Chad,
I can relate about being kicked in the ass by the Universe. I had that done too many times.

My approach to addressing how to change so that I can find myself was to work on BEing.

Your questions about your identity and other aspects about your Self were not explicitly what I was asking when i went through my many crisis. I was figuring out how to let go of my thoughts, how to let go of any identity, how to focus on the moment, how to hear what my heart has to say and have the courage to follow it.

I believe that thinking… our thoughts create our pain. Thinking about such questions and struggling for the answers will not make you happier in my opinion. It is the practice of what you mentioned here of self love, meditation, mindfulness, etc.

You may want to study the Buddhist Eight Fold Path as a start to cease suffering.

Take care,
Mark