Home→Forums→Tough Times→When your fears come true
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Sat Nam.
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August 8, 2014 at 11:57 am #62890
Sat NamParticipantI have been living in fear for so long; fear of abandonment, rejection, humiliation, etc. It has paralyzed me, creating in me my worst enemy. Instead of uplifting me from the mess I have dug myself in deeper, forming layers and layers of nasty. Been trying to clean it all up, but today I am feeling weak and tired. What brought me to write today is this need to break self destructive patterns. I am asking for help because I have a problem asking for help in fear of getting rejected. One step at a time they say, asking for help is in itself a challenge for me and here I am doing it. I need to change, not only for me but for my 2 children.
Due to my fears, since the age of 14 I have not been without a “companion” more than maybe a few months. I got married at 24 not out of love but again that fear, had a child, and got divorced. Instead of staying single and facing all the demons I had not wanted to face I went into another relationship. This relationship has completely changed my life. I will be 30 and for the first time I can actually say I was in love, but in that love was a lot of fear. I feared him not loving me, leaving, I was practically fearing him doing to me what I did to my ex husband. And guess what? My fears came true. We had a child and he is gone. Our son will be 6 months old on Sunday and it has been 3 months since he left.
I am dedicated to being single now and fully cleanse myself of unnecessary emotions (baggage), giving my children the best version of me day by day. But how do I begin to attract those things I truly want and not what I deeply fear? If you have been me in some way, shape, or form and wish you knew then what you know now, then please share that wisdom.
Thank you,
Sat NamAugust 8, 2014 at 5:04 pm #62902
BenzRabbitParticipantSN,
You have identified your own problem: “Due to my fears, since the age of 14 I have not been without a companion more than maybe a few months.” So, you do not want to be ‘ALONE’ !
Our fears develop when we are young. I do not know your history but can tell you that in most cases, the fear of being alone comes from childhood when we are not loved/treated right by one of both of our parents !
You have to first clear the fears/past from your mind and gain ‘SELF-LOVE’ !
Here are 2 website links that will help you get started:
http://rohan7things.wordpress.com/2013/01/10/how-to-overcome-loneliness-and-a-fear-of-being-single/
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201109/why-am-i-so-afraid-being-aloneGod bless !
August 8, 2014 at 7:45 pm #62914Sat NamParticipantBenzRabbit thank you for your insight, hitting the mark beautifully. Being alone was or let me say is the rooted fear that has brought me here. I am going to read both links you shared and truly appreciate your help.
With Love,
Sat NamAugust 10, 2014 at 10:25 pm #63034
IreneParticipantHi Sat Nam,
Reading your post it sounds just like me. I hate being single and the fear of being alone can be crippling. Even when i’m in a relationship, i will have a lot of fear and insecurities. Small issues will seem like a big deal and my fear always came true, they left again. I agree that the deep rooted problem that caused us all these is our lack of self love. We feel inadequate, or something must be wrong with us that we keep ending up in the same situation. I’m sure you are sick of it and want to get better, i do too. Seeing a therapist can help, reading CBT book on self esteem helps too. Whenever i feel that fear coming, i exercise. I’d rather have that muscle pain trying to finish that reps rather than feeling the hurt, after exercising you’ll feel much clearer and proud of yourself. There are a lot of exercise routine on youtube that you can do from home.
Chin up, you are beautiful and let’s learn to make peace with ourselves. Sending lot’s of love to you 🙂
August 11, 2014 at 8:45 pm #63142Sat NamParticipantAww Irene, thank you for sharing about yourself and how you’re coming out of it. You know what I always did before this most recent break-up? Instead of being comfortable alone and learning to go after a meaningful relationship, I would go for the guy who really liked me, not that I liked him that much :/ It was my way of not risking getting hurt, if they left I wouldn’t be too sad. And while they were there I felt I had someone who cared, I wasn’t “unworthy.” Now after my divorce I wanted to break that pattern and go for a guy I really liked, but I was so focused on my fear that like you mentioned I too was full of insecurities. No relationship can really progress that way, at some point people have to be removed so you get back on the path (whichever it may be). I’m tired of running from myself and have decided to really fall in love with ME, make her shine, and once she’s comfortable in her own skin & on her own she will be able to share herself. I won’t lie, I still miss my ex, love him the same, and would love for him to come back. But I get it, it wasn’t our time and now my time is to be dedicated solely to my children and myself. It’s as if I’m nurturing 3 (my 2 sons and my inner wounded child). You are beautiful as well Irene and I wish you the best on this journey to freedom so you may find the best in you and attract the same in a man. You are a warrior. Love and light!
August 12, 2014 at 2:38 am #63150IreneParticipantThank you for the very kind words Sat Nam. To be honest if there’s any available guy that’s interested in me I’ll jump into the relationship wagon asap. But being unemployed and have a non existent social life make moving on so much harder. I’m having setbacks today, strapping myself tight for the roller coaster ride. Hopefully everything will be okay. Love and hugs to you and your sons.
August 12, 2014 at 2:39 am #63151
CassandraParticipantHey SN,
Really appreciate your initiative. Just hold on your self.I too fear a lot n those come true. So I understand. Enjoy life as it is.
love.August 12, 2014 at 9:48 am #63194Sat NamParticipantMorning Irene, I hope I find you reading this so much better, having gone through the setback and enjoying your success. I have no doubt you will find the perfect match, it looks like you want to change that habit which I also had and really go for someone to complement your life, not save us from what only we must fix. Maybe this is a great time to channel into your creativity and that new job will come around. With that job a social life which nurtures you, even here I find people care a lot. A community of love helping one another get to their destination. I went to Agape Spiritual Center for the first time (here in CA) Sunday to celebrate my baby’s 6 month b-day and this is their theme for the month:
“Create your life by DESIGN, not be DEFAULT” meaning if we don’t design how we want our life to play out day by day it will usually be by default of all our incompletions (fears, traumas, etc.)
I had never been and his talk really hit some great points. Here is the link in case you want to see it…go to 8-10-14 11:30 service 😉 http://agapelive.com/streaming-archives/sunday-08-10-2014/#.U-pEx6MucQYAugust 12, 2014 at 9:53 am #63195Sat NamParticipantMorning Cassandra,
Thank you for your blessings! Love & light ♥ May your life only channel your desires, not your fears. For me & all those who suffer from this, be blessed the same.
Sat Nam
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