fbpx
Menu

When you did little mistakes lost the one you loved

Home→Forums→Relationships→When you did little mistakes lost the one you loved

New Reply
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • July 19, 2015 at 10:59 am #80090
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear thefallenone:

    I read your story in the other thread, about your ex step father and how he beat and almost killed you and your mother. your mother married him so that he will protect you two from strange men knocking on the door but he turned out to be the threat himself. This ex step father had a great influence on your young mind and life (You are 16).

    you want, in this thread “someone to shout at (you) that (you’re) not a bad person.”

    You used the word “shout”- is it because your ex step father used to shout at you? Is there a voice in you now shouting at you… that you are a bad person?

    If there is such a voice in you, shouting, tell it to lower its voice,lower the volume. Tell it this is not the way to talk to you. When you talk to yourself, talk kindly, with a soft, gentle voice to yourself.

    No, you are not a prostitute (did you have a sexual contact with a person and did that person pay you for it? If so you prostituted yourself then; if not so- you did not). And I bet you are not a bad person- you did not deserve the abuse by your ex step father and you could not have protected your mother against his abuse. You are not responsible for the circumstances that brought that man into your life. You are not responsible for your mother’s experience in life.

    Does any of this help you?

    anita

    July 19, 2015 at 9:00 pm #80111
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello thefallenone,

    I’m sorry this happened to you. It must be very difficult to go through this all by yourself. There are no perfect relationships, but long distance relationships are even tougher. I think it’s disrespectful that he cursed at you regardless of the situation. You did not have any physical relationship with these people on social network, so you are nowhere near being a prostitute. Besides, you haven’t even been physical with any men. I don’t think it’s kind to you to label yourself as a prostitute. I am wondering if you got closer to these men on social media because there was something lacking in your relationship? Is there something they gave you that was missing in your relationship? For example compliments, acknowledgement,time, communication, validation or even understanding? Sometimes when we are upset with ourselves we can project this onto others to hide our shame/guilt. It may be that he was already involved with this other girl and wanted out of the relationship so he made you feel badly about yourself.

    It seems as if you haven’t had much relationship experience, so i’m going to tell you that this is how we learn. We make mistakes that we know not to make the next time around. When we get to the person who is deserving of us, we will be ready for an honest and mature relationship. We all make mistakes. We learn about health, science, and English in school, but nobody tells us about communication and understanding and the ingredients for a good relationship. I promise things will get better with time, just allow yourself to grieve the relationship. Be kind to yourself as these feelings subside.

    July 19, 2015 at 10:06 pm #80115
    BlueButterfly
    Participant

    Dear Anita and Annie, Thanks a lot! Your response meat a lot to me. I was in real need of advices from real persons. I was quite nervous about posting my problem that others might judge me but I was wrong! And yes, my ex sted dad has a great impact on my life, he made me realise how important a mother is to the child as well as his personality happened to make me trust that men are nothing ut monsters.
    I wasn’t in any contact with guys, it was just that we talked closer but my ex made it huge issue. I wasn’t really happy with him but I stayed in the relationship. He never valued my feelings or never understood me clearly and that’s what killing me. Annie, I totally agree with you about relationships.
    Thank you

    July 20, 2015 at 8:29 am #80128
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear thefallenone:

    When you meet again a man, or any person at all who disrespects you, who does not value you, your feelings, who doesn’t see you or try to see you as the valuable person that you are- get away from that person. Do not stay in relationship with that person. Do not try to make him see you or value you. Be selective WHO you allow into your life. As you already experienced, there are monsters in this world. Now that you know there are, from a very personal experience, say, if you will: never again.

    It doesn’t have to be the very same kind of monster. Any person who really invalidates your feelings, treats you disrespctully, as if you are not important- is a monster in your life.

    And please, do not assume that because there are monsters, that there has been a monster or monsters in your life, that it means that you have no value. This is the farthest from the truth. I know this truth from a very personal experience.

    anita

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.