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Will he ever come back?

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  • March 7, 2016 at 11:44 am #98326
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amalia:

    My understanding of your post is that Brian was in love with a fantasy girl called Amalia. Not the real person, you. He was in love with an Amalia he created in his own brain, an Amalia slightly connected to the real Amalia.

    He acted with you in accordance with his fantasy, the chocolate, wiping your forehead, holding your hand with a trembling hand. Only he was doing these things to Fantasy-Amalia. I think you felt weird because you felt that it was not YOU that he was in love with.

    In his fantasy Amalia was a virgin. In his fantasy Amalia was in love with him too. In his fantasy you were going to get married and he introduced you immediately to his parents via a photo. In his fantasy you didn’t feel weird about your actual meeting because he already met you in person- in his imagination- many times before and he already gave you the chocolate and wiped your forehead and held your hand… and you were fine with it all, in his fantasy. In his fantasy, you responded well to these gestures.

    When you introduced him to reality, to the real Amalia who is not a virgin and who was not there in real life before and did not spend any real time with him before, in person- then you broke his fantasy. Like something made of glass it fell to the floor and shattered.

    You wrote that now you are in love with him. I think you are in love with the idea that someone loves you as much as he loved you…. only it wasn’t you that he loved. It was a fantasy. Only a fantasy in his mind.

    What do you think?

    anita

    March 8, 2016 at 2:20 am #98361
    Matty
    Participant

    Hi Amalia,

    Personally, i think Brian thought you were both on the same page. After texting so much, he clearly thought he knew who you were. Much like Anita said above, he had developed a picture of who you are separate from who you truly are. As for the virgin part, i’m not quite sure of what to make about that. I just assume if a person has been in a relationship for sometime that they would of been intimate. So, maybe he felt that you were ‘pure’ in his mind. For some reason being ‘pure’ is something that some guys like. I don’t get it, and i’m a guy.

    I don’t think you have to apologize for speaking your mind, if anything that should be congratulated. Saying it was too fast, is your opinion and if anything maybe he could of turned it down a notch. But he might be hurt because he thought you would be as invested as he was. He made a mistake, that’s all. He popped the ‘love’ question way early, neither of you would truly have any understanding of each other. I was under the belief that you get to know someone through shared experiences, not simply talking to each other.

    Are you really in love with him? The way i have read your post, it sounds like you only started loving him after some consideration after only meeting each other once. You may of talked yourself into feeling things for him, you don’t actually feel.

    If he is not replying, well, he clearly must be feeling hurt. But don’t keep apologizing, you didn’t do anything wrong. Actually neither of you did, i think ultimately, both of you made assumptions before you meet, created boundaries and limits to what you would talk about, feel and understand about each other. They were not mutual, you both had different limits. I would give it some time before you try to talk to him again. Let him work through this, and this will give you some time for clarity on your side.

    Sincerely,
    Matty

    March 9, 2016 at 8:18 am #98436
    Amalia
    Participant

    @anita

    Hi dear,

    First of all, thank you so much for taking out your precious to help me out. It means loads. Yes ive started to fall for him. Since the day we met I was not able to eat, drink nor sleep at night. Next day I met him, I was not hungry I kept looking at him we talked. I don’t know how to explain it. Its something ive not experienced before. Even the mild touch which shook me from inside. He did all dear. It was so intense I felt weird because it was too good to be real. Even when I reached home and said all these things to him, he was like saying that I was smiling and laughing. Yess I was. It cant be I was a fantasy if so then he would not say he was not able to control himself when he saw me. Neither would he hold my hand till the last moment. Nor would he told me to put my head on his shoulder if I’m tired. He was all into it. A lover A Romeo. But he is not telling me the truth. I’m missing him. He really made me love him despite I didn’t want to enter in any relationship. I had a nightmare in past relationship. This is why I dint gave him importance when he was messaging me. I thought he was a flirt. He told e if a guy flirts with me that doesn’t mean he wont fall for me. Would I give that guy a chance? I said no earlier. Now I don’t know what happened to him.

    March 9, 2016 at 8:29 am #98438
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amalia:

    I think that you want to be loved, to be treated with loving attention. You like that, and who doesn’t want to be treated like a very special person, with a loving attention?

    I still think that you are in love with the idea of Loving and Being Loved and so was he. But as I understand it, he is no longer interested in a relationship with you. I still think that he “woke up” from his fantasy as you plunged into it.

    I believe it was… too good to be true: neither one of you knows the other.

    anita

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