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What should i do or what i am doing wrong ?

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #91404
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Issel:

    I read your August post just now and your new post twice. The first year and a half of the relationship with this woman, you told her at the very beginning of that year and a half that you will not marry a woman of a different religion, that is her. Even though you told her that she chose to have a relationship with you. A year and a half into it, she met another guy who showed her interest. So she left you. During that time, and still, she claimed and claims that she wanted marriage with you. That she was committed to you and you were not. At the end of the year and a half, August, you told her you changed your mind and are willing to marry her but she chose to not proceed with you and instead she was with the boyfriend.

    During the time with the boyfriend she called you and told you that she loves you but proceeded to be with him. Now that you and her are together, she is still considering going back to the ex boyfriend or to another guy. She also says she wants you to marry her.

    It seems to me that she is a very confused young woman. It seems to me that she does not know what she wants. I think that her claim that you were not committed to her in the first year and a half is not sincere. I feel that she was not committed to you and that she is still not committed to you. It is my understanding that all along she is the one who had a commitment difficulty, committing to you or to the boyfriend she just left and considering going back to.

    I think that you are setting yourself for another heartache. That is a shame because your pain from August diminished over time. Too bad you are now vulnerable again, vulnerable to a woman who does not know what she wants. I think that the reason she can’t give you a straight answer about why the relationship ended a year and a half ago is because it is not a pretty answer. And I don’t know if she wants to face the reason.

    Did she share with you about her childhood, her relationships with her parents then and now? As life is, answers are there. Share that with me, if you’d like, and we can examine her reasons together, based on her relationships with her parents, past and present.

    anita

    #91412
    Issel
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for your feed back and taking the time read all that. She has very close and healthy relationship with her parents both now and before. I feel like she is still hung up on the fact that if i felt this way about her why did i not make her my girlfriend back when we were seeing each other for a year and half.

    The answer to that is i did not feel the need to say the words “will you be my girlfriend” as I was under the assumption that we were in a relationship based on the way we treated each other. clearly that was not the case. I explained that to her, but she seems to be holding a grudge on that.

    #91454
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Issel:

    The fact that she is holding a grudge against you is not a positive aspect in your relationship with her. A good relationship can not be built with a grudge in its base.

    Am I understanding correctly: she wants you to marry her ASAP and you told her Not Yet. Next she said she may go back to her ex boyfriend or be with a new guy, that is if you don’t marry her immediately, is that so?

    anita

    #91467
    Issel
    Participant

    No,let me try to clarify it. She seems essentially confused with what she wants. She has me who she claims she loves. I am now telling her that I want to be with her and can see myself marrying her at the same time there is her X of 4 months, who also wants to be with her. This is the view of her eyes the way I think she sees it. She never opened up to her X because she was always thinking about me. So for that reason she broke up with him.

    To be honest this is such a mess and it’s so unfortunate that she decided to leave in the first place because we really had something very special. I know based on what’s happening what the logical think to do is but its so hard because I care and lover her so much.

    #91473
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Issel:

    One question (I have more, but just one): Why is she telling you that her x boyfriend wants her back? What is her motivation in telling you that? As well as about another guy who is interested in her. Why is she telling you those things?

    anita

    #91481
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * I don’t want to ask any more questions, or even wait for answers. My point that I want to leave you with is this: you asked, in the title of your thread: “What am I doing wrong?”

    My answer is: maybe you are not doing anything wrong. Maybe she is doing something that is wrong. maybe she is manipulating you to feel that you are doing something wrong, that you are guilty for what, in reality, you are not guilty of.

    Please do not proceed deeper with her while you are confused. While her motivations are not clear to you. She may not be true with you, not honest.

    Be careful!

    anita

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