Hello,

This is my first post. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. My sister does the same thing to me quite often, the smallest arguments (often not more than discussions or even just general conversation) lead her to tell me she never wants to see me again, along with a variety of screaming insults . She’ll block me from facebook, not reply to messages, and finally when she does she acts like everything is fine. I have to beg her to forgive me, even though I’m not sure what I did wrong in the first place. Then it’ll happen a few months later.

I’ve found it’s left me acting differently around her, like I have to tiptoe around her and our time together is becoming less and less. When we are together I have to keep everything very light, as though she and I were casual acquaintances instead of sisters. It’s not what I want, but it’s the only way I can think to manage the relationship at this point in time. If I try to talk about what happened she tells me I’m living in the past and it gets her angry again.

Only thing I can say is try to remember that the way others act has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Hard to remember and put into practice, I know! From my own life experience, I can say that sometimes my past anger was directed at the wrong person because it was easier than confronting the real issue/s. Or perhaps I didn’t even realize what the real issue was at the time. Small things became overblown because of the state of mind I was in. My best guess is that something in another part of his life is causing pain and then he’s entering the petty fight already worked up, which can escalate things.

Rage can feel good and I’m guessing it feels good for your ex. it’s a release as well as an adrenaline rush but it doesn’t last long, which is why it happens again and again. Maybe it feels good for him to have you beg for his attention, makes him feel wanted (?). I’m not sure.

I wish I had a real solution or answer for you. I wish I could say I’ve totally figured it out but I haven’t, but just wanted to say you’re not the only one to experience this. Because to be honest, the reason I’m up at 2am is because I can’t stop thinking about my sister’s most recent scream-fest, in which she said some truly hurtful things I just can’t seem to shake nor do I understand what happened. I know that my inner peace cannot be shaken by another unless I allow it. Although it’s hard, this is a belief that gets easier with practice, time, and age.

I would love to hear from others on this as well 🙂