i know what you mean. got dumped after one year via email. shittiest thing ever. trouble is – we choose. learning to let go is of crucial importance. a wise woman advised me to punch a pillow instead of flirting and dancing with resentment. all the best.

Hey, I just split up with my boyfriend because he wants to keep playing the field. I’m furious and sad and I emailed him everything. Told him exactly what I thought. It didn’t really help. I’m still upset. I’m doing my best to acknowledge the pain is mine and that he needs to do what he needs to do. I guess that in 5 years time I will be so glad the guy is in my past. I deserve better than that attitude and so do you. I know its a cliche but there are better people out there.

I’m 6 months out and a lot of why we feel resentment is because our ego’s have taken a huge hit. I know with me, I begin to think of ways of getting revenge. I’ve heard so many people tell me “revenge won’t make you feel better.” That’s NOT true, I did get my husband’s “slut” fired from her job, and proceeded to destroy her marriage. Then I felt better. When women “chose” to cheat with a married man, well they have opened themselves up to learn a valuable lesson. I’m the teacher 🙂

Okay, so we are on this site to learn forgiveness and to find inner happiness. As long as you continue to resent her, you are giving her power. I heard a quote once that I want you to think about. “Resentments is like taking poison but waiting for your enemy to die.” It’s not about her, it’s about you and allowing yourself to find peace and happiness within yourself. She is gone, focus on what you want/need and go for it.

Some more suggestions for you, that have worked for me. If you have the opportunity to sit alone….no one else in the house or apartment…where you can say out loud what you are feeling. It is totally uncensored and you get to say whatever you want. It is an opportunity to get it off your chest. I journal as well, but there is something about speaking out loud what I feel. I used to think I was crazy for doing this, but I felt so much better afterwards that I figured if it is helping me, then I am not crazy. Its a release and some things actually came to light that helped me let go even more.
Another thing you might try is looking at what you are feeling now, and how that is serving you compared to what you will gain by letting go. When I did this, the things I thought I would gain by letting go, actually made me feel motivated. And that was a much better feeling than the anger, hurt and sadness I felt.
This is not a process that happens overnight. It is a day by day thing. But looking at what your life could look like by letting go of this, and everything that entails from new relationships to new attitude, might help you move down that path. 🙂

Hey, I think folks have offered some really good advice so far, and I’m no yogi who has all the answers, but I empathize with you. I have some resentment too. I just wanted to say I think it’s perfectly okay and healthy to feel resentful, or any other difficult emotion, and I think what makes it less healthy is beating yourself up for feeling that way. Like Lori Densche says in her series about letting go of resentment, anger, etc, “feeling more feelings about your feelings” is the problem. I think part of it is accepting your feelings and giving yourself empathy and compassion for those feelings, taking care of yourself, holding yourself in your tender spot, as my therapist would say. That’s what nonviolent communication teaches, too – self-empathy! Self-love I think is the perfect solution, loving yourself even when you’re not where you think you should be. It’s ok for you to feel like you do, totally understandable, normal, and remember – it won’t always be like this, we’ll heal with time 🙂

I have found that I have gained a LOT from saying daily affirmations that I wrote down and carry around with me. These have been one of the most positive things in my life and can really change your thinking if you say them often enough, for long enough, and if you are patient with yourself and the process. There are millions of them at free affirmations dot org, and also googling 101 inner peace affirmations I HIGHLY recommend! Write down your favorite ones, edit them some if you want, and say them every day or so for three months, and see if anything has changed in your thinking and feelings 😀

Another thing is when I got cheated on, I was really hurt, and one day I wrote down in my magic book everything I wanted in a partner and eventually I GOT that partner! He’s REAL! 😀 He’s not perfect, and we still have problems, but he’s perfect for me, and if my ex hadn’t cheated on me, I wouldn’t have found this love of my life. So maybe in a few years you’ll thank her when you’re with the right one!

I would caution you against saying he emotionally raped her, though, as I am very sensitive to calling anything rape when it’s NOT, because that’s a VERY serious thing and I don’t think that word should be used lightly at all. He may have manipulated her, or something like that, but she chose to do what she did, all by herself – she is an adult, right? No one is forced to cheat and lie, and women are just as capable of making decisions as men.

But anyway, I think you have a right to feel bad, and “the pain will ease” as Mimi in “RENT” says 😀 Take care of yourself, practice self-love, and be patient with your healing 🙂 You’re not alone, pass your wisdom along to others who are hurting too.

What has helped me go through this process is the “survivinginfidelity.com” they have forums where you (the betrayed partner) can scream, cuss, vent, cry, laugh, nothing is off limits. You can say what you need, nobody there will judge you, they give you positive areas to look at in the site that will help get the pain to subside. They also have places where the cheating person can vent (you can’t respond to them if there is a stop sign.) The cheater hurts too, especially if they are trying to save their marriages. This is a PROCESS that takes time. Yes, I know there are some people that simply don’t get “bugged” by being betrayed. I’m NOT one of them. We (men & women) handle the betrayal of their partner (wife, husband, etc.) pretty much the same. It rocks your very foundation, the person you trusted the most in this world has stabbed you in the back. Some of these relationships CAN be saved, but it takes work. I did get revenge, but not in a physical way. I wanted her to hurt as much as I do and she does. I was told “this won’t make you feel better” well that wasn’t my experience at all, once I destroyed her career, her marriage, then I felt I could move on and work on me. I don’t like that fact that I HAD to do this to move on. The OTHER person, or even your partner ISN’T the issue here, it is YOU. How to heal the pain in your heart, in your soul.

I’m pretty sure the ONLY way we can find PEACE is to do this course. Nobody can heal us, it has to come from within. I have so many other “stressors” hitting me while going through this, very painful things, but I’m focusing on ME! It is OUR time to feel better and kick the resentments to the curb. They really will poison us, what’s worse is the people that have hurt us is oblivious to the turmoil inside of us (unless you are trying to reconcile.) I’m starting the journey, and I’m serious about making the changes I need to do so I can STOP HURTING….. You can do it!

Do you have others you talk to about your feelings??
Resentment is a terrible thing. About 2 years ago i was filled with them. In fact all i thought about were resentments towards myself and others and had no other space in my brain to think productively. The only way i found to deal with them was by exposing them to others. In exposing them to others i was able to see things about myself that were in fact the main creator of those feelings. One thing i saw and that i still have not gotten away from entirely was my way in dealing with my feelings which was actually self destruction. I shoved my feelings inside and that’s what created the resentments, not only towards whatever started the feelings but also towards the ways i tried dealing with them.
Relationships in that sense are a tricky thing. Shoot, for me i still struggle from time to time in all of my relationships,(by that i mean even friendships). The longest i dated someone was for 3 years as well. It was very unhealthy. I did a lot of harm to her and she did a lot of harm to me. I held on to her in my mind after we split for about 2 years. Constantly thinking about her, getting resentful at both myself and her and i never talked about how i was feeling with anyone, sadly i didn’t know how and until i learned and did that’s when the resentment started to die down. We tried dating again and when i saw that it was going to be the same i broke up with her but this time in the healthiest fashion i knew, which was we actually sat down and talked about our break up. This helped with some closure because the time before we just stopped talking to each other. But even after this break up i still found myself feeling angry, guilty, shameful and the like about past things between us and even possibilities of what it is she may be doing now as far as getting with someone else and so and so forth. Someone told me one time that even though i let go of the hope that i had in us possibly being able to work, i was still holding on to her in a negative way, i just used that negative was as a excuse to continue to hold on. When i don’t accept something as it is and hold on it is all out of fear. Fear of not being provided for, fear of not being loved, fear of the unknown, so my conditioned way is to hold on, to control which i have come find that the more i hold on and the more i try to control the weaker i become and that I am actually the one being controlled.
I hope this Helped.