Will you always find love when confident and happy?

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This topic has 16 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 11 months ago by memm.

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December 30, 2013 at 2:38 am #47925

M@ry
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I am just wondering… what if you are creating the perfect life for yourself, you’re happy, busy, confident, full of self-esteem, full of self-confidence, lots of friends, great social life, great career, lots of travel, fun, etc. will that guarantee that you will find love? Because we keep reading everywhere that we have to work on self-improvement, and that love will then find us… but what if this doesn’t happen? I guess it won’t really matter, cause you will be happy anyway, but it’s a bit scary to have no guarantees that you will ever find love… I am 32 and I would like to know that I will find true love.

December 30, 2013 at 3:19 am #47930

Daisy
Participant

Hi M@ry,

I believe in this philosophy as the idea that you are more attractive to potential partners if you have all of the rest of this going on in your life. Nothing in life is guaranteed but this is the best option. By all means, if you’re worried you won’t meet someone to share your life with in the places you’re at now, widen your parameters. But devoting your life to seeking someone out will, in my opinion, make you unhappier and undeserving of the love you find.

i.e. be yourself and enjoy your life and you will get the love you deserve. Don’t worry. Take each day for what your path offers you and one day you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

Good luck!

Daisy.

December 30, 2013 at 4:59 am #47938

memm
Participant

I don’t think you’ll find anything if you don’t actually take control and go out and look. Even if you think of it as just a numbers game, if you want to find that one in a thousand you might have to go through 999 first.

It probably gets a lot easier as you develop a good eye for people though.

Also I’d like to believe that attractiveness is about more than just what’s happening in your life, if all you want is someone with money who travels a lot then you might not be looking for the right things.

I mean I wouldn’t want a girl that only decides to be with me after I reach some kind of “level”, sorry but it seems overly shallow. Would you really want to be with somebody that says “I like you but you’re just not well traveled enough / got enough money / wrong eye colour, let me know when you change those things and then we can be together for sure!” Yeaaaah… no thanks. =]

December 30, 2013 at 5:41 am #47940

Helen
Participant

Have you heard of Matthew Hussey? You can find him on YouTube and googling will lead to his website, blog, and other info. He has some really good insights for relationships and finding the one. Even for people in relationships, his insights can be applied to and are helpful for other areas of life.

It looks like you are in a good place to really start looking for the one. If you just wait, you chances of finding love are slim. There are never any guarantees, for anything in life, but you have better chances of sucess if you take action 🙂 Matthew has good suggestions on what kind of action and it will make more sense when you listen to his videos. It is nothing agressive or overly involving and you will be pleasantly surprised at how easy it becomes when you apply his teachings.

December 30, 2013 at 8:03 am #47948

Helen
Participant

Here is something else you may enjoy: http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_dating.html

December 30, 2013 at 10:55 am #47964

babylaughter
Participant

Try not to be too self-absorbed and always doing self-improvement. To be open to new people in your life, you have to make time for them too! Some people have goals in their life those goals often include getting married. They seek for what they do not have. There’s nothing wrong with being a goal-oriented person. However, I agree with you: if you’re happy, why does it matter if you are married or single? Now, there also those who date but who also enjoy the process of it. Whatever you decide: to not be actively seeking a mate but to just be happy, to actively seek external circumstances you do not yet have… or to date but to enjoy the process rather than be overly focused on the results… perhaps coming up with a unique way to enjoy it such as the lady in the TED talk posted above did: She enjoyed graphs and data and collected data on men to increase her chances of finding Mr. Right….Whatever you decide, I wish you joyfulness! 🙂

January 4, 2014 at 9:44 pm #48397

M@ry
Participant

I really want to go out there, take action and meet people, and Amy Webb’s TED talk was very interesting, it made me want to do online dating… BUT I happen to live in a small town, with about 12 men in my age group on dating websites… what do I do? Pretend I’m living in a bigger town 400 kilometers away? Should I travel that far for dates? Or seek people in real life, even though there’s only 4000 people in this town? I ended up here because of a job that I took after a breakup… and I want to be happy, but I also want to find love.

January 4, 2014 at 10:44 pm #48399

memm
Participant

What is “only 4000” really? Even if you meet a handful of people per week, it would still take you a decade to meet all of those 4000 people. 😉

January 4, 2014 at 11:43 pm #48401

M@ry
Participant

Yeah, but we meet loads of people each day…. especially in a new town.. Let’s say 10 a day… after just over a year you’ve met all 4000! And half of those are women.

January 5, 2014 at 2:06 am #48402

memm
Participant

But you don’t really get to know them! I guess it comes down to what you think are the chances of finding a nice guy, 1 in a 10? 100? 1000? 1,000,000? 1,000,000,000?

Do you want a human or are you shopping for the perfect man-object. =P

Let’s just say you go online and start running calculations, maybe after a while you’ll find exactly what you want, it’ll be the perfectly calculated man. Nothing less and…. nothing more.

🙂

January 5, 2014 at 10:37 am #48417

B.Bells
Participant

I think stressing too hard about love is definitely not the way to go . Love is illusive and should just simply be magical (but that is just me). I agree with you Mary , that we should strive to build the perfect lives for ourselves….And like you I think love will find us then ….But who really knows? I’m definitely living on that assumption . However when and if we have the lives we want we may just be content – – – who knows . I like what someone said in a post earlier that some people are just happy to date , we don’t all have to ball and chain ourselves to someone . So many married people I know are not happy (I wasn’t) , so I definitely don’t think total devotion to someone (as in marriage) is the holy grail to life!
I think the point to what you are saying – – – to build and create the lives we want is simply to enjoy the Whole Journey !!!! Be open to magic . Love is magic in my eyes . Maybe I will die alone lol but I will not settle for less 😉

P.S. ~ When we are in better positions in our lives and we are travelling there will simply just be more decent men around us ,,,and now that is my common sense speaking ! lol 🙂
Good Luck to us all !!!

January 6, 2014 at 2:10 am #48470

M@ry
Participant

Somehow it makes me feel better that we are not alone… being in a couple doesn’t mean happiness…. I certainly wasn’t happy in my last relationship, so maybe it’s good to be happy on your own… the divorce statistics don’t lie, many people have trouble sustaining a long-term relationship, and it’s just the eb and flow of relationships, that everyone deals with…

Then I think of tiny towns where somehow lots of people manage to find each other and find true love… this must mean that there is more than one perfect match out there… and that a lot of matches are close to home… it must mean that love is all around… makes me feel a bit better…

January 6, 2014 at 3:40 am #48472

memm
Participant

Last couple of days I really wanted somebody special to talk to and it’s really hard knowing I don’t have anybody that I’m close to in that way. But it’s either believe I’ll find somebody one of these days or break down.

Putting on a fake smile and going with option (A).

January 6, 2014 at 5:08 am #48478

Daisy
Participant

Memm, do you have any friends you can connect with?
Having gone through a break-up and rebound recently, it’s made me appreciate my family and friends more. Sometimes talking them feels more special than talking to my ex did.

January 6, 2014 at 5:31 am #48481

memm
Participant

That makes sense coming from a breakup but I want, need, something more than friendship at this point. I guess it’s just something I want to experience so that I know it’s possible. You know that feeling you got when you first rode a bicycle, like you realised you could do something you haven’t done before and even now if you haven’t ridden for years, you know you can do it again. Even after a breakup you probably know deep inside you can do it again, cause it wasn’t all bad.

Well, I just want that first ride to happen, to know what it’s like, to know I’m not somehow limited or strange. One success, even just one, and you know rejection isn’t all there is.
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