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Why Cant I Be Satisfied?

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  • January 27, 2016 at 11:14 am #93959
    Dina
    Participant

    @Icy

    I can completely relate to you, and while my heart breaks for what you’re going through, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. The beauty of your post is this: you have an incredibly supportive and loving partner. These are the people we need in our lives.

    I cant tell you I have it figured out, but with a partner like the one you have found, I feel hopeful. I feel hopeful that people like me and you can find others to love us and be there and not leave, for that is a big fear of mine too.

    I think you’ve made huge steps in recognizing your thought patterns. It’s HUGE that you are realizing the things that you are prone to, and the things that make you nervous. It’s HUGE that you’re starting to see where some of this began in your part.

    All I can tell you is this: Stop being so hard on yourself. You’re making massive progress every day. Love yourself. You are a wonderful person, as proof by the wonderful man who made the very intelligent decision to be your life partner 🙂

    Your post has helped me as well. Thank you for sharing.

    January 27, 2016 at 12:58 pm #93970
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dina:

    You wrote earlier on this thread: “I tend to be 110% or nothing in my relationships. Im either way too in, losing myself in the process, or completely uninterested in which case I break up immediately.” You also shared that your mother insisted that you cancel all your individual plans to attend to your family. As I see it, your mother taught you that to engage in a relationship with your family you had to give up your own interest, that you had to be “consumed” is the verb you used- you become nothing and the other party to the relationship becomes all that matters.

    This explains to me why you tend to be all or nothing in your relationships with guys- either way too in, losing yourself or you withdraw and end it. You learned All or Nothing relating from your mother. But it is impossible to tolerate losing yourself in a relationship for long, so you end it. You learned a way that is unhealthy and cannot be maintained for long.

    If you learn, either in good psychotherapy, or within a healing relationship with your boyfriend, to not give up all of you, to give and take reasonably, then you will able to tolerate a relationship.

    anita

    January 27, 2016 at 1:34 pm #93973
    Dina
    Participant

    Thanks for the advice Anita 🙂 This is actually also advice I received my therapist and am still working towards today!

    January 27, 2016 at 8:22 pm #94006
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Dina. You can practice being assertive in any relationship you are in, not only in a romantic one.

    The more you practice being assertive, having your needs heard and taken seriously, respected, practicing Win-Win relationships and interactions, any interactions with people…the more empowered you will be in a romantic relationship, the less scared you will be and the less likely you will be to run away.

    anita

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