Dear Ann:

When a person tells you he (or she) wants space, that is does not want you in his life in this or that -or any – capacity, do respect his expressed want.

With this exception: if that person is in clear-and-present danger, that is for example, recently attempted suicide or is threatening to do so. In that case you arranged for him to be hospitalized or be under professional supervision.

When he told you that there is nothing wrong with the relationship with you, that is clearly not true. If there was nothing wrong with the relationship for him, he wouldn’t want a break or an ending to it. There is something in the relationship that is distressing him. It doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong to him in the relationship, but there is something about it that is not right for him.

If I was you, I wouldn’t promise to “always” be there for him. I would just say, if that is your choice: “I am here/ there for you.” No always-promises. Give yourself the permission to change your mind as you learn more about him, about you and about the relationship.

Will he feel abandoned when you comply with his request to leave him alone? Only if he didn’t … mean his request and expects him to figure out he didn’t mean it and is just testing you. You can ask him this very question: is it possible you don’t mean it and are testing me? Ask it in a few ways if needed so to get an honest answer from him, one given when he is calm, after some thought. If he is testing you, discuss further. If he is not testing you, well then, no second guessing his assertion.

Please do post again.

anita