Dear Simon:

“I don’t know where to stop with this it seems I’m writing my life story” – keep writing it, a bit at a time, when it’s quiet around you and you are not rushed. Write your story as clearly as you can, one sentence at a time with punctuation, and a period at the end.

No reason to rush, there is no time-limit or length-limit on any one post and no limit on number of posts per thread that I know about: there are threads on these forums with more than a 100 pages per thread. Your thread is only on its 2nd page.

anita

Dear Simon:

“Can this recounting of my life help?” – I don’t think it can hurt. It may help.

“It’s just good to talk it all through” – good to talk is a good thing.

“I always feel I need a definitive answer to my life problems” – you don’t yet have a definitive answer at 49. I imagine that you rushed the search for such an answer many times before and failed to find your answer. The problem is in the rushing. Give your search for a definitive answer some time, be patient.

anita

Dear Simon:

Stop rushing and you will get wiser and wiser. Do you want to elaborate (not in rushing manner, please!) on the “I feel it’s all a pretence”?

anita

Dear Simon:

“I just don’t know whether I was or am doing it for the right reasons and motives” – without figuring right or wrong, what were your reasons and motives in making the major life choices that you have made so far, in your life?

anita

Dear Simon:

As a child, when did you feel most alone: when staying in your grandparents’ home? In your aunt’s home? In your mother’s bed as your father slept in the other room? Or when your great uncle babysat you while your parents were out?

Did you feel more alone when with your father, or when you were with your mother?

anita

Dear Simon:

Imagine having someone to talk to now, what would you say?

anita

Dear Simon:

In your original post, you wrote: “on the outside you’d see mr successful father husband good guy but I’m so low so so lonely and I’m out of ideas to keep the pretence going” –

– is it that you pretended to care about anything or anyone while you only cared about not being alone? That is, your life is not about anyone or anything other than the panicked rush to not be left alone?

anita