Dear Harry:

Welcome back! Good to have you here.

You wrote: “I suffer from hearing loss, so I have a very hard time hearing people.” I want to share something with you, quite amazing, to me, when I first realized it: people with good hearing, no hearing problem, do not hear people. They can hear the sounds a person emits to them, make up the words sometimes, even connections between words, but they are too busy hearing their own thoughts. Too busy to hear what the other is saying.

Most of the times, people don’t listen to another, they are busy thinking their own thoughts (while the other is talking) and planning what they are going to say next; waiting for their turn to speak.

If you learned to listen to another, even with your physical hearing problem, you can be a way better listener to most other people!

You wrote: “people in my age of 20s are not very understanding of others’ problems and just want to party and have fun”- you wrote it yourself, people your age (and any age) are not so available to listen.

All you have to do is find one woman who wants to be listened to. Then do a good job at it.

anita

Dear harry:

I suppose this is why I don’t find you boring, because you are good at deep talk. I get bored with what you called “external stuff.” As I wrote all you need to find (for the purpose of a romantic relationship) is ONE woman. And that would be one young woman who is interested in the deep talk. There has to be one. I was always interested in deep talk and was so very lonely as a child, teenager, young adult. I would have loved if someone like you was available to listen to ME!

You asked: “How will I know when to take the conversation on a deeper level, or whether that person needs to be heard through me despite having other friends or family?” You are not the only person who grew up with abusive and/ or unavailable family! There is a young woman out there with no family to talk to. Or friends. She too is thinking that she is not good at external stuff.

How to find her? Look around, see a young woman sitting by herself, looking sad, maybe worried, lonely? she is sad and alone not because she is not worthy or good enough. She didn’t have a good childhood, just like you. And the two of you can help each other.

anita

Dear Harry:

I have no doubt that I would have loved you to listen to me when I was young and troubled, as I was. Amazing how ALONE a person can be, for so long.

You wrote that you don’t want to be someone’s option when they he/ she is your priority. I wouldn’t want that either, for myself. If a person ignores you, don’t chase that person, turn away. If a person treats you like an option, treat that person like an option as well, or.. as no option at all.

Aim your connecting efforts not at the group of external-stuff-people who are lookin popular (or trying to appear popular); aim instead at the individuals who are away from the popular group, introverts, deep-talk-people.

anita

Dear Harry:

Maybe your purpose in life, the why you are looking for is (as in the song): “To Love and be Loved in return.”

To connect- my theme in your last thread: we are social beings, if we don’t connect, we feel dead. We connect, truly connect, the deep kind of connecting- and we come ALIVE!

anita