Dear Andrew:

Regarding you watching porn: “I’ve watched porn although I’ve been trying to cut it down and give it up because I always felt bad for watching it. Back to the story I went on to watch it and afterwards I felt really bad, ashamed, disgusted, guilty and terrible“-

– reads to me that for you to resolve your always-feeling-bad and terrible, your shame, disgust and guilt in regard to watching porn, it will be way easier for you to stop watching porn altogether than it would be to continue to watch it while trying hard to not feel badly about it. I would vote therefore on you giving up the practice.

Regarding you having been emotionally abused by your sister: how long has this been going on, if I may ask: at what age were you when she started abusing you, and in what forms has she been abusing you?

anita

Dear Andrew:

“recently.. I lost my dad in 2017 and now my mom is in a care home at a early age..  During the time my mum went to hospital my sister emotionally abused me..  and I have also lost my house.. I was feeling bored so I decided to watch porn… What I don’t understand is why I panicked about watching it.. even though I’ve watched it before and was fine.. Why do I feel like I’ve done something so bad that I need to punish myself that I nearly ended up going to the police over something so silly”-

– reads to me that what happened was that you felt like a bad person for either losing your father, and/ or for allowing your mother to live in a care home instead of living with you (and for having lost your house where she could live with you). Maybe your abusive sister accused you of being a bad son.. a bad brother (?). All together, all your guilt in regard to your family members  happened to concentrate on that one event of watching porn.

And even though you didn’t watch porn since July this year, the guilt of failing your family members haunt you still. You feel like you’ve “done something so bad”, which is leaving your mother at a care home (?), and you believe that you need to punish yourself for it.  Do you think that this is what is happening?

anita

Dear Andrew:

I am still looking for the reason you feel guilty, the reason you feel like a bad person who needs to be punished: I am glad to read that you do not feel guilty about your mother living in home care, or about losing your house

So now I wonder, do you feel guilty regarding the death of your father. Is it that you feel guilty regarding your father: maybe you feel that you were not a good son when he was alive.. maybe you feel guilty about his death back in 2017?

OR your guilt may have something to do with the nature of the abuse inflicted on you by your sister.. what did she accuse you of, or criticize you about?

anita

Dear Andrew:

I do wish for you “to live a perfect peaceful life“, as much as is possible for you. Reads to me that to move toward this goal, you need to (1) have no contact with your sister and to (2) reach out to a loving, supportive Christian church for help regarding your guilt. For a while I attended a born-again Christian church whose pastor openly shared that he used to be “addicted to porn”, as he phrased it. Maybe you can find a pastor who also used to be engaged in a behavior he felt guilty for, and who managed to stop that behavior and resolve his guilt!

anita

You are welcome, Andrew, and thank you for wishing me to be blessed- I wish you the same!

anita

How are you, Andrew?

anita

Dear Andrew:

Good to read back from you. I am sorry for your loss: the loss of your mother only 3 days ago, and the loss of your father back in 2017. I hope the waiting list for you to see a therapist is not too long. If posting here so to express yourself, getting my feedback- if that helps, you are welcome to express yourself here anytime. Thank you for asking about me: I am fine, a bit bored though. It’s been raining here a lot.

anita