Feeling confused and hateful towards myself.
I cheated on my bf about a month ago which i regret immensely, we both had started to get over it and move on with our relationship of 4 nearly 5 years. Then my bf saw that i was looking at the persons instagram, i dont know why i was i guess maybe i was curious but either way i knew it was wrong.
My bf is completely beside himself and quite rightly. He says he can never trust me again and i dont know what to do.
All of this comes down to me and how i think its acceptable to treat people.
The most fucked up thing about it is that i truly love him and want to be with him forever. We have an amazing connection, hes my soul mate. So why do i act this way?
Its like I have 2 sides of me, nice loving me and horrible bitch me who doesn’t care about anyone.I feel like my insecurities have destroyed me and now I’m hurting the one person I need in my life.
I honestly think it would be cruel to stay with him when he can do so much better than me.
I’m in need of an outside opinion.