HomeâForumsâRelationshipsâWhat to do when he becomes distant?
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June 20, 2015 at 9:04 am #78515LotusFlowerInTheMudParticipant
I have been in a long distance relationship for just under 2 years. For the first year+ he was the most loving, sweet, caring, and fun boyfriend. We communicated daily through text, call, and would Skype almost every other day. I was extremely happy and felt that he was the one.
But over the past few months, things have changed.
He has gotten very busy with school, projects, and starting a business. I am happy for him and want him to achieve his dreams, but I feel neglected and lonely as we barely communicate anymore. We barely text, call, or Skype. I feel that I am initiating everything and that I am the only one who puts in effort. And every time we do talk he is so distracted and thinking of other things. I used to feel so loved and now I just feel like I am not a priority.
To be fair, he still replies when I text or call, and does still say âI love youâ but lately I have been wondering if he means it, because actions speak louder than wordsâŚ
I have tried telling him what I need as well as being patient and trying to understand his situation but at the end of the day I feel so sad and neglectedâŚ
I am conflicted about whether I should just be patient and understanding of his situation or if I should push further and try to communicate my needs. Does anyone have any advice? I kind of donât want to communicate my needs anymore, as I have tried, and we speak so rarely that I feel like anytime we do talk I always mention more âseriousâ things which I am sure he doesnât enjoyâŚ
June 20, 2015 at 11:49 pm #78552AlomaParticipantlotuslotus,
Iâm sorry that youâre going through this. It must be doubly frustrating to be far away from each other and have him become more distant.
No relationship is ever going to be perfect. There will be times when you have to make compromises. There will be rough times and better times. But youâre right: actions do speak louder than words. Effort and communication should go both ways and be open and honest. I feel like after almost 2 years together and talking regularly, you should definitely be able to talk about serious things like the future, and him being distant in the relationship. What’s missing from your post is his feelings. Besides saying he loves you, has he told you how he feels about being together? Does he say he doesn’t want to talk about it? Just be strong and brave and have this serious conversation! Itâs not fair to you or him to keep acting like everything is ok when itâs not. Itâs super stressful for you, and he may be wondering why youâre asking for attention. Not saying anything is the quickest way to have your feelings hurt even more and possibly start resenting him for hurting you. May I suggest you consider three things? 1: Be honest with yourself about what you want in this relationship and how it makes you feel (it sounds like youâve already done this). 2: Be honest with him, and give him the same opportunity to express his feelings and needs. Tell him why this is important to you. Agree on a good time to have a serious talk. Be honest with your answers to his questions, and ask him to be honest when answering your questions. 3: I donât have a better way of putting this- know what youâre willing to put up with and what you wonât compromise on. For example: If he consistently doesnât change something he said he would, doesnât have a good reason, or always has an excuse; know when enough is enough for you.
Maybe he is just busy but he should be truthful about what these new activities in his life mean for your relationship together. A really good quote I read somewhere: âA relationship isnât about who you were in the beginning but who you become when youâre together.â
Instead of thinking of how things were in the beginning and before he was busy (because things are usually great during those times), ask if you like who you are when youâre with him, and if you like who he is now and how he treats you after 2 years. Best of luck my dear!
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