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December 19, 2022 at 11:49 am #412162
LemonTreeParticipantDear Anita
Thank you for your sharp analysis. I have never met anyone who can provide such an in depth analysis that actually resonates with me deeply. I think you’re highly intelligent, observant, analytical and compassionate, the qualities that I admire so much personally.
I have to get ready for work now, I’ll have to start in about 10 minutes. But I’ll bear in mind what you said, which I think will be useful for whatever challenges I will face today.
I will reply to you as soon as I can. Thank you so much 🙂
December 19, 2022 at 12:10 pm #412166
AnonymousGuestDear Lemon Tree:
You are very welcome and thank you for your appreciation and kindness, your words mean a lot to me!
“I’ll bear in mind”- there are plenty of bears where I live, by the way. The other day (a couple of years ago, but it feels like yesterday), I opened the back door and right there, a big brown bear (color cinnamon really) facing me. It was the first time that I saw a bear face to face, and to me, the bear looked sad and was just about to say something (a leftover from cartoons I watched). I wasn’t afraid at all, but Cinnamon was (his name in the neighborhood) and he ran away.
I hope that you have a good day at work, take care!
anita
December 19, 2022 at 4:11 pm #412179LemonTreeParticipantDear Anita
I’m on my lunch break now, so I’ll quickly reply to you. I would love to have Cinnamon knock on my door. It is almost like Winnie the Pooh from the woods!
Thank you for using the meerkat as a metaphor, it makes perfect sense to me, and I believe you’re absolutely correct in your analysis. I guess you’re in saying that I’m self selected to protect the tribe, when it is not always what the group assigns me to do, also I’m dealing with people inside of the tribe, not someone else, so in this sense, it will be an awkward situation, even though it is my nature to look out for danger and offer protection to the ones around me.
Yes, as a meerkat, I have sharp teeth, and I can digest poisonous animals too! It is a good thing for me think about. I guess you’re right, no matter what the situation is, ultimately, it is up to me, to deal with the issues that I’m facing.
Also you’re right about that, I think I’ve carried the traumas with me, even though I’m physically and emotionally distanced from the ones who have hurt me.
I think one of the solutions for the problems that you have listed in your response is that I will have to find my tribe.
The reason why I have not been functioning well in the environment that I’m in is that I’m possibly the only meerkat in a pack of wolves, so we’re not the same.
If I find the meerkats, who can function well together, and each person plays the role that they’re meant to me, I can make good use of my talents and skills.
Also sometimes I will have to take a leap of faith. I do not trust most people, as the ones that were closest to me (i.e. family) were the ones that did the most damage to me. But as you said, not everyone is going to blame me for whatever that is going on, and it doesn’t mean that I will always be a failure. I guess it takes the right time, space and people to help me realize my potential.
Just an update: (I do not want to talk too much about my situation, as I have already mentioned a lot of details, and I don’t want to reveal my identity.) One of my close relatives has recently passed, and I happened to share it with my coworkers (as I was talking about how stressful on the day when I was the only one on the second team, and there have been problems that I couldn’t solve all by myself). To my surprise, my coworkers on the main team are actually really supportive, and they mentioned how they would keep an eye on me so that I wouldn’t strain myself too much.
Also I was really surprised the manager actually knew what was going on with the teams. The main team was the ones that she hand picked by herself, to support her operations. The second team consisted of mainly the ones that were managed by someone else before. So the atmosphere was completely different, and how things were done before were actually completely the opposite of what we’re doing now. I am beginning to trust my manager. The store that she has managed was the number one in our retail chain. So despite a little bit of inconsistencies, if I focus on the big picture, our main team has actually made a lot of contributions towards the overall performance of our store which has improved significantly since we joined the company.
Also she has been negotiating with the big boss to see if it is possible at all for the two teams to not mix up in the roster, as it is hard for her to manage the old team (i.e. second team) as well. Even though most of them are casuals, (I believe it is to do with their age, in my opinion, I might have been the same. They’re only about 20 years old, maybe not even, and their egos are getting in the way of actually getting things done), they are able to argue with the big boss about why the new manager is not making sense.
The fact that the manager addressed the issue openly with the new team, and told me that she values both Bear and me, and believes that we will work seamlessly as a team is something that I didn’t expect. She is a good manager. And I do believe that we can work cohesively. She has given us the new roster (still a few adjustments have to be made), that clearly shows the divide between the two teams with little to no overlapping, and the main team is there 6 out of 7 days a week.
I’m so relieved that I’m not alone, and the fact that I might have the other meerkats now, makes me feel that I have not wasted my time. With that, I am happy to not delve into what happened with the money that is gone.
With the new team dynamics I can start a completely new chapter (not only a page), and I believe together we can achieve success.
I think the new team is going to be here for the long term. Or hopefully. Yes.
December 19, 2022 at 4:52 pm #412180AnonymousGuestDear Lemon Tree:
I will need my Tues morning brain to thoroughly read and reply to your recent post (it is now Mon late afternoon where I am at), so I will be back to you in the morning!
anita
December 19, 2022 at 9:10 pm #412185LemonTreeParticipantSure, take your time. Look forward to hearing from you soon
December 19, 2022 at 11:12 pm #412186LemonTreeParticipantDear Anita
Just a quick thought: I know someone in our company about same age as me, who has worked here for about 3 years before she got promoted to one level higher, where she can have more “power” in implementing the strategies to increase sales.
I think if I stay here for long enough, I will have a chance to do the same. Today an hour before we closed, the amount of sales I made were 3 times more than average.
Lots of low value sales, so the overall result wasn’t as good as I expected. But it was alright.
Sorry it is a bit too much to read.
I have listed a few strategies that I think we definitely need at this point in time, which I don’t think will be adopted by the manager, but could be useful if someday I become a store manager myself:
1) Right now, our duties are “task-based”, and inconsistent. What I mean is that one person is allocate to a task, and after a while once she has gone off to do something else, a similar task will be allocated by someone else to be completed. So it is a lot of swapping around. And the manager only tells one person at a time about what the instructions are. From my perspective, this is an efficient management style however, this has also contributed to some of the issues that we’re facing at the moment. So whenever there is a swap over, the second person can only guess what has been happening, and we have to spend a significant amount of time catching up with the othe person, who has no idea what was going on, and everyone basically has a different approach to how to do the same tasks.
This is especially true when the second team has established a clear approach to most of the tasks (they were not making as much profit before, so our new policies have superceded whatever that happened before that wasn’t profitable). Now everyone has a different opinion, and when things happened, the easy way to go is to blame someone else, as often the last person who was on it was the one to blame, yet it could be that the person before was the one causing the problem. So I realize it is a common phenomenon where there is a lot of finger pointing with no realistic problem solving. And I seem to find myself in a rut, by using the same logic as everyone else to solve problems, which is not helpful. The inter-team and inter-personal conflicts, in my opinion, are due to a lack of cohesion, and a clear vision of what we’re trying to achieve as a team. The atmosphere promotes individualism, which is a good thing, but also it does not point out the things that need to be worked on, and how we should solve the problems consistently so that there is no confusion.
It is only my opinion. I think it could be useful later on in my career.
For me, I prefer having a team meeting at least once every 2-3 days, even it is only for 5-10 minutes. A good time will be in the morning before everyone starts. So we discuss the plans of what we’re going to do over the next few days, and instead of allocating one task to 4-5 people to be performed one after the next, so the message doesn’t get to the end, there should be a “project-based” approach where we are going to have a common goal, which is to, for example, work on a particular area of the shop, and the main focus will be XXX. Customer service is still our priority, however, whenever someone is available, they will be working on completion of those mini-projects that aim to be completed within the specified timeframe.
The expectations have to be clear, for example, for me, visual merchandising is important, as it significantly contributes to sales (you would buy the same thing for more if it looks appealing, as opposed to certain areas in our store that I would describe as a **** hole basically that is all it is. The same stock that has been here for over 6 months has barely been touched and is looking disgusting.
Now to do that, for example, at least we need a plan, which can be in the form of a simple map, which clearly states what goes into where. For me, it is pretty easy to understand, if the tops are classified into camis, tanks, t shirts, shirts (short and long sleeves), cardigans, jackets, and a separate work clothes section, also bikinis, and lounge wear in separate sections if we have enough space. I don’t know what the d is happening, and all I see is all of the above mixed up like “scrambled eggs”. This is how I describe it, when I try not to cuss in front of everyone.
So if we have a “map”, and narrow down our objective to “cardigans” and “jackets”, all of which to be placed on one rack, and the rest stays where they are, it can be a common goal that can be clearly achieved by the team in 1-2 days considering all other trivial things that have to be done as well, mostly serving customers, and organizing the stock.
We can have a few objectives like that, another one could be pricing the dinnerware (such as bowls, plates, cutlery, glasses) with a clear pricing plan. So at the moment, we’re pricing the stock using our own discretion, and I would say about half of the complaints that we get from the customers is inconsistent pricing. How come similar items are priced differently? Of course there will be customers that take advantage of the situation and ask for a lower price anyways. But then we have to do our job by ensuring that all of the NEW items coming in, for example, all of the dinner plates should be priced at about $XX each, or $XX for a set. Or we can feature one item that is to be priced differently, and who is responsible for that.
There should be strict criteria as to how much leeway can be given to items depending on whether the items are slightly, moderately or severely damaged in terms of percentage, so that at least we have a guide to what is happening.
Especially if we have the whole team working on the same objective over 2-3 days, so it is easy to cross check, instead of going by your intuition. The same thing that looks expensive to me might look much cheaper to you.
We can keep the existing practice of one person doing one thing at a time, but then I believe we also need to work more cohesively by performing the same or at least comparable tasks at about the same time, which I suggest to be a few days up to a week, depending on what we’re trying to achieve, and we really need to have a catch up meeting in the morning and debrief before we close (if not possible, then we should still do it every other day), even for a 5 minute get together, which I think is good for team spirit as well.
We also take feedback from each other, and identify things that need to be worked on.
Right now, even how much time we have for lunch is controversial. I don’t even know why it could be a problem.
Again, this issue can be easily resolved by all of us standing in a circle, and clearly stating what the policy is, so that we’re all on the same page.
It is my opinion. I don’t think 1 on 1 chats have the same effectiveness as team discussions where we all know what is happening, with much less margin for error when it comes to communicating the messages to all of the team members.
With regard to cash handling, I do not understand why there could possibly be so many issues as it is a simple procedure. For me, I would suggest using only 1 or 2 tills for cash, and all others will be credit cards only (where I am from, about 80% of the transactions are through debit or credit cards).
So instead of checking all of the registers, which is really a pain, especially if something goes wrong and it takes forever to work out WHERE it went wrong (it is different from what I’ve said above. This has to be performed INDEPENDENTLY as you cannot have everyone standing here to count the cash together, we all count at different speeds, and it is impossible to see what the othe person is counting. You can try to do it with a friend. Unless you’re a synchronized swimmer and all of you are good at numbers and are literate (I will tell you now, some people will write a 2 when the other person says 5, so the amount will not match, and it is NOT a team effort. It is like if you do 12+56, you cannot solve this equation by team effort, you do it with your brain. It is not something to be discussed. Having some maths idiots to make suggestions on how to do this when it is completely wrong and insists that the answer is 87 is causing everyone to go OVERTIME), I will have one person with reasonable numeracy skills to do this task, or at most have one assistant to facilitate the process, which will greatly enhance the efficiency of this process, and also increase the accuracy of our cash ups.
2) Not sure if it is relevant. I think I find it difficult to keep all of the opinions to myself. I think they are really good ideas which, if implemented, can be beneficial to the team as a whole. But also, I try to bite my tongue, as I do not want to be this “dibi daba” that always has an opinion about how things should work. But I also find it hard to not express myself.
If I am completely honest with myself, I would rather go back to being self employed. So I don’t have to worry about what others think of me. I like what I do ow, it also works better for me and my partner, as we can now spend more time together.
It is the tension that makes me feel really weird. I don’t know it is going to get better with time. Or it is the way it is.
December 20, 2022 at 5:20 am #412189AnonymousGuestDear Lemon Tree:
I will be reading your posts part by part, responding to one part before reading the next.
“Yes, as a meerkat, I have sharp teeth, and I can digest poisonous animals too!“- but can you recognize and then digest/ break down/ dissolve your poisonous thoughts & impulses?
“Also you’re right about that, I think I’ve carried the traumas with me, even though I’m physically and emotionally distanced from the ones who have hurt me“- distanced from the ones who hurt you, but not from their mental representatives (mental reps) residing in your brain, those spewing the poisonous thoughts and impulses I mentioned above.
When you were growing up, someone older, perhaps a parent, intimidated you (“ I grew up in an environment where we’re ruled by ‘intimidation’“). The intimidating parent became a mental part of your brain, doing the intimidating parent’s job in his- or her- physical absence. As an adult, you dread this mental rep and repeatedly and impulsively react to it, and in so doing, you are stuck in the same childhood, reliving it.
“I think one of the solutions for the problems that you have listed in your response is that I will have to find my tribe. The reason why I have not been functioning well in the environment that I’m in is that I’m possibly the only meerkat in a pack of wolves“- the wolves are these negative thoughts and impulses I mentioned, so no matter where you work, as long as the wolves are howling loudly in your brain… you will not find your tribe. The meerkat in your brain (the child in you, aka the inner child) needs protection from the wolves.
“If I find the meerkats, who can function well together, and each person plays the role that they’re meant to me, I can make good use of my talents and skills“- we would all function so much better independently and in teams, make a whole lot better use of our talents and skills and benefit the whole, is we didn’t have (figuratively) these wolves howling in our brains.
“I do not trust most people, as the ones that were closest to me (i.e. family) were the ones that did the most damage to me“- it takes no longer trusting their mental reps.
“But as you said, not everyone is going to blame me for whatever that is going on“- except for the mental reps of those who blamed you during your childhood, aka your formative years (the years where one’s parents are formed into the child’s brain as the mental reps I mentioned). Those mental reps will keep blaming you.
“and it doesn’t mean that I will always be a failure“- did you notice what a mental rep/ wolf said to you here? He said: you are a failure! And the meerkat said: but I will not always be a failure!
The meerkat, the child in you, does not yet know that she was never a failure!
“I guess it takes the right time, space and people to help me realize my potential“- you need help to realize that the wolves should have no say about who you are.
I will reply to the rest of your posts next.
anita
December 20, 2022 at 6:01 am #412194AnonymousGuestDear Lemon Tree:
“Just an update… To my surprise, my coworkers on the main team are actually really supportive… I am beginning to trust my manager… I’m so relieved that I’m not alone, and the fact that I might have the other meerkats now, makes me feel that I have not wasted my time. With that, I am happy to not delve into what happened with the money that is gone“- I wonder (I don’t know) if your work colleagues are, in your perception, meerkats= good, honest people, one day (that’s when they function well and the wolves in your brain are quiet), and wolves= bad, dishonest people, the next day (that’s when they make mistakes and wolves in your brain are howling loudly)?
“I know someone in our company about same age as me, who has worked here for about 3 years before she got promoted to one level higher, where she can have more ‘power’ in implementing the strategies to increase sales. I think if I stay here for long enough, I will have a chance to do the same. Today an hour before we closed, the amount of sales I made were 3 times more than average… I prefer having a team meeting at least once every 2-3 days, even it is only for 5-10 minutes. A good time will be in the morning before everyone starts. So we discuss the plans of what we’re going to do over the next few days“- it seems like you are very, very motivated and excited about the prospect of getting promoted and becoming a manager of the store, aren’t you?
anita
December 20, 2022 at 11:58 am #412217LemonTreeParticipantDear Anita
I’m starting work soon so I’ve got about half an hour now. Thanks for your response, and taking the time to read what I wrote in detail. It is not easy to find someone like you who have the patience to learn about what I m thinking, and giving me guidance on how to avoid reliving the childhood traumas.
To respond to your posts,
1) Yes I am keen to learn more about management, and I see how the issues that we’re facing now, can be resolved using a systematic approach. But I don’t think I’m there yet. For me, recognizing the issues, and thinking about what could be done to address the issues, provide an opportunity for me to learn something on the job. So even though it might never come into reality, the fact that I did consider different strategies to make things work, helps me to see what the problems are in our workplace, which I think will enable me to function better in this environment, as I know what we do well and areas that need to be improved. For me, having the chance to be promoted to a store manager is something that I am dreaming of, as I am really motivated by sales, and to see my visions come to life will be such an amazing thing to do. That being said, stepping into management will also mean that I have less chance to keep doing what I’m doing (i.e. actually selling things, and talking to customers, and learning more about them), and my partner is in middle management (and he is an excellent leader), so I see the skills that are required to manage a team effectively. To me, I don’t mind stepping up if I need to, but in reality, I think I would be more suited to a lower level sales position, where I can most fully utilize my strengths. It is a useful exercise to envisage what I think can be good for the team. So I see that there are still things to work on, and it makes me feel more positive about work.
2) Thank you for pointing out what my traumas are, and I really appreciate you telling me what the “wolves” are, that I might not be able to recognize yet. I have always wanted someone to say straight to my face, even if it is a criticism as long as it is constructive, I can happily take it and work on it.
I get what you mean. The comment that strikes me the most is that you have mentioned how I would see someone as good or bad depending on whether it has triggered my childhood experiences. (Isn’t it true for everyone?)
I’m facing a dilemma here. So you know how some people appear to be happy, when deep down they’re really sad, so what we convey through our facial expressions is somehow opposite to how we’re feeling? I think it is true to some extent.
So for me, I am often described as calm, intelligent, kind, and creative. I put calm first, it is what I hear the most especially with regard to dealing with stressful situations (even if I am scrambling inside).
So if I feel calm inside then it it is more likely to project the feeling of stress towards others, if it makes any sense. Because if I internalize the things that I hold closest to me, often the things that I don’t want will be what I leave to the people on the outside. So the reason why I can appear cool and calm is that I can deal with the issues myself, that is what I’m proud of, but if I do the opposite, it doesn’t feel like me anymore, and even if I stress less, I think it is not who I want to be?
Also I will try to recognize the patterns of bad thoughts, though I think it still takes the right time and place for the good seeds to grow. I cannot be stuck in a bad place and expect the good things to come. It has to do with my thought patterns, as you said, but realistically, if it is not the right place to use my skills, or it is not something that makes me feel good, I have every right to make decisions that I think are best for me.
I think with more experience, it will be easier for me to move somewhere else, and there is a better chance that I will be able to find a company that I really like.
I think sometimes to deal with negative patterns, it is a best to leave it, instead of delving into it and figuring out why it is or is not the case. I do that all the time, I try to see what is wrong, and I end up overthinking things. I think it is an important step to try to figure things out.
But I am also thinking that it might be wise to not swallow the poisons, and spew it out once I know it is poisonous, so I can go and find something nutritious to eat.
Not too sure if it makes sense. I will have to think about it during my break time or after work.
Thank you, hope you have a wonderful day
December 20, 2022 at 12:55 pm #412218AnonymousGuestDear Lemon Tree:
You are welcome! “It is not easy to find someone like you who have the patience to learn about what I’m thinking“- it is not easy for me to learn about what you are thinking, this is why I need the mornings to do this complex type of learning, (particularly today, being that I was up and about in the ungodly hour of 3:30 am… !!! It is only 12:55 pm (Tues) now, but I’ve been up for almost 9.5 hours…!). Anyway, I will get back to you Wed morning. I hope that you are having a pleasant and productive time at work!
anita
December 21, 2022 at 2:21 am #412249LemonTreeParticipantDear Anita
Thanks for your message. I hope you had some time to sleep during the day!
Actually if it is too much for you, I am happy for both of us to take a break and come back to this later!
I’m sure I’ll have some updates for you! Haha. Hopefully not too much to read.. I know it can be a pain!
December 21, 2022 at 1:12 pm #412293AnonymousGuestDear Lemon Tree:
You are welcome, I did sleep well last night (what a relief and what a difference it makes!) Thank you for your concern but no, it’s not too much for me to communicate with you: it takes significant mental effort and time on my part, but I can handle it!
I will do some thinking-out-loud as I type this reply, so nothing that follows is written in stone, not literally of course, but not figuratively either: I think that the reason it takes me all this mental effort to read and reply to you is that in the core of you, you are deeply conflicted in regard to an issue or two, but you don’t present your conflicts clearly (because they are not clear in your own mind, I figure), and instead you veer at length and in great detail into topics that are in the background of your mind, as opposed to the core: business and personnel management (things I know little to nothing about).
What I sense, from reading your yesterday’s post, having what you shared earlier in mind, is that you are conflicted in regard to what/ who you were expected to become (expected by authority figures, like parents), and who you are= who you want to be. What was expected of you still looms large, in your brain, and the two things (what was expected of you and who you want to become) are not two separate categories, they are mixed:
“For me, having the chance to be promoted to a store manager is something that I am dreaming of… That being said, stepping into management will also mean that I have less chance to keep doing what I’m doing (i.e. actually selling things, and talking to customers, and learning more about them)“- the management desire is partly who you are and partly who you were expected to be (and don’t want to be). On the other hand, actually selling things, etc.- unmotivated by the desire to become a manager- is who you are.
“The comment that strikes me the most is that you have mentioned how I would see someone as good or bad depending on whether it has triggered my childhood experiences. (Isn’t it true for everyone?)“-
-what you responded to right above was to this part of my yesterday’s post (I am now adding the italicized and boldface features): “I wonder (I don’t know) if your work colleagues are, in your perception, meerkats= good, honest people, one day (that’s when they function well and the wolves in your brain are quiet), and wolves= bad, dishonest people, the next day (that’s when they make mistakes and wolves in your brain are howling loudly)?”-
-it is true that we all projects our childhood experiences into the people and circumstances of our adult lives, but it is not true that for everyone, the projections change from good to bad and back to good, from one day to the next. My question then, does your perception change back and forth like this…?
“I’m facing a dilemma here. So you know how some people appear to be happy, when deep down they’re really sad… So for me, I am often described as calm, intelligent, kind, and creative… even if I am scrambling inside). So, if I feel calm inside then it is more likely to project the feeling of stress towards others, if it makes any sense“- no, it doesn’t make sense to me. Would you like to explain it to me more clearly?
anita
December 22, 2022 at 4:31 pm #412441AnonymousGuestI hope you are well, Lemon Tree!
December 22, 2022 at 9:13 pm #412453LemonTreeParticipantDear Anita
Thanks for your reply. I guess it takes mental effort for me to explain all these things as well. As you said I write in great length, and it is tiring for me to explain to you if you cannot understand what I mean. It is not to do with you personally, but I would rather talk to someone else that can see where I am coming from.
With that I would like to take a break from this site as well.
Thanks for your support and I wish you well. Merry Christmas to you.
December 22, 2022 at 9:22 pm #412454AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, Lemon Tree. I hope that you find the understanding that you need somewhere. Merry Christmas to you, and my best wishes to you!
anita
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