What's the solution? - Tiny Buddha

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This topic has 34 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 10 months ago by Anonymous.

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May 27, 2020 at 11:07 am #357013
Anonymous
Guest
* Dear Jan:

I read your reply to me and I disagree with your evaluation of the situation. If the OP does post again on this thread, or start a new thread, I will refrain from responding because I made myself as clear as possible on this thread and I have nothing to add. You are welcome of course to reply to him and to any other member, expressing your understanding of this or that other person’s situation.

When I disagree with another member’s input, I don’t state: I disagree with (name of member), proceeding to criticize the other member’s input. Instead, I offer my sincere input independently of other members’ input. I suggest you do the same.

anita
- This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by .
May 27, 2020 at 12:39 pm #357020

Sofat
Participant

Thank you Jan and Anita. This is a forum and we are here to just talk and solve our problems in the first place! Talking harshly is not what I’m looking for. I’m here to tell my story. I’m a human! You’re a human! We both make mistakes like the harshly speaking of you! Criticizing and harshly speaking makes one feel worse! Thank you Jan. I don’t intend to write anything here any longer! But your response made me rethink! I can still find some hope!

May 27, 2020 at 12:45 pm #357022

Sofat
Participant

If you remove someone’s comment or whatever, this is not freedom in speech or expressing one’s idea! As Jan said right, I never had sex with her. She’s 20 right now! She’s mature enough to make decisions.

May 27, 2020 at 12:55 pm #357023

Jan
Participant

“When I disagree with another member’s input, I don’t state: I disagree with (name of member), proceeding to criticize the other member’s input. Instead, I offer my sincere input independently of other members’ input.”

When the other member’s input is harsh, judgmental and unhelpful, that needs calling out.

“I suggest you do the same.”

Suggest all you want, if I believe another member is in the wrong I will say so for the sake of the original poster. They are often very vulnerable people. You give a lot of advice on here, much of it good, but sometimes you are way off beam.

May 27, 2020 at 12:57 pm #357024

Jan
Participant

If you’re still around, Sofat, I’m glad you seem to have got something positive out of my comments. As you say, you still have hope – of course you do. Not with her, she is not good for you, but with someone else – yes! 🙂

May 27, 2020 at 1:41 pm #357026

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sofat:

Upon further thinking, I realize that I made a few mistakes in my replies to you and I apologize for those. I was quick to anger, to assume and to jump to conclusions. One of my mistakes was to call what you did child sexual abuse.

The wrong that you did was to pursue a personal relationship with your minor age student, and worse: a romantic relationship. It is paramount that teachers keep their relationships with their students professional at all times.

anita

May 28, 2020 at 11:55 am #357090

Sofat
Participant

Dear Jan

ThankTThank you for your sympathy. I live in a country where it’s not an unpleasant thing to get married your student. I mean that’s not a weird thing. The point is that she continues saying hi and calling from time to time. You know, to enter university she should pass an exam, I mean an entrance exam. That’s why she stopped sending message last year. She only wanted to focus on her studies. After 9 months, she texted me and we talked. I should find a closure. I mean, I should find an excuse to move on. She called me the other day and said someone had proposed her. He’s an employee and blah blah blah. I said so what? You just say other people propose you qnd you still call me? Is this a normal thing? I think she’s still too young and she doesn’t know what’s going on!

May 28, 2020 at 12:00 pm #357091

Sofat
Participant

The only thing she says when her actions doesn’t make sense is “this days I’m really nervous. My family put a lot of pressure on me!” And I say ok! But when you love someone you shouldn’t even think about someone else! I mean it’s just abnormal to have someone and at the same time thinking about someone else!

May 29, 2020 at 12:13 am #357130

Jan
Participant

Dear Sofat

I’m so pleased that you seem to be in a much better place now, emotionally, and are able to question this girl’s motives and keep her at arm’s length. Now, rather than trying to figure out why she’s doing what she’s doing, next time she calls make it clear that you don’t want to hear from her again, wish her well, and stop taking her calls if she won’t stop calling. Move on, my friend, and find someone you can build a real relationship with.

all the best

Jan

June 1, 2020 at 2:44 am #357352

Sofat
Participant

Hi Jan,

It’s been a week now since I talked to her. I’m accepting that she’s not the girl I am looking for. I have made up my mind. Ignoring is the best strategy, I think.

June 5, 2022 at 2:53 pm #401855

Sofat
Participant

Hello Anita and Jan. Hope you guys are doing well. Actually, I’ve been through a lot in these two years. She married a rich man who is 12 years older. I moved on the time that I posted here. Whether good or not it passed. So many ups and downs and too frustrated.

June 5, 2022 at 4:57 pm #401860

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sofat:

Welcome back to your thread two years and four days since your last post. Do share about your “many ups and downs and too frustrated” state of mind and life, will you?

anita

June 6, 2022 at 2:36 am #401869

Sofat
Participant

Sure. Actually, I lost my dad & mom within six months. These two years were the toughest moments of my life. I couldn’t eat or focus on my life, so I decided to immigrate to another country. The issues of getting visa also added to my burdens. And that girl showed up once in a while but I ignored her. Finally one of my friends told me that she married someone who is a banker and is rich.

June 6, 2022 at 7:19 am #401872

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Sofat:

I am sorry for your loss, for losing both your parents! I hope that the issue of the visa is settled, or that it’s in the way of being settled. Do you have any family or friends in the new country?

anita

June 7, 2022 at 5:54 pm #401929

Sofat
Participant

Thanks Anita for your sympathy. It is settled and now I’m in a completely different country. By different, I mean cultural, ethnical and so on. No I don’t have any friends here. I’m still in shock. I know I need to move on and live with their dreams. But they were all I had.
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