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When should I tell her?

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  • March 9, 2015 at 12:28 pm #73756
    Mark
    Participant

    I read once in a Jung book “The confrontation with the shadow turns the apprentice into a disciple, but the confrontation with the anima turns the disciple into a master”.
    Not long ago I confronted my shadow, but after that I still felt like something was missing. And now I know what I’m missing. The fear that I still have towards unknown people (strangers) is just the reflection of my fear towards the rejection of the anima/girl I like. And when interpreting my dreams turns out to be my biggest fear, which is yet to be faced.
    However, I do have a real question. My lack of self-esteem and confidence which is produced by past experiences of rejection and my physical situation (I think I’m really fat when I’m just a couple pounds overweight) used to bring me down. Now, as I confronted half of my shadow, I can be optimistic, and have started doing exercise (again) and know 100% sure that I will be successful in my goal this time. Even though I am back to being myself, I can’t help but notice I haven’t been filled with love. My question is then “Should I start talking to her again (after 3 months of not talking to her)? Or should I wait for around 3 months (until I’m mentally and physically thin) to have a false sense of security in confronting my fears (supposing she doesn’t talk to me first during this time)?

    March 10, 2015 at 12:03 am #73785
    George
    Participant

    Dear Mark

    I lost you there with the jungian terminology.
    I believe you mean by shadow yourself and by anima the otherself, your soulmate, or less romantically put, the other human being you wish to connect with.

    It is a good thing you confronted your shadow. But what was the aftermath of the confrontation. You say you lack the confidence and self esteem you wish for yourself. What did you gain by standing up to your shadow? Optimism? Optimism is a feeling we have that a situation we are involved with that doesn’t fulfill us will pass and a better situation will take it’s place. If i understand you have trouble accepting your physical image right now and have gained the optimism that you will change it. While it is good to feel healthy, ask yourself if you are changing your appearance towards a goal that it is not yours but a goal that this girl wishes for her boyfriend.

    Above all you must accept yourself for what you are, not only what you aspire to be. Because you are unique.

    So should you talk to her now or three months later? Insecurity is a durable feeling.
    You may have six-pack abs and still feel insecure. I think acceptance is the key word.
    Accept yourself. It is a proccess that takes time.
    That way you will care less if someone rejects you because the most important person in the world, you, will have accepted himself.
    Maybe they really hurt you, whoever rejected you in the past. But they were wrong. You deserve to be loved. Find people you don’t have to try to be accepted. We shouldn’t try too hard for these things! All it takes to be accepted is to smile and know a good joke or two!

    “Those who mind, don’t matter and those who matter, don’t mind” said Dr. Seuss. And his right!
    Hope this helped

    Take care
    George

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by George.
    March 10, 2015 at 4:10 am #73789
    Mark
    Participant

    Thanks you for replying George. You have helped me to see the answer that was in me this entrire time. Although I didn’t express my question very well I certanly found the answer. All I want to add is that I am halfway to inner peace. I have learned to controll my anger, anxiety, and every emotion except one, fear. I can feel good about myself even without doing exercise, but in the past I had no goals, and setting goals is very important in everyone’s life. Doing exercise and other things (that I considered suffering some time ago) are nothing to me now, only parts of life which I now enjoy doing. I know that I know, yet I still have one last step, which is filling myself with love and at the same time getting rid of the fear. Then I will be complete. I can’t go through my entire story with this girl, but I know what the answer is, so there’s no point in pointing it out if you catch my drift 😉
    Therefore I will now go on with my life as intended and go forth to conquer my inner fears, to go towards the waves as a ship does, as everyone should do…
    Again, thank you George and see you the next time 🙂
    Mark

    March 10, 2015 at 5:30 am #73796
    George
    Participant

    Dear Mark

    I am glad you are following your path. You act as you see fit.
    Fear derives from the fear of rejection sometimes. It is so hard and unfair to be rejected. I relate to what you feel. But eventually, by being you, Mark, enjoying your life as you do now, you will find people (and that girl, whoever it may be) that you get along with. I believe that.

    Let me just say this and i’ ll leave you at peace. Goals are important, but more important is enjoying your goals…

    Take care friend
    George

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by George.
    March 10, 2015 at 9:33 am #73801
    Will
    Participant

    I don’t know much about shadows and anima and what not, but I do know one thing: There is nothing, not one thing, that needs to be put off until one is thin. If you’d do it if you were thin, you can do it now.

    Thinness, you see, is highly overrated.

    As an aside, if you’re in a researchey mood, look into something called the arrival fallacy. Because I fear that might be something that’ll bite you in the behind one of these days.

    Good luck on your path, all my best wishes to you.

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