Hi Courtney,

I think I know exactly how you are feeling. I recently went through a breakup as well. I am trying to see the “lesson” in it, and I am failing miserably. Truthfully, I think the lesson is that I need to learn to love myself.

Before I met her, I was confident, caring, and a hopeless romantic. When we met, I truly thought it was fate, and it seemed like a fairy tale. Now looking back, I didn’t really take the time to get to know her, like I probably should have. This relationship has left me feeling unworthy, lonely, and depressed. Everything I thought that I loved about myself has been taken away.

I understand your feelings of being infatuated with him. You met someone that you really like, and can see yourself with. You put yourself out there, and I get how easy it is to feel let down, and that you will never find love again. What if a higher power told you “You are going to meet Mr. Right on this date and it’s going to be amazing.” It would make everything so much easier. My suggestion to you, and to myself, is to work more on loving myself, and less on loving another person. We must see the value in ourselves, and trust that we are amazing people, that deserve someone amazing. And it will happen one day. Take your time with getting to know someone, especially being sexual. If he is saying you can still “hook-up”, that is a big red flag to me. To me that proves he was never ready for anything serious to begin with. I’ve learned that anything too soon just complicates the relationship. As a man, yes I know guys are sometimes out for only one thing. But I assure you they are not all like that. Age also has a lot to do with it. Or where they are at maturity wise, rather. It sounds like this is the first person you have dated since your ex. I will say that realistically the next person you date probably isn’t going to be the one.

Perhaps he thought he was ready for something, then he realized he wasn’t. He could potentially be in the same place that I am. I have been single for just over 6 months. And perhaps I would meet someone amazing, but after a little while I might get scared, I might feel that my last relationship took so much energy from me, that I just can’t do it. And it has nothing to do with you. It’s not anything you did or didn’t do. I am just now feeling I would like to date again, but I also want to be upfront with women I go out with, so they understand where I am at. Already you’ve decided that a casual hook-up relationship isn’t for you. So that right there shows you have learned something already! The next person you meet, you can be upfront about that. Don’t let this discourage you. I know those wonderful feelings of infatuation. I miss them as well. It’s the most amazing feeling on the planet. I’ve never tried drugs, but I assume it’s a similar feeling. You crave that amazing wonderful high, only to be super depressed when it goes away. But know that there is a plan for all of us. That one day you will meet someone amazing that deserves your amazing heart!

• This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Don Scott.