Hi Christie. I am not entirely sure why you feeling that way because i have never been through anything like that but i can comfort you. Im so sorry to hear, its must been like hell to loose someone you were dearly in love with..
What i think is, i think you was trying to ignore the fact that he is gone, deep down inside you said to yourself that you will be strong and over come this, try to think for what he did was right… But you denying the fact that he is already gone, you may think that you have accepted that fact but you’re probably not because you’re grieving now… Usually, the person whom holds it in, try to be strong in such a short time period is just in denial. I feel the same, as i just broke up with my ex too… and i still function normally but deep down inside I’m not even sure how i feel.
Sometimes its not even you, its a psychological state… because you were so in shock, your brain must have told you to forget about the situation to be able to cope with it, but however, you still acknowledge the situation and maybe it all comes back to you now. I think that could be right, because there is a few cases where… people lost someone they really love, and to be able to handle and cope with the situation, somehow they seems to forget about what happened and just continuing with life. Our human body is very smart and our brain is very powerful what it can do when it comes to coping. I hope you will feel better in time… Please, take care of yourself and focus in other things and keep reminding yourself that your love is now in a better place, he is no longer living in sorrow and pain. 🙁 Im really sorry to know… hope everything will get better for you.