Home→Forums→Relationships→What to do with this "one-way" friendship
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Anonymous.
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July 23, 2017 at 8:18 am #159686
Anonymous
GuestDear Kaylon:
It is clear throughout your post that you thoroughly and consistently dislike this man. This is not congruent with a friendship. Because you don’t have to be in contact with him (he is not a co worker, a roommate or such), you … well, you don’t have to. I would end contact with him, and spend my time with people I like, and hopefully, he can spend his time texting and otherwise with people who may like him.
anita
July 23, 2017 at 9:34 am #159706Eliana
ParticipantHi Kaylon,
I would cut off all contact with him. It is violation of code of conduct for a Professor to be engaged with any student, other than the purpose of a classroom setting. If he is tenured professor and “found out” he could lose his job and reputation. If he is lonely, there are alot of things he can do without engaging with his students.
Please change your number. Tell him firmly you do not want this to continue. If he approaches you before or after class, politely excuse yourself and say there is somewhere you have to be. Don’t have any interaction, such as texting, personal talk, sharing of pictures with him. If he wants to show you a picture, just politely decline and say you have to be somewhere. Soon he will get the hint, but please have your phone number changed.
July 23, 2017 at 10:52 am #159740Kaylon
ParticipantHi Anita,
Thank you! I was debating if I should talk with him before ending any contact with him. However, I’m not sure what I can do say because I never enjoyed any sort of interaction with him.
July 23, 2017 at 11:15 am #159744Kaylon
ParticipantHi Eliana,
Thanks for the advice. I have graduated from school. I doubt I’ll ever see him in my rest of my life.
Speaking of the code of conduct, I just remembered he once came to me about a student. He had agreed to write a recommendation letter for the student. However, he changed his mind. He ended up writing a nasty letter about the student. He asked me if the committee would pay attention to negative letters. I told him to talk with the student and perhaps say no if he couldn’t recommend the student. The professor told me he didn’t think the student deserved the chance to be considered and that life should teach him a lesson and he might be the one giving him the lesson. He said he had met his family as well and criticized the family and the student. I said that was about the student’s future and I didn’t have the right to comment on this situation. Then he sent that letter to my email (with the student’s name hidden). I read the letter and felt nobody deserved to be commented like that in a recommendation letter. I told him the letter sounded very harsh to me and he should rethink about sending it. He said he had made up his mind. (Why did he come to me if he Had made up his mind???)
Now every time I think of this, I feel very sorry for the student. The professor obviously had anger toward the student. And he directly used his “power” to ruin (in some extent) the student’s future. On the other hand, I don’t think he’s allowed to share that letter with me in the first place, even with the student’s name hidden.
July 24, 2017 at 6:30 am #159856Eliana
ParticipantHi Kaylon,
If it were me, I would take that letter and any other evidence to the Dean of the college. I think the professor definitely overstepped his and violated ethics and boundaries and have you and the other student distress. Being in College is difficult enough..but that is me. Any kind of disciplinary action, will stop him from doing this again with future students. Just thinking about this, makes me mad, as I am a college graduate, and never had a Professor do this to me or anyone I know. But like you said, you are not going to this school anymore, and do not have to see him again, thank goodness. I think you handled it very well.
July 24, 2017 at 6:41 am #159858Anonymous
GuestDear Kaylon:
You are welcome. I wonder what he wrote in that letter or recommendation- what were his complaints about the student?
You wrote in your original post: “I find myself forcing the conversations and forcing myself to pay attention to him more than half of the time when he talks.”- I wonder why you forced yourself to endure his presence in your life?
anita
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