Dear Liquidsnake:

I still need to understand, therefore I ask the following: what is the danger to HER then if her feelings get hurt as a result of your decision?

anita

Dear Liquidsnake:

In your original post on this thread you wrote regarding this woman with whom you had some kind of an intimate relationship for over a year and with whom you now you have a business relationship:

“Why do we go back to emotionally abusive, unreliable, and selfish people, even after knowing and experiencing, that, they will take you for a ride for sure…Is it because of lack of self worth…so that we feel emotionally safe and comfortable and dont want to lose their presence in our life…

I’m not able to get out of an emotional tangle and vicious circle and keep going into it again and again…. Can some one please guide me or help me to understand my behaviour?”

I am thinking that the danger that you fear by hurting her feelings is that- as strange as it may read to you- you still experience some emotional safety around her and you “don’t want to lose” her presence in your life?

anita

Dear Liquidsnake:

So it is a sense of guilt that is troubling you, feeling responsible for her well being, 50%?

Well, what about her 50%? Does she feel that she is 50% responsible for your distress?

The 50%-50% responsibility can be so only if both parties take on the 50% responsibility. If she doesn’t – then what in affect you are doing, is taking 100%.

In other words, you are free to take 0% responsibility for her well being to match her 0%.

And so, you want to walk out- just walk out. You are not responsible to give her any explanation.

What do you think about my math?

anita

Yes, Liquidsnake, sure- send it.
anita

Dear Liquidsnake:

I read through your first thread and this one. This is what I understand about the relationship with this woman: she is a relative, currently involved in a business with you. You used to have an emotionally intimate relationship with her, used to be “soulmates” as you put it. There was no sexual relationship with her.

She insisted that you have no friends and spend all your social time with her and you expected the same from her. But she, unlike you, became close to business associates and other friends and even had three dates or visits with another man (but she was not sexual with any one of those friends).

You were very hurt by the fact that she spent time with her friends, that she shared information with them that you believed belonged only to you and her.

You mentioned that she abused you, that she had emotional outbursts.

In her message above, she acknowledges that she has a “short temper” and that she hurt you knowingly.

The last part of her message: ” I WILL BE A NEVER ENDING PEST ONLY.. TO U.. EATING U FROM INSIDE….”-

What does it mean? Is this what it looks like- she threatening to be “a never ending pest, eating you from the inside”?

I don’t understand: you said a few posts ago that you are not afraid of her at all, that she poses no danger to you. But isn’t a … pest eating you from the inside for the rest of your life- isn’t that dangerous? Please explain to me what you believe she meant by being that “never ending pest eating you from the inside”?

And one more thing: her anger outbursts- describe the worst one- what were the things she said to you during that outburst and what did she do during the outburst, what were her actions?

anita

Dear Liquidsnake:

I am sorry you are so distressed.

I am confused as well, about your situation. On one hand, this woman seems to be so much trouble for you; on the other hand you seem to want her attention (but not so in your last paragraph). I don’t know. Like I just wrote, I am confused.

I don’t know what will be decided January. I sure hope you get to relax and calm yourself. Stay away from anything and anyone that you CAN stay away from so that you can be calmer.

anita