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Why am I suddenly grieving now after a year?

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Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • April 13, 2014 at 7:03 pm #54727
    Belle
    Participant

    Hi Guys,

    so I recently i discovered this page and I am SO glad I did. People have been so wonderful in helping me with some recent issues so I thought I would see if anyone can shed any light on this situation.

    I am 23 years old and consider myself quite tough when it comes to dealing with difficult situations, but for some reason suddenly everything is coming up again. I moved to a new state 4 years ago and met a boy I instantly was attracted too, we got together and were in love before we even realised what was happening. However it turned out my love had some very big demons in his life and was suffering a great deal. I fought with him in his battle of depression and suicide attempts for 3 years. I spent nights awake on the phone talking him out of it, physically removing items from his hands and calling emergency services when i was too late. I tried for years to get him help but he wasn’t interested in saving himself and refused all my attempts, his way to deal with it was through drugs, alcohol and avoidance. I tried to get his family and friends to help me with him but they were not interested and his friends thought i was just a “fun police” trying to get him clean.

    In June last year, while sitting in my parents lounge room, my father got a call from my partners uncle (my dad and him are close friends) .. my love had taken his own life.

    I was absolutely devastated and felt my heart break almost instantly. I cried for a week straight and his funeral was the most excruciating moment in my life to date. However after that I seemed to somehow find strength in the fact that he was now at peace and was no longer suffering in a world he so badly wanted to leave. I picked myself up, vowed to never forget him and started to put my life back together. Everyone was so proud of how strong i was in dealing with it.

    now almost a year later, all of a sudden I cant get him out of my head. I have cried almost every night last week, I keep thinking of him everytime a song comes on, I am missing him now more then ever. Why all of a sudden is this happening when I have been ok for the past year. why now am I so upset? It is nearing his 1 year anniversary and at this point im not sure i can handle visiting him for it.. I dont know why this is happening after so long.. please help 🙁

    April 14, 2014 at 4:01 am #54745
    Luna
    Participant

    Hi Christie. I am not entirely sure why you feeling that way because i have never been through anything like that but i can comfort you. Im so sorry to hear, its must been like hell to loose someone you were dearly in love with..
    What i think is, i think you was trying to ignore the fact that he is gone, deep down inside you said to yourself that you will be strong and over come this, try to think for what he did was right… But you denying the fact that he is already gone, you may think that you have accepted that fact but you’re probably not because you’re grieving now… Usually, the person whom holds it in, try to be strong in such a short time period is just in denial. I feel the same, as i just broke up with my ex too… and i still function normally but deep down inside I’m not even sure how i feel.
    Sometimes its not even you, its a psychological state… because you were so in shock, your brain must have told you to forget about the situation to be able to cope with it, but however, you still acknowledge the situation and maybe it all comes back to you now. I think that could be right, because there is a few cases where… people lost someone they really love, and to be able to handle and cope with the situation, somehow they seems to forget about what happened and just continuing with life. Our human body is very smart and our brain is very powerful what it can do when it comes to coping. I hope you will feel better in time… Please, take care of yourself and focus in other things and keep reminding yourself that your love is now in a better place, he is no longer living in sorrow and pain. 🙁 Im really sorry to know… hope everything will get better for you.

    April 14, 2014 at 12:58 pm #54764
    Jade
    Participant

    There’s absolutely no shame in what you’re feeling, in fact it’s incredibly common to increasingly grieve for the people we lost around important milestones. My best friend lost her little brother last summer and while she has been strong, she knows that when the 1 year anniversary comes closer she’s going to have a very tough time.

    Take the time to grieve, but also cherish all the things you loved about him. Wishing you strength and peace.

    April 14, 2014 at 4:20 pm #54781
    Belle
    Participant

    Thank you both so much 🙁 maybe I haven’t really taken the time to deal with it properly. I am not sure but your encouragement means a lot to me xx

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