Dear Ashley:

You wrote that you want not having her in your life “more than air”, but you need your job even more than you need air, correct?

Your examples of her statements are clearly aggressive, clearly rude, no way to misunderstand them. Your story reads believable to me, that an employee gets paid more and is promoted because of a degree they have, even though their performance is lesser. The she said-she said aspect when confronting her in front of your boss, and your boss’s lack of help to you.

If you need your job more than you need her out of your life, you will need to find a way to be okay with her being there. Not blissfully okay, of course, not approving of who she is, but okay enough, so that your mental health improves. As you think about her and have the images of how she looks at you and hear in your mind what she has said to you, see if you can take deep breaths, and accept her in the context of your job as she is. Try it and let me know…?

anita

Hey there Ashley,

I’m sorry you are going through what you are currently going through right now. I’ve had a toxic friend or two that were just like this and I broke all ties with them. It sounds like that is not possible in your current situation. However, this sounds like a workplace bully. My husband had to deal with the same thing: He was better at his job than this person and he had asked for help from his boss about this bully but he wasn’t heard and he took the fall for a lot of these person’s short comings. He ended up leaving not long after and got a better job. All I can say is the following for advice for you:

(1) Have you talked to her about what she is doing face to face? If not at work, than outside of work? I know this can be hard because you don’t wanna have to confront someone on being a bully but they are making you uncomfortable and stressed. They are messing with your livelihood. Instead of her coming into your comfort zone, your “house” if you will, dont be afraid to do the same. If you confront her about her behavior, something may be able to come out of it. She may have some twisted reason as to why she’s doing what she is doing

(2) If this doesn’t work, I would start gathering as much evidence as possible about how she’s treating you. I know it sounds very Nancy Drew but it she’s going to pull a Trump on you, that all you can really do. Do you guys every have email exchanges at work? Does she message you or text you these things? All that is proof right there. I would record her as well is she is saying things like that. Again, sounds like an extreme but she is also being extreme. Take this to HR and/or your boss.

(3) Definitely go to HR is general. If your boss isn’t listening to you, then you have go to someone who’s job it is to help. Maybe, if they have different departments, they can move you to another one where isn’t.

Listen, I am mad for you. I don’t like to hear about people making someone’s work life hell, especially for no clear reason or motive. It could be that she’s jealous of you and the fact that you got that job first. Her goal IS to make you go crazy. She is trying to force you out and make you miserable. Don’t let her ruin your happiness or your joy girl.

Good luck.