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When will things get better?

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  • July 6, 2017 at 9:24 pm #156738
    Ashley
    Participant

    I’m 29 years young and more lonely than ever.  I make friends but usually it consists of me being walked on and treated quite unnappreciated.  I was on a mental health unit (5th time or so in the past 10 years) in the beginning of May of this year for being suicidal (my 3rd attempt was in January 2016) and I’ve come to really accept that both of my parents have negative narcissistic personalities.  A nurse told me it was hard for her to believe that it’s hard for me to make and keep friends because I’m so “sweet and caring”.  In group discussion, I shared that I’ve been told by close friends that I make people feel stupid.  It was somewhat surprising to hear that when I did.  Another patient said in response that it was because I am more intelligent than the ones that feel that way and the nurse agreed.  She told me I need to start standing up for myself, which was very true.  I’ve started standing up for myself but I’m more lonely than ever especially with my first little one on the way.  It feels great being assertive for the first time in my life and I normally can handle an overload of alone time but I feel like my life never gets better.  It’s almost feeling like you’re cursed.  I was having a great ol’ time after I got off of the unit–learning how to heal from emotional abuse and starting therapy.  But everything is overwhelming, especially by myself.  I’m trying to find a better job for baby and I, trying to figure out what to do about an apartment (living with my mother), my car is old and has problems that need fixed with money I don’t have at the moment.  I’m a pretty healthily positive person mostly from having to raise myself emotionally.  But with my hormones making me want to punch people in the face for being rude and being under stressful circumstances, I feel like I’m never able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I mean, believe it or not, I’ve actually been in worse situations but I’m mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and wish I could catch a break.

    July 7, 2017 at 8:05 am #156806
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ashley:

    “When will things get better?” is the title of your thread. Will you be “able to see the light at the end of the tunnel”?

    Healing from the emotional abuse you suffered from both of your parents who “have negative narcissistic personalities” has been on and off, correct? You felt good after the last stay at the mental unit, following your Jan 2016 attempt “learning how to heal from emotional abuse and starting therapy.”-

    But then life kept getting in the way, and  you are living with your mother and in otherwise trying circumstances and it is overwhelming.

    For things to get better, to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, it takes ongoing, continuous healing work, not the stop and go kind, but ongoing. To be engaged in healing day in and day out, for as long as it takes, requires that we make thoughtful choices regarding the circumstances of our lives: where we live, with whom, how we support ourselves, who we interact with, and so on. The circumstances of our lives have to be such that allow and encourage healing.

    Learning skills, such as being assertive, and practicing it will help you greatly.

    Do you have plans regarding how to mother your child; how to be a good enough mother to your child?

    anita

    July 7, 2017 at 8:39 am #156824
    Ashley
    Participant

    It’s more of a matter of staying in the right state of mind.  Life is a continuous struggle but we all just need someone to just really listen to us sometimes without the lecture.  That’s what I appreciate about good therapists.  But therapists aren’t our friends.  Sometimes our friends are busy with their own little families and such and may not have time for us.  That’s when it helps to be self sufficient.  I think the thing that I’m actually beginning to realize that I’m missing is support but not from the people that I know truly care about me but from the wrong people.  That’s when I let things bring me down.  At the end of the day, everything is going to be ok.  I have my health, a decent job and family and friends that may be pains in the butt sometimes but so can I.  Things are working out.

    July 7, 2017 at 8:52 am #156828
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Ashley,

    I wanted to reply to your first e-mail, and the title of your thread “when will things get better”?

    But your 2nd post confused me, and I’m not sure if you are still wanting advice? Is your 2nd post saying things “are better” now?

     

    July 7, 2017 at 9:01 am #156832
    Ashley
    Participant

    I think my first post was more of me venting my emotions at that time and my second post is after I had processed everything that I had been feeling.  So, yes, lol, I’m better now and if you have any positive support you’d like to share with me, feel free! Thanks!

    July 7, 2017 at 9:19 am #156842
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Ashley:

    I believe you asserted yourself in your second post where you wrote that you “need someone to just really listen to us sometimes without the lecture”, and so, I would  like to respect your assertion, your clear statement about what you need here. I can do so by attentively reading your sharing, then repeating what you share, perhaps, using my own words, so to let you know I understand what you shared (and giving you the opportunity to correct my understanding, clarify or add), without asking you questions or making suggestions. If you would like me to do that, let me know.

    anita

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