There have been number of occasions where i have been triggered by people telling me that they are stupid or do something stupid. I also have a friend that sometimes pretends to be stupid around me for some reason. Saying she has forgot things which i know she has not, or asking me obvious things which i know she knows or asking where something is which makes her look stupid which i know she is not.

Actually it makes alot of sense that people get anxious because they think the other person is thinking they are stupid. Today when i met the girl which looked at the map actually was late and i had found her bankcard which she had lost so maybe she felt stupid because of that and wanted to downplay herself in someway because she thought i was thinking the same. Still, these situations completely catch me off guard and it feels like a reverse gaslight where they think they know me in advance so they cast the false reality before i do it in their minds or they want to “test” me if it is true so they take the stupidness into discussion to see how i will react to that. Actually now when writing alot of light-bulbs are going off because i used to be friends with someone that i feel was very afraid of what i was thinking of him and he wanted to test me by doing jokes or taking up subjects which was about him to see how i would react and when you notice it, it is easy to want to prove otherwise which usually ends up feeding their belief and proof that it is the other way around because now the person is trying to defend himself. This is the same feeling i get in the downplaying situations, a strong danger because there is a part of me which is afraid to move because it might end up with me proving the other person that i actually think they are stupid, retarded, selfish, addicted or any other downplaying element. So i freeze and my automatic fight or flight wall goes up because it senses conflict and hurt by being in that situation. I think this also stretches back to my childhood where i felt like whatever i did i got doomed and lost or got hurt. Something to do with the way i had to act to not get hurt. This downplaying has been jumping a bit on me lately, something is calling me to understand and integrate. This girl at the coffeshop did some mathematical error while counting and said to me “How stupid of me, i am so bad at counting” wink wink. Same situation, i feel like there is no natural respons coming into my mind yet and i have to choose to either be quiet or say something really fake to validate that it is ok to be bad at math which might make them feel bad or i will peobobly say it in a way which makes them disbelieve me and feel offended because i just told them nonverbally “You such mentally, you are bad at math, get your shit together” which i never intended and never wanted to get into.

Thanks for replying again Antia, sometimes feels like you are the only one reading on the website.

I appreciate someone answering regardless whoever answers, did not intend to try and get someone else to answer. I am just thankful in general that you answer so many different threads and have almost answered to all my questions in all different years which is very kind.

I dont always think people have bad intentions, but sometimes i do think people are conciously doing harm for personal needs because they dont know any other way to deal with situations. Unconciously feeding off other peoples reactions, falling into old stoneage egopatterns. Many times i feel people dont have a clue what they are doing but most of the time i think people do know but just dont know how to do anything else or dont care too much how it affects anyone else as long as they “feel” good in their constructs and beliefs.

Regarding the gaslight, gaslighting can be unconciously done so as said many times i think people dont have a single clue what they are doing.