Wow. Tough times indeed! It sounds to me you have several options:
a). Face the fear of leaving a boyfriend who you claim still doesn’t love you despite your sacrifices and move in with your dad where you can rest and do art until you figure out life.
b). Face the fear of trusting strangers on craigslist and find someone to move in through the internet.
c). Move to Hawaii and face the legitimate fear of risking running out of money.

At this point, unless something else comes up, you’ll have to face one of your fears because your body, mind and spirit has already told you that you can’t take any more of the current environment you are in and you are very obviously consciously of what is going on.

I know times seem tough right now, but things are going to work out one way or the other if you make it happen. You must have faith. 🙂 Where there’s will, there’s a way. I have faith in you! You are going to choose a new life that works for you and you will be happy! It’s going to hurt to leave him, run away or to have to depend on strangers; but that’s life. You clearly need a change, so whatever you choose will do you good.

It’s hard to leave the side of someone you love, but are you really going to live without making a change you clearly want? Why choose such a tortured existence to support someone who does not love you back and risk another breakdown?

In light of the fact that you do not have transportation, perhaps it would be wisest to move somewhere you could go to work, social activities, perhaps school, groceries somewhere where you are either within walking distance or there’s good public transportation. Also, being with family such as your dad isn’t a bad place to figure your life out (assuming your dad is a dependable guy)…. You know your dad and he isn’t a stranger. Small towns are good for figuring things out because you have quiet and your own thoughts, which you can also put into your art.

When I left my ex, I was able to find places to live and jobs in less than a week. This has happened twice in my life, and I was able to find better jobs and comfortable living arrangements each time. When times are tough/ dark, it’s just time to move on. When one door closes, go kick some other doors down! You can do this! 🙂

Also, don’t be so hard on yourself! I am sure you can take care of a child! You supported your boyfriend just as a mother would do! 🙂

Peace be with you!