Thank-you Veronica for your post. I really like the way you described the issue – “It just doesn’t pay to be spontaneous when your conscience haunts you so.” It does very much feel like you’re being haunted by a ghost or a demon of some sorts.

Just to give you an update, I didn’t listen to that judging and critical voice in my head and didn’t follow-up with anyone to try to get validation. In my mind, I kept postponing the need to validate. Luckily, I gave myself such a large of amount of time and space to process and resist that temptation to seek out validation that by the time I saw this person again, I didn’t feel the need to validate. And of course, the person didn’t bring anything up issue or show any kind of resentment towards me because there was nothing for them to be resentful for. It was just my mind playing it’s old games.

I recognize that judge or inner critic is not my own voice but that of my parents and other overly critical people that I’ve been exposed to over the years. But these voices are really not helpful and need to put in their place fast because I realize that they’re holding me back from living the kind of spontaneous and joyful life I want to live.

Self-awareness is the first step, but I’d love to know how many more steps there are until I’m completely free. At least we can find some peace in knowing that we’re on the right path. 🙂