Dear Laure,

Please allow me to share some simple lessons that I am glad I have learnt in the years after age 20, though I’m not so far from it.

1. Life goes on: I remember being heartbroken at 21 and feeling the need to run away and almost planned my life around escaping the hurt and the person. I thought that was the only way I could regain a sense of normalcy and find healing. But a year later I realised it didn’t hurt so bad and 2 years later it was just an uncomfortable thought. 7 years later? It is just something that happened in my life. The point is,life goes on. Nothing remains as it is today. Whenever I am faced with difficult situations, I just remind myself that in a year I will be able to look back and see how it has changed anyhow, so dwelling on the current difficulty is just part of the phase. It will change. You will feel better. You will love again and wonder why you were so affected by this person who rejected you. You can teach yourself, lovingly, to let go. With that in mind…

2. Put yourself first: Make your decision to stay or go based on what YOU, and only you want. I think you already know what you want and why based on your post. The ‘what ifs’ you mentioned are things that are outside of your control and you won’t know the answers until you take the step you are considering. Look into what you’ve written and identify all the reasons there. Listen to your heart and trust the truth you have put in words.

3. Push past the fear: I know life changing decisions are SCARY (dear Lord, I know), but I often reason to myself that “Anything is better than this”, so any change I make will be better. Even if I don’t get the results I expect, I will know the answers to “what if I did this thing?”, and, “what’s the worst that could happen?”.

4. Now is the time: You are young, time is on your side. Follow your dreams, immerse yourself in your passions… live fully and freely. You will make mistakes that will become lessons. Embrace the unknown whole-heartedly. If going to another state could possibly be the key to figuring out what would make me happy, then I’d go.

I hope my banter helps you in some way and I wish you all the best.

Love,

Nicholene

If you’ve found something you love and you’re somewhere you’re unhappy, close your eyes, hold your breath and take the plunge. Scary as it is, if this is what will make you happy, you will find a way to make it work. When I moved in with my boyfriend, I was the only one working, so he moved to my town [a place I hate] and I remember figuring everything out and having a panic attack because it was so uncertain. My mom used her time tested wisdom ‘if you have any doubt you don’t really want to do it’. That snapped me back to reality, I wanted to move in with him in the apartment [which I love] I was scared of the unknown. It’s been over a year, while I don’t have much, I have enough.

Regarding your beau, ignore him. When I was 20 I was in a ‘relationship’ with a guy who used and abused me mentally. Despite the way he treated me I kept coming back hoping he would accept me. I don’t know your situation, but when we broke up I wanted him back in my life and I couldn’t imagine a life where we weren’t even friends. 5 years later I’m shocked how much time I spent on him. Maybe you two just drifted apart, maybe he cheated, whatever happened, look at it as a blessing, you are free to find your passion, to figure out who you are and what you want. If you were with him, you will probably take one step forward and two steps back so you’re both on the same page.