- This topic has 27 replies, 15 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by
PathOfPeace.
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February 7, 2015 at 7:47 pm #72492
AshleyParticipantJust remember, whatever you decide about your long-term goals, the span of time is a choice you can make. Life happens and it can spoil a life you were satisfied with. From experience living without much application to one’s life, I know how it feels to be trapped by uncertainty to change. However, learning to trust your adaptabilities to those changes will give you things in life that you couldn’t have imagined. You can decide to teach for a few years and when you think you have given all your heart towards the purpose of teaching than I don’t see why it wouldn’t be necessary to move on. Although it’s frightening to seek or make changes in life, realistically the challenges are worth time and effort to make them; imagine how good it’s going to be to start now and not holding yourself down! Tracking or writing your progression down might help. Jerry Seinfeld writes one chain to mark what he wanted to achieve for the day so if he breaks the chain he will know. My heart goes out to you to find what you feel that lays closest to your heart 🙂 GOOD LUCK! 🙂
February 8, 2015 at 1:36 pm #72501
JerrisParticipantWanting to make changes in your life is frightening. It’s much easier said than done. It’s like I know that I want a change, but I don’t know what that change is or where to begin. Like, I know what I don’t want in life, but at the same time I don’t know what I want. And I also think part of my problem is that I want things to go perfectly every time. And I guess this fear of failure is just stopping me from even trying anything. It’s just that my life right now is sort of monotonous. And I don’t necessarily want a life that’s like an action movie, but I think I need a change of scenery or something.
And it’s not just the fact that I live in a bit of a dull town, it’s also that I feel so inadequate compared to everyone else around. Even at my job, I just feel so small and I’m 24. I just feel like I need to be on my own for a while. I guess it’s just that I know that I can’t make a change unless I get out of my comfort zone, and I HATE my comfort zone, and I’m scared, but I’m just itching to leave.February 8, 2015 at 1:57 pm #72502JerrisParticipantI know that people say “be happy with where you are now”. I know that but, it’s hard when you hate your job (I know I’m not the only one though), and you feel like you can’t really live the life you want to be living. I just want to be at a place in my life where I’m truly happy with where I’m at and I’d like to experience this feeling before I turn 50. It’s just that living with overbearing parents who are hard to talk to just makes it even more stressful. It’s like everywhere I turn, someone is always telling me what to do and undermining my decisions. If I say I want to teach abroad for a year someone will say (mainly my mother) “I don’t think that’s such a good idea” or “I wouldn’t do that with everything going on” or “just get the teaching certificate first and find a job with health insurance”. I feel like if I don’t really live for a little while I’m young I’m going to miss out and end up regretting not going with my gut feelings.
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This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by
Jerris.
February 10, 2015 at 1:31 pm #72595
JeffParticipantI made an account just to post this.
From one 24 year old to another…you seriously need to go do what ever it is you want to do.
I’m 24 years old and up until a year ago, was absolutely miserable. I hated my life, I hated my job, my parents were stressing me out an making me feel like a failure. I dropped out of college after a year and got a job as a manager at a local movie theater…I was stuck in a rut until I got laid off last spring…I was freaking out, I wasn’t even good enough to keep around a movie theater…I was depressed. I had lived in the same town my whole life, still had the same friends since middle school…still saw the same people every single day…had overbearing parents making me feel like a failure. “maybe you should go back to school”, “your brother didn’t do this”.
There was only one thing in life I knew I wanted 100%, and that was to live at the beach…So after about a month of being laid off, I said screw it and moved to the beach…I had no plan, found a place to live on craigslist, had just 6 months worth of rent to support myself, no job. I think I had about 7 jobs within the first 3 months of living here. I fell into a pretty cool job taking care of horses and was on the way to becoming an assistant horse trainer at a ranch, but had to quit for health reasons. I was unemployed for about a month after I left the horse job. I was getting desperate and was about to just take the first restaurant job I could fine.
Then I saw a random ad on craigslist, it was a bicycle shop needing help to build bikes…I like to build things and they said they would train the right person so I sent in a resume. They ended up hiring me and it’s been the greatest job I’ve ever had. Never in a million years would have thought I would end up at a bike shop, I hadn’t even ridden a bike since I was probably 12. 6 months later, I’m a manager, control a product line, and pretty much work my own hours and get to do a lot of networking and events.
You might think…ok a bike shop, you don’t make real money, etc, etc. Well I make more than most college graduates I know including my girlfriend who is an english teacher.
It’s all about just opening yourself up to any and all possibilities. If you want to go abroad, go do it. Just don’t limit yourself once you’re there. There may be some life altering opportunity that presents itself that you would have never even thought about doing. Take a chance. I was scared shitless about moving, but in the back of my mind, I knew I had to do it.
Best of luck to you!
February 11, 2015 at 1:19 pm #72642
LoreleiParticipantHello, I am in a very similar situation as you!
I will be 24 in a few days, I have graduated from college, am living with my parents & am applying to teach in South Korea right now! First of all, congratulations on graduating and choosing to do something – honestly doing ANYthing – I think is just so important, especially as we are young & trying to figure out where we are happy and what we want to do.
I have lived abroad already twice (studying abroad & as an au pair, gone 7 & 8 months respectively). This time was really important for me, & can honestly say I am not the same & will never be the same because of it. I have issues with my mother specifically, & struggle with anger management (really). It is only with my mom – when I was away both times, I could see/feel my potential to live differently than I thought possible. I thought I was nothing more than a monster with how I would get so angry with my own mother, but each time, the anger was more or less gone (unless Skyping with my mom, but this is about you, not me!). I also dealt with my mom really interfering with my decisions, which resulted in my breaking up with a boyfriend that I love(d) whom I still have feelings for over a year later.
It was an incredibly freeing time. I could see more clearly when I was away, that even though I blamed my mom, for example, for breaking up with my boyfriend, in the end it was my decision. I chose to listen, & run with her advice. You can hear your family out, because they do (most likely) just want you to be safe & happy. But at the end of the day, no matter what anyone says, you know best what experiences you need/are looking for & what is going to make you feel alive, fulfilling your purpose.
I couldn’t find the exact video, but I LOVE this girl’s YouTube channel. She is a black British gal teaching in South Korea, & she has a great video about her family disapproving of her moving abroad – sorry I couldn’t find it, but dig through & you should come across it. I think it could help or at least be comforting for your big move.
https://www.youtube.com/user/MySoKoAdventure
Don’t let anyone stop you from doing what you have to do for yourself. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.
Best of luck!!!
February 18, 2015 at 11:50 am #72955JerrisParticipantThank you Lorelei. It’s really nice to know that I’m not alone in this. And thank you for recommending me her channel. I’m subscribed to two other channels. https://www.youtube.com/user/charlycheer and hers https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM00hJktyOugG0IKZ7K21iQ
I haven’t really started the process of teaching abroad like getting paperwork and whatnot. I don’t think I have enough money to take yet. But if you don’t mind would you share how you’re going about finding a job and how you’re going through the whole process. Thanks.March 26, 2015 at 5:07 am #73303
lexy99Participant@CherryBlossomGirl said:
Wanting to make changes in your life is frightening. It’s much easier said than done. It’s like I know that I want a change, but I don’t know what that change is or where to begin. Like, I know what I don’t want in life, but at the same time I don’t know what I want. And I also think part of my problem is that I want things to go perfectly every time. And I guess this fear of failure is just stopping me from even trying anything. It’s just that my life right now is sort of monotonous. And I don’t necessarily want a life that’s like an action movie, but I think I need a change of scenery or something.
And it’s not just the fact that I live in a bit of a dull town, it’s also that I feel so inadequate compared to everyone else around. Even at my job, I just feel so small and I’m 24. I just feel like I need to be on my own for a while. I guess it’s just that I know that I can’t make a change unless I get out of my comfort zone, and I HATE my comfort zone, and I’m scared, but I’m just itching to leave.Hi Jerris,
I feel exactly like you right now. Im going to be 25 next week and am not where i want to be. The trouble is making the changes to get where i want to be is bloody terrifying!! I also want things to go perfectly first time so making any decision is scary in case of ‘what if’. I still live at home with my parents and really want to move out and get my life started but at the same time am too scared to leave home. And dont worry, i bet my job is even more inadequate than yours and my only other option atm is to work in a coffee shop!!
My advice would be to do what your heart and gut tells you. These are often more right than the head is. Making ANY decision, ANY change at the moment is good. Even saying ‘I will move and teach abroad by the end of 2015’. You have made that decision and it gives you something to aim for.
For me, I might be going back to my old job at a coffee shop to work up to manager and im worried about what people will think of me but the way im trying to see it that this is my life, my decision and no-one elses. You are the one that has to live your with choices, not your mother. And if you go and it doesnt work out and you have to come home, thats fine. In fact, thats better than doing what your mother wants you to do, and in 20 years when you have a mortgage and kids to pay for, looking back and kicking yourself for not going.
Good luck!
March 27, 2015 at 5:12 pm #74541JerrisParticipantThank you for your reply. It’s hard when you have a somewhat controlling/overprotective mother. But unlike most of my friends, I didn’t leave home to go to college (crappy ACT scores). So I’ve lived with my parents for 24 years and I’m the only girl. When I was in college my mother was bearable since I didn’t have to see her all the time (she worked and I was busy with school and extracurricular activities). But when I graduated she retired, so now I see her ALL DAY EVERY DAY. And I want to make sure I spend time with her, but something’s got to give.
I’m in this teaching program, but I’m not really invested in it. I really want to teach abroad for two reasons 1) To get some teaching experience and 2) To be by myself away from familiar influences. But she doesn’t listen. When I say something, she always goes on a tangent about getting a job with benefits so I can have health insurance. Right now I just don’t want the “conventional life”. But now it’s like she’s making EVERY decision for me. And part of that is that I fear that I’ll end up making the wrong decision and failing miserably, which is why I’m reluctant to tell her that I want to teach abroad. She even waits for me in the parking lot if I’m working late. I know it’s because she cares, but geez!!!
It’s like she won’t let me make my own decisions. I feel like a little kid. She tries to decide how I do my hair and she even tries to decide where I can move to when I do leave. And my fears don’t make the situation better. I fear making the wrong decision, what others think, fear of failing, etc. I could go on and on. I don’t really know how to talk to her or anything. When I say I want to do something she’ll say “well it would be better if you do this” and after all that I don’t even bother with trying to do anything I want to do and I end up quietly seething.
But it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one dealing with this.
April 7, 2015 at 7:20 pm #75044LoreleiParticipantSorry this is coming so late… I came across the video I mentioned earlier & thought of you:
Maybe this will be a little helpful if you haven’t come across it on your own yet.
Of course, I’d love to talk more about Korea! I am using a recruiter that I heard about through a friend, and it seems to be panning out nicely. I actually have an interview coming up very soon and may be starting this summer! 😀
I am really looking forward to having the space away from home, though I am going to miss my cat very much >.<
Add me on FB, perhaps if you’d like to talk more about this (if I am allowed to share that on a forum…?) Same first name, Rogero 🙂
May 10, 2015 at 5:02 am #76531
PathOfPeaceParticipantJerris,
I admire your determination to teach abroad. If I had the guts myself I would love to teach abroad, its a much harder road than what most choose to do. Just shut these other people up by proving them wrong. The world is full of people who want to keep you down because they themselves are down. If you become your dreams, that means they have to face the fact they didnt and its possible.
Much Respect.
May 10, 2015 at 11:48 pm #76573JerrisParticipantThanks for your reply! I am by no means pursuing my dream lol. I’m just too afraid to go through with it, and I’m already heavily invested in this teaching program that I’m in. I really do want to teach abroad, but I’m too afraid of telling my family/friends “I want to teach abroad and that’s that!” I just don’t know what I really want anymore, and the closer it gets to my 25th birthday, the more anxious I get. I know, I know; people say “you’re 25, you should be living!” “you’re an adult now, make your own decisions” “don’t get trapped yet in this endless cycle” etc. It’s just I’m so stressed out and, for the past few years, I feel like I don’t know who I really am. I’ve only been a student, a band member, a member of my church etc. I just feel like teaching abroad and being away from my hometown influence will give me some clarity, but then again, it may not. It also doesn’t help that I have an overbearing mother who wants a say in EVERY aspect of my life, even at 25. I feel like I can’t make my decisions out of fear of what others will think and out of fear of failure.
All my life, I’ve followed the path that was supposed to be guaranteed; make good grades in grade school, go to college, get a good job, move out of parents’ house, get married, and have kids then I’d be all set, but it didn’t turn out that way. I was stressed out in college, going back and forth with the idea of changing my major (I didn’t, but I wish I had). Before college, I said I would never end up working a retail job or something like that. But now that I’m in this dead end retail job, I guess I’m really eating my words. I’m still confused, and in two weeks, I’ll be 25 and confused. I know I’m young, but I just feel like I’m running out of time. I just want to be at a point in my life where I’m not constantly feeling like everyone is talking about me and judging me, where I can make decisions on my own volition without fear of what others think. I just want to be able to live my own life and be at a point where I’m genuinely happy with who I really am and not living a life that someone else is dreaming for me. Sorry this reply is so long, I just needed to get that out.May 11, 2015 at 11:36 am #76607
Gregory HendersonParticipantJerris,
You need to understand one thing, Change is Inevitable in Life, when you change, not if you change, but when you change it will be on your own terms or it will be on the terms of other peoples thoughts of who you should be.
You control the change in your life.
Listen to what the late Steve Jobs co-founder of Apple had to say about it, “Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other opinions drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”Everyone has opinions but you are the only one who knows what you truly want in life, so go for it.
You have stated several time in this discussion that you are African American and that will possibly hinder getting a position over seas. Listen to your inner voice it knows you better than anyone else and it will tell you how unique you really are.
You are the only one on the face of this planet with the fingerprints, brainwave pattern, and DNA you possess. No One, I mean No One has those same three human features exactly like you.
Those three characteristics validate that you are a uniquely special individual and have a purpose to fulfill in this world.
So take heart and with courage go out and discover your full potential in life!!!
You can do this!
And that’s how I see it young lady…
May 16, 2015 at 7:03 am #76857PathOfPeaceParticipantJerris,
Dont worry about the age thing. Im 30 and havent really figured out “My path or road” I need to take either. Some people dont find it out until much much later! Its all good, this is just life. We got one go around at it and you have to enjoy the ride. We could die tomorrow and all the stress was for nothing. Chin up, stay strong and take time to figure out what calls to you. Otherwise you will jump for something and it might take you down the wrong road. Like I have done so many times.
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