGHT he really loved me. I never caught him cheating but did have my suspicions. I did act a little crazy (popping up on him when he wouldn’t answer the phone etc). Because he made me feel so insecure in the relationship. We would “discuss it” (never really fight) and go on with the relationship. He would “ghost” me a lot. Go 12, 16, 24 hours or longer with no contact which he KNEW bothered me. I would forgive him and he would “be good” for awhile. So finally I broke it off, we didn’t see each other for about 10 weeks but still communicated. We ended up “getting back to together” I GUESS (no title this time) and then he did it again. Ghosted me for a whole weekend. I was PISSED!! I didn’t freak out but I said he needed to call me asap and he NEVER did. He just texted me like everything was normal (which was our normal routine). This time again I ignored it. Its been 7 days with no contact. I WANT and KNOW I need to move on but I feel like I need CLOSURE. A final goodbye, it’s over for good or SOMETHING. I am not even actually looking for an explanation because I feel like if he REALLY loved me he wouldn’t be able to just let me walk away. I believe he is damaged and doesn’t know how to love REALLY. BUT I still feel the need for the last goodbye. Although I love him and would LOVE to work it out (even though I shouldn’t) I KNOW I need to let go and move on. I am not even sure if the closure on my end would make me feel any better. He usually apologizes and we move on but nothing really changes. GOD help me this is so painful. I know I probably sound crazy but it helps to vent. Most of my friends just say F*&k him and move on. I wish it was that easy. ANY advice from anyone here in a similar situation? If I did do a LAST contact to say goodbye should it be a phone call (voicemail) or letter? PLEASE HELP!!

Anita,

Thank you for your response. Yes his behavior did make me crazy, anxious & sick. He doesn’t deserve me and as you said I have to move on for good. I am doing well with no contact and have deleted him from my phone. Hopefully he won’t decide to try to “re-appear” but I will ignore him if/when he does. When I do think about him I just pray. I have gotten a new job, joined a new church and Joined the gym. I am working on me and I know I will be fine in time. Thank you!

Butterfly

I have been reading the forum for a long time, which has helped me a lot, but this is my first post here. This topic has really touched myself as I am 3 days out of my first break up anniversary and still feeling so stuck. Im sorry about my English, which is not my mother language, but any reply would be very much appreciated.

Me and my ex were together for almost 8 years, since we both were 18 years old. We went through a lot together, and have really supported each other during some hard times.

To this day I still can’t explain the exactly why we are not together, but things were not working out anymore. I know that during that time splitting seemed to be the only way for us, but today I cant stop thinking about all those “if onlys”, as we have huge respect and affection for each other.

We took very different ways since then – while I have been trying to learn more about myself and really got into the Buddhist readings, she has been partying and drinking so much, what makes me think that she is really suffering. From the outside, it looks like shes having a great time, but deep inside I know how lost she feels from our few conversations.

She got in touch a few days ago asking to meet. We did meet and had a short conversation, she even told me that I am an amazing guy and that she loves me, but it seems to me that she only wanted to feel safe, to feel that I was still there waiting for her, while she doesn’t want to give up the freedom that she got from the break up, something she has said to me months ago.

Now I’m here, feeling how come I could not let it go yet, after 12 months, feeling absolutely exhausted from it, thinking about calling her to get closure, maybe asking her why she asked to meet me and told me that she loves me, only to suddenly disappear and let me alone with a new hope of something that I should already know that is not going to happen. Deep inside I know I have nothing else to listen from her – If she did want to be with me she would have done it already, but I keep telling myself that maybe this time she will come back if call, or that at leat THIS TIME I would get closure to finally be able to move on.

I’m having a very, very hard time, accepting these simples facts:

(1) she no longer wanted to be with me,

(2) she has since moved on, and

(3) the relationship is over.

Any words would be really appreciated. Thank You.