Hello everyone,
I was in long distance relationship with a guy few months ago. Everything was well between him and me though he wasn’t my type. But we didn’t care all these imperfections at all. What mattered to us was just love. We couldn’t meet each other often since he lived in another district which was quite far from the city I lived. All our conversation was through social networks. We used to have little fights here and there because I wasn’t ready to get adjusted with everything since I lived my life for other people but not for me. Besides, I had turned out be some rude and harsh girl because of other people around me and the way they made use of my innocence and caring personality and proved me wrong about this beautiful world. I was totally hard with my boyfriend yet I loved him much deeper than anyone. But I had no idea how to express my love towards him. All the insecurity about losing him and the low level of confidence about me resulted in a sickening relationship. Meanwhile, something went wrong, I still feel so ew about myself though it all happened without my sense. “I moved closer with guys in social network” I want to tell one thing that I’m damn innocent when it comes about people and stuff. My boyfriend figured it out and he was totally hurt and he began cussing me and I don’t blame him for that because anyone would be hurt in his place. Sooner we had to break up because he fell in love with a friend of mine, I couldn’t hold myself and I brought out the monster in me. But he kept pointing at the mistakes with guys as if I was some slut. I convinced him saying that I’m not such girl in real life of mine and I tried everything but he never listened it all. I feel so ashamed of myself. If I were smarter maybe I would have avoided the scenes but I wasn’t. I thought everybody was good around and fell into pit without having any idea about it. I haven’t touched a single guy in my real life, I’m looked upon as a real angelic girl by everyone around my house and in my institution but when it comes about this damned social network because of my ex boyfriend, because of those two guys I began feeling like I’m a prostitute or something like that. Now I’m away from everything. I stopped contacting my ex and the friend with whom he’s in love with, I deactivated the account in the social network and I’m totally away from society. But every night I feel haunted by the memories and wonder whether my boyfriend was right about me, that I’m some prostitute. I often tell myself that it was just some social networking not my real life and I did not do any such thing in my life and that I must forget it all but I just can’t. This feeling og guilty always kills me everytime and I have considered myself as some untrustworthy person. Since I have no closed ones who can be trusted with my secrets I can’t share with anybody and I die every night without sleep. I totally feel so low about myself. I just need your help. I feel so suicidal sometimes I don’t want anything but I have to live for my family and they have no clue about what’s going on in my life. I’m tired of trying to help myself and I need advice. I just want someone to shout at me that I’m not a bad person and prove me wrong ;'(