Dear David:

“I feel like I have spent all my time working for people who don’t care about me at all”- regarding the recent job, reads to me that you didn’t have contact with the owner, only with the direct supervisors, and the direct supervisors had no power to keep you employed, that it was the owner’s way or the highway for them as well, as it was for you. Am I correct?

“in most places I have worked all I see is rich people who treat others like dirt get richer and happier”- did you really observe them happy and happier? If so what indicates to you that they are happy and happier?

“while people like me who try and be good and kind to others get the shaft… why do I bother trying to be a good person? It has never paid off for me, I have never gotten anything out of it”-

I figure if you repeatedly gave a lot to your employers and weren’t rewarded for it, better you stop overdoing for employers, and choose best you can an employer with acceptable practices, such as paid and unpaid vacation policies, sick days, retirement contributions and so forth. This would be my practical approach, having to do with good vs bad business practices in place and nothing to do with good vs bad people.

As far as being a good person taking care of your disabled girlfriend, I hope it is not the case here as well that “it has never paid off” for you. “I love my sister and my girlfriend and want to help them both but does that mean I just have to give up every hour of my time working to support them all?”

My answer: no, it does not mean that. Connecting self sacrifice to the concept of being a good person, the two are not congruent. Self sacrifice, such giving up “every hour of my time working to support them all” is more of a religious concept, religion which you don’t find comfort in, than it is a natural concept. In nature relationships are Win-Win, not Lose-Win. There is always a personal interest in an animal doing for another, for the herd or the social group.

There is a lot in your post. If you would like you can reply to what I wrote so far and we can continue to communicate.

anita

Dear David:

This if what you wrote that I agree with as being true to reality: “I see so many people who are mean, abusive and cruel to people around them… they have things I don’t have.. like a secure income.. the things.. home, time off.. resources to do things that at least seem to bring them pleasure…the world is very unjust.. many people who are using others not seem to face any consequences for those actions”.

In the movie Unforgiven, the young man told the character played by Clint Eastwood, after killing a man for cutting the face of a woman, “I guess he had it coming”. Clint Eastwood replied: “Kid, we all got it coming” (quotes may not be exact). What Eastwood’s character was saying is that all humans die, the good and the bad. I add to it that every human, however rich, however powerful, knows that he (or she) will die. And he knows that there is nothing he can do about it. How does it feel, I wonder, to go to bed in a mansion, knowing he has billions of dollars, and yet he cannot guarantee that he will live the next day, that he will not get sick the next day or get injured. How do you think it feels?

That “safe home” you suggested rich people can afford, it is never safe, however expensive. Yet we would  like to live in one, I understand that.

Most people don’t get away with everything, a man can get away with mistreating an employee, like it happened repeatedly in your case, but his personal relationships are likely to suffer because of his cruelty, his mental health is likely to suffer. (I don’t know about those with no conscience whatsoever. I don’t know if they are able to experience well being. I don’t think I communicated with one, so I never got to know such a person).

Here is a very important sentence that you wrote, very revealing to me: “I often get into relationships (personal and professional) where I am lead to believe that I am in a Win-Win only to find out I am being mislead“-

it is not a good thing to be lead, not unless you know with certainty that the person you are following is qualified to lead you, and so, you allow that person to lead you only in the area he or she is qualified to lead you. Not otherwise.

You wrote about a society that used to be, where good behavior was rewarded and bad behavior punished and so, people were encouraged to do good. Thing is I suppose there were pockets of such society here and there, but society as a whole was never like that. Cruelty was rampant all through history. Justice, compassion, kindness was never the rule, but the exception, as I understand it.

You bring up heavy duty topics in your thread. I didn’t address everything that you wrote, didn’t address the last few lines of your recent post. But I would like to when I am back to the computer in about 15 hours. Feel free to respond further and I will read and reply to you tomorrow.

anita

Dear David:

Regarding the most practical issue you brought up in your original post and which you repeated in your most recent, reads to me that you need sound financial advice and management short term and long term.

Your partner is disabled, she may be on SSI or the like, some financial government assistance. If she is not, she may qualify. Moving to a lower rent location is an option. Applying to work in the government sector where there is job security and dependable procedures is an option perhaps.

I would say stop and evaluate your financial choices so far, the money coming in part and the money going out part and improve both parts by making better choices every day.

Is that… the “Wisdom Needed”?

anita