Home→Forums→Relationships→When to start dating
- This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 8 months ago by
Poppyxo.
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March 9, 2017 at 9:14 pm #138677
AnonymousInactiveI am almost two months out of my break up with the person I thought I would be with forever. I miss him dearly, but know we aren’t right for each other.
I keep getting this urge to just date right away because I can’t stand the loneliness.
I joined a dating site, but didn’t put up any pictures yet. But of the guys that I start talking to, I will send them a picture and they will stop talking to me. I don’t think I’m ‘ugly’, but this rejection over my looks is breaking my heart and it makes me feel even more alone, and wishing I was still with my ex. I just don’t know how to be by myself and have faith that I will meet someone great who will love me unconditionally.
March 9, 2017 at 10:04 pm #138681
Tsveta BorissovaParticipantDear Heartbrokengirl, I don’t have to see your picture to be sure of your loveliness. It’s been six months since my break up. And he left me because he didn’t find me attractive anymore. We are in no way “ugly”. We are, YOU are a beautiful and unique woman. There’s no one like you. That makes you more beautiful that you realize. And I don’t know if there is a strict formula for getting out on the dating scene again. I do understand so well your loneliness. I feel like I was created to be a part of a team. Two people, together. Loving and supporting each other through the good and the bad. I refuse to give up. So you shouldn’t either. Recently someone told me that the right guy will come along. And when that happens, he will make you believe in yourself and your beauty. He will shower you with his love, and you would wonder at the moments of despair and self doubt. As if they were a part of a bad dream. So lift your head up my Beautiful, and keep going. Take care of yourself and precious heart. For Life is too good of a gift for us to sit and wallow, waiting it’s glorious moments.
With lots of support and hugs
March 10, 2017 at 2:42 am #138695
PoppyxoParticipantHeartbrokengurl,
You have answered your own question, read this carefully “I keep getting this urge to just date right away because I can’t stand the loneliness.” Please, please, please do not search for somebody else to fill this loneliness gap.
Work on yourself and then when you are ready to find someone because you want to find a companion to love, THEN date. Don’t date because you are lonely as you will only attract similar people that are lonely too and usually this is a recipe for disaster. You need to work on yourself, you need to learn to love yourself so this loneliness subsides and you begin to enjoy your own company. You cannot rely on other people to take this loneliness away, only you can do this.
Read this book – its helped me tremendously – Self Compassion by Kristin Neff
March 10, 2017 at 7:17 am #138803AnonymousGuestDear heartbrokengurl:
Ugly is disrespectful, abusive behavior. In its ugliest, it is the hurting of an innocent child.
Ugliness is not in the size or shape of facial features, it is not in the looks. It is in the behavior. As you evaluate candidates for dating in the dating website, look for ugliness- is a guy clearly disrespecting you? Do not proceed. If you meet a guy and he verbally abuses you in any way, do not date him again.
Do watch for ugliness- you can’t see it in a photo though. Watch for it elsewhere.
anita
March 10, 2017 at 11:06 pm #138945AnonymousInactiveThank you both. When i see myself say it or write it, it’s obvious to me that I just need to work on myself. I just want that in love feeling again.
There is someone that Im interested, and have had my eye on for a while actually, but he works at the same place, and he has a/recent girlfriend. I haven’t been this attracted to some one in a very long time. We only really say hi in the kitchen or hallways, we havent had a real conversation, only because I’m extremely shy and I don’t know how to talk to him without making it obvious that I’m into him.
Part of myself I need to work on while being single, is being more bold as Im very socially awkward, and it makes dating really hard for me.
March 11, 2017 at 5:14 am #138959AnonymousGuestDear Heartbrokengurl:
Being socially awkward is not a life sentence. With practice, incrementally, gradually, little by little you can become bold, it is very possible. You can use the dating website to practice this very thing, but take on a very patient attitude, small expectations, see it as an opportunity to practice new behaviors.
anita
March 11, 2017 at 12:36 pm #139005AnonymousInactiveThanks Anita.
I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone and out of this funk and remain positive.
I’m a little discouraged however trying to imagine a new, loving relationship, as it takes me a long time to build a connection to someone. I feel like I won’t be able to have a family and kids at my age with how long it does take me. I want to believe that there’s someone out there for me, but having hope is so hard right now.
March 11, 2017 at 12:47 pm #139009AnonymousGuestDear Heartbrokengurl:
If I remember correctly, you are 34 (?)- you can make it in two years, if you work at it every day, by 36 you can be married and get pregnant. And I am generous with my time estimation, I believe. There will be work afterward, but enough can be done in two years to get your dream jump started.
I don’t believe in magic. I believe in science. It is not about waiting for a “soul mate” and for “the universe” to make things happen in your life. YOU make things happen by daily work. So, start the work!
Take on the internet dating like a science project, starting with a simple, authentic and inviting profile. You can post it here if you’d like input on it.
anita
March 13, 2017 at 1:58 am #139173PoppyxoParticipantHeartbrokengurl,
Please don’t involve yourself in a man at work who has a girlfriend. How will this help you?
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