Hi RoseRose,

When you were with this guy you knew he was evading taxes. Failure to pay taxes can lead to criminal charges. While you were with him you saw him as “a person with high morals”. Why did you not see him as a criminal?

When planning your next move, don’t confuse justice with revenge. My two cents.

B

Dear RoseRose:

You are very welcome. I am fine, thank you for asking.

In your recent post you shared that fighting for financial compensation from him (following him breaking a verbal contract with you), is not practical for you (“so time-consuming and with no guarantee”).

When you confronted him with the financial trouble he caused you, he told you that he doesn’t owe you anything because you were not married. I say again: he owed you to respect a contract he made with you, and if he changes his mind, he owes you to compensate you for his choice to withdraw from the contract. He could have broken up with you and give you the money you deserved.

He also told you: “feelings and plans simply change”, and that you “need to understand that”.  He doesn’t understand that there are consequences to changing some plans after investment in those plans have been made…? Let’s day he hires mechanic to fix his car, and the mechanic tells him it will take three days to fix the car.  After the second day he arrives at the mechanic’s place and says: my plans changed, I don’t need my car to be fixed, I am  going to buy a new car. The mechanic then says: well, I need to be paid for two days of work! And the guy says: “feelings and plans simply change and you need to understand that”!

In the example above, what he should do is pay the mechanic for two days of work (not for a third day of work), and buy himself a new car. In your real life story, what he should have done, once he changed his mind about the relationship with you, is give you the rent money he promised you for six months or however long it will reasonably take you for you to find a new, less expensive place to live.

You shared that you are a vegan, working with disabled, selfless, that your life “has been nothing but pain”, and this man added more pain to your life, that he pretended to be in love with you just so to not be alone, that he “also confirmed that he was actually never truly in love with me as he would ‘prefer someone with a different face'”, and that “he is not a person completely lacking morals (quite the opposite.. that is the toughest part).. but the level of  disgust he actually has for me caused that it has not really occurred to him what kind of both emotional and financial problems he caused”.

My input today:

1. Regarding him being “a person with high morals”-maybe in a few contexts. Even convicted murderers in prison have some high morals, for example: many feel very morally superiors to child molesters and therefore physical attacks on the latter in prison are common. So, are the convicted murderers who attack child molesters in prison- people “with high morals”..? I would say that in the singular, isolated context they have good morals, but overall, no, they are not people with good or high morals.

2. A person with good or high morals in the context of interpersonal relationships will not betray a person just because he feels disgusted by that person. Morals are about solid principles of conduct, not about changing emotions. You described two areas of this man’s low morals: in the context of interpersonal/ romantic relationship and in the context of cheating on his taxes, especially taking into consideration that he can afford paying his taxes, being wealth.

3. You mentioned reporting him to the IRS. A quick and easily available online search led me to the following (likely, you already know the following): “If you believe that someone is violating federal tax laws, the best way to report to the IRS is by filling out a 3949-A form. Fill out and print the form and mail it to the Internal Revenue Service Center, Stop 31313, Fresno, CA 93888“.

wikihow. com/ Report a Person Who Doesn’t Pay Payroll Taxes: says that you can download the form 3949-A at the IRS website at www. irs. gov. Going to the website, click “Forms and Publications” to the left, then click “Forms and Instruction Number (PDF)” in the middle of the page, then type the form number into the blank space next to “Product Number”, and click “Find”. It says that another method is to fill in that form online, and that you “can identify yourself on the form or remain anonymous”.

anita

You are welcome, RoseRose. Post again anytime and have a lovely weekend yourself!

anita

Dear RoseRose:

The title of your thread is: “Will you help me serve justice?” and your most recent comment about justice is: “Justice, yeah”-

In Wikipedia’s entry on “Retributive justice”, it reads that when an offender breaks the law, justice requires that they suffer in return, proportionally to the offense. It reads that unlike revenge, retribution/ retributive justice is directed only at the wrongdoing, has inherent limits, involves no pleasure at the suffering of others, and employs procedural standards.

The injustice that this man committed against you is that he broke a verbal contract he made with you, to pay rent for the house you rented. (The injustice you informed the authorities about is him not paying taxes to the state, a different wrongdoing). Retributive justice, in your case, would have been achieved if you successfully sued him in a civil court for breaching a verbal contract, and he would pay you the amount of money you lost because of him breaching the contract with you. This would have satisfied retributive justice, being directed at the specific wrongdoing he committed against you, having inherent limits (a specific amount of money to be paid to you, and having involved procedural standards of law.

If this wouldn’t have satisfied you, and you want him to suffer because it will bring you pleasure to see him suffer, that’s a matter of revenge, not retributive justice. Revenge is motivated by deep anger and a yearning to see a transgressor suffer.

Are you wishing for retributive justice or revenge?

anita