Sounds like opportunity to be alone could be very helpful right now.

Do not let the outside cause so much stress to the inside. This comes when we exert too much energy trying to control what we already know we cannot…The Outside

Who is the most important person you know? They are the easiest person in the world to talk to and knows the answer to everything

Might I suggest a very very tiny small exercise

With no concern to how to breathe…just pay serious attention to at least a three count of counting your breaths
In….out…one
In…out …two
In…out…three

You can say
In
Out

Or
As I inhale I relax my body
As I exhale I smile

Be gentle with self

Google … Pema Chodron on Maitri

Caroline,

First of all I am sorry to hear of the losses and setbacks you have experienced this year. I cannot even begin to imagine how devastating losing your mom, boyfriend and job must be. You can replace your boyfriend and your job but your mom you cannot replace so this must be extremely hard for you. I suggest to give yourself all the time in the world to grieve. Be kind and loving to yourself. Allow the sadness to come and engulf you because otherwise you will not be ready to embrace your new chapter in life. Know that pain and sadness is a major part of and a catalyst for growth. Although this year has been difficult for you, I feel that maybe your losses will bring you closer to you. Without your identity as a worker, girlfriend and tragically a daughter (even though you will always be your mother’s daughter), you will be able to get in touch with who you are. I feel that through your pain and unexpected/new found independence you will find a reservoir of strength that you never knew existed. This is a time to close out the old and the let the tears wash all the hurt away to embrace the new. A time of rebuilding and renewal. Through your loss you are sure to gain. The fearful part is not knowing where or how. So you are called to trust, trust in the universe and in yourself. Thank you for your courage to reach out and although you may feel lonely and unsupported, know that you are surrounded by love. Good luck on your journey.

Here are a few quotes for you:

“It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

“Grief does not change you. It reveals you.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

“Anything you lose comes round in another form.” ― Rumi

Love,

Zenhen

Letting go I think IS the hardest part…I am still struggling with it myself. I lived with my ex too…we had a house and a “family”….My advice may not be the best but the letting go of expectations in our circumstances is the hardest. You probably are hoping or wanting things to go a different way? I too felt and still feel an enormous love for my ex that I have never experienced or felt before in my life and I have had a lot of relationships good and bad…I wanted to marry her!!! Sometimes it can be hard to decipher if our emotions (feel a crazy love) for someone else can overshadow the reality (it’s not been an easy relationship from the beginning)? Life is hard and it can be even harder trying to analyze or figure out what it is we are to do or learn from the experience. The email he sent may mean that when you love someone…regardless of what extent, deepness or intensity…you have to let other person go and “walk” away if you know it’s not working (even if you want it to so much) as to not cause the other person or yourself more harm or hurt. It means he cares & respects you enough to not want to hurt you anymore? I could be wrong? Believe me that I may share some of your conflicted emotions…I did not end my current/last relationship and am still probably clinging to a thread of some unrealistic hope that I will wake up and it will all just have been some kind of crappy dream…yet I wake up every day and realize it’s not. Then I realize that maybe the universe is trying to tell me something or push me in a direction I was fighting against?

As for Karma? Karma is a mystery to me If you feel like it may be than Karma is the knock on the door to let you know what you need to change or learn about yourself. You are going through a lot of life events don’t push yourself through it too fast you will just end up in the same place as you are now. You are rebuilding!!! Personally I think that your may be conflicted because you feel like you have NO control over the events that have taken place in this “worst” year? I could be wrong. I felt the same recently…and after hours and days of struggle to fix it or change things you get exhausted and start to lean on the idea of letting do…You can not change anyone other than yourself that includes how you react, feel, think about the events that rattle through our lives.

Your at the beginning and at the end of somethings in your life…Maybe the beginning of a new chapter and possibly at the end of some others. It is a very tender place to be so though it may hurt take a moment to reflect on how you feel accept that you have to be where you are for that is always where we are!!! That could be good times or bad times…it can be scary. “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” …for now I will end with what someone told me recently….”your mother would want you to have and find all the happiness this world has to offer you.” take a moment and meditate on that last sentence. Not all is yet lost. Live your life for you are alive!!! Even if you feel like you can’t let go…you can’t grab onto something new if you clinging onto something else at the same time. It takes time (not even sure maybe years?)
Give it time! It will be 2 years in the fall that my mom passed, Just over 2 months since I had to also move all my stuff out of the house….I can not say that things are better just different than what I wanted or expected. I guess life is like that? Try to remain focused if you can it can be hard…I think it’s in our nature to NOT want to let go of something we want or love we cling ferociously at times to it….but it’s is in NATURE that we see that things we want and love do leave our lives regardless of what we do or do not do.

Try and practice “letting go” a little at a time…it works! Maybe not the big things at first but the little things….Letting go is not giving up!!!…it’s simply the idea of letting go of expectations…the sole reason we become so hurt and angry. This is because we cling to the belief that events should go or play out a certain way…the way we want them to! I wish you goo energy going forward…as you have to! Remember you are not alone! We are all thinking feeling people who are alive. Just remember this is the first day of the rest of your life and live it! We never know when the last day will be. I hope some of this helps? Good luck.

~M