Dear HippieChick:

I know very well these kinds of urges, all to well. I know the draw to … once again ask it, once again state it, and that calmed it for a while, if I was lucky, but soon enough, here is that urge again and it wants to be verbalized, pushing through those vocal chords: say it! Say it!

At least this is how it has been for me.

This is why I am putting this in past tense: the urges are not even close to how strong they were, most often I don’t think I experience those anymore.

The way I did it was to exercise force- not say it no matter what. It was like stopping a moving car by pushing in the opposite direction. Doing that, I learned that when I am very adamant about not saying it, when I give myself no permission to say it, no matter what, the urge calms, as if it says to itself: what’s the point of pushing, she is not opening the door (mouth, really).

So I stopped blocking the urge but giving in to “just this time, and “it makes sense to say it in this case because…I blocked the urge no matter what. No negotiations.

anita

Dear HippieChick:

You are welcome. I agree with you completely: it is not easy, but heck, the price of not doing it is misery, the ending of a good relationship that took time to build. So resist this Urge- it is like an itch that needs to be scratched- temporary relief but then redness and bleeding. Better put aloe Vera on it- that would be something like taking a walk or a hot bath when the urge strikes hard. And you will feel better after the walk or hot bath.

Oh, and it does get easier. Give it few good months of resisting before you expect it to get easier.

anita